Chayyei Sarah

2010-11-16T11:37:00.003+02:00

FABULOUS GIRLS PART V: FRUMMER THAN THOU

Today's factor in our lovely "cascade" mostly affects non-Orthodox women, but I think we can safely make some deductions that are relevant to the Orthodox community as well.

Fishman told me that among Americans generally, including Jews, women are more likely than men to describe themselves as "religious" and to believe that religion is important for raising ethical children.

American women (including Jewish ones) are also more likely than men to be close with their families and to prefer to marry someone who will please their family.

For both these reasons, Fishman said, Jewish women more actively seek husbands who share a Jewish background with them, while men widen their options by being more open to intermarriage. Remember, women and men intermarry at the same rates, but women do so later on average, indicating that their preference would have been to marry Jewish.

I'm going to go out on a limb and extrapolate that, perhaps, Orthodox men – who generally would never consider intermarriage – are more open to marrying women who are less religious than they are, while Orthodox women are more likely to limit themselves to men who share their "hashkafa" (particular religious outlook).

(I'd like to point out, also, that the more religious a woman is, the more time-consuming it is for a man to match her religious level. Keeping kosher, observing Shabbat, and dressing a certain way does not involve the same time commitment as going to minyan regularly and learning Torah x hours a week. The way a woman dresses might involve a certain emotional commitment and raises all sorts of questions about femininity and feminism – indicating a level of dedication to certain type of religious approach – but isn't as time-consuming as the demands put on men. I personally think it would help Orthodox women find good relationships if they had a little more open-mindedness about men who don't appear to be as religiously committed as they are – and boy do I wish I'd known this 15 years ago.)

Back to the subject of non-Orthodox communities, Fishman had a lot to say about why Jewish men aren't as committed as women to in-marrying. Remember we've already discussed her study showing that Jewish men hold active antipathy toward Jewish women. This is in addition to the fact that men are less likely than women to self-label as religious, and less likely to care about pleasing their families.

Another problem, Fishman said, for women in the Reform and Conservative movements, is that as they have become increasingly powerful and involved in those movements, the men have disappeared.

"Feminism has done lots of wonderful things to bring women to the center of Jewish life,” Fishman says. “But we didn’t notice that in the meantime, a lot of men were alienated from Jewish life.” In her monograph "Matrilineal Ascent/Patrilineal Descent" she writes: “Just as Jewish women were marginalized from the centers of Jewish life for much of Jewish history, for complicated social-psychological reasons, American Jewish men now feel displaced from Judaism."

According to studies cited in the monograph, American Jewish girls are more likely than boys to receive a Jewish education, especially after their bar or bat mitzvah. They are also more likely to join Jewish youth groups, participate in college Hillel activities, take Jewish studies classes, describe themselves as affiliated with a wing of Judaism, attend weekly worship services (except in Orthodox congregations), attend Jewish cultural events, partake in adult Jewish education, visit Israel, attend secular Jewish events and engage in volunteer Jewish leadership. In liberal synagogues, women constitute many of the rabbis, cantors, presidents and the majority of participants.

If women in general are more inclined to be religious, then perhaps there will always be a gap between the observance and affiliation levels of Jewish women versus Jewish men. But there is room for policy change as well. Perhaps solving the "singles' crisis" means looking at how we educate Jewish kids. The Reform and Conservative movements need to look at how to keep boys interested and engaged, so that they can't imagine themselves marrying someone who doesn't share their love of Judaism. And Orthodox leaders could help by letting teenagers and young adults know – especially girls – that people's religiosity can change over time, and that kindness, patience, and a sense of humor (for example) are more long-lasting than what sort of kippah a man wears, or how many hours a week he spends in shiur..

2010-11-12T21:39:00.002+02:00

"FABULOUS GIRLS" PART IV: THE AGE SQUEEZE

Hi, everyone. It's been a long time, I know. To those of you who do not know me personally, I apologize. To those personal friends who have been complaining that they don't know what's going on in my life, I have just one word: Facebook. And special thanks to Michael for encouraging me about this blog.

Continuing on with my series on "Fabulous Girls" in the Jewish community who are having trouble finding marriage partners . . . I know I promised to elaborate on the intermarriage issue, but have changed my mind for now (to quote Britney Spears, "that's my prerogative"). The great thing about blogging, rather than publishing in a paper, is that I can focus on areas that are of most interest to me because they pertain to me. For all the "shidduch" problems that hit Orthodox people hardest, intermarriage generally is not one. So I'm going to go on now with other factors that make it harder for Jewish women to get married, factors that hit me the hardest, unfortunately. Much of this appeared in my original World Jewish Digest story, but some is new for the blog.

THE AGE SQUEEZE

Jewish women are even more likely than non-Jewish women to be caught in the “age squeeze,” the phenomenon of women in their 20’s who think they have plenty of time to get married, only to discover in their 30’s that men their age prefer much younger dates.

As women age, their dating pools become quantitatively smaller, while men's become larger. This is because women prefer to marry men around their own age, give or take a few years. Men, however, almost universally prefer to date women who are younger – often much younger – than they are.

“You have a Jewish man and a Jewish woman who are both 28,” Fishman says. “They are both in graduate school or pursuing careers. The women see that not all the Jewish men are married yet. They are not panicking. What they don’t realize is that in their mid-30’s, when the men decide to settle down, the men will not be looking at Jewish women their own age. Instead, they will be looking at two different populations: Jewish women who are 10 years younger than they are or non-Jewish women.”

Sara Brownstein, a matchmaker who worked with hundreds of Los Angeles Jewish singles until she moved to Israel four years ago, puts the age squeeze slightly later, saying that “When a man in his 40’s wants to get married, if he does not have children, he will look for a woman under 40 because he wants children. They do not understand that if a woman is 35, 36 she does not want to marry a man who is older than 41, maybe 42. If he is in his 50’s, if he has children he does not want new babies. He could marry a woman in her 40’s, but those women still want children. They feel the men are too old.”

(I wish to acknowledge here that men in their late 40's and 50's who wish to have biological children are in an age squeeze of their own, wherein women who are still fertile consider these men too old to date. Anecdotally, I've noticed that women in their late 30's and early 40's, and men in their late's 40's and early 50's, are rather "stuck" because of the issues surrounding fertility and the conflict between wanting biological kids and being rather old to become a first-time parent. In some ways it may become easier once one can no longer have biological children or has given up on the idea, freeing one to date people of all ages or to become more open to the possibility of step-parenting. Adoption, by the way, is a whole other story because older couples are often considered undesirable by adoption agencies, at least in Israel - I don't know about the US.)

(I wish also to acknowledge that the "Age Squeeze" factor opens up all sorts of Pandora's Boxes about women's value being tied up with their youth and beauty and their perceived fertility, men's value being tied up with strength and perceived virility, painful issues surrounding infertility and the biological clock, medical miracles, cultural issues that effect family size, etc. Most of these are beyond the scope of my series and I'm sticking to the notes I have from the interviews I conducted for the article.)

The “age squeeze” appears to be more pronounced among Orthodox Jews than other groups. Danielle Jacobs, the chief operating officer of SawYouAtSinai.com (a dating Website with over 25,000 Orthodox members) and the founder of JRetroMatch.com (a site with almost 10,000 non-Orthodox Jewish members) says “age is a sensitive issue in the Orthodox community, more so than in the secular world. Men are not as open to dating women their own age, never mind a woman who is older. A man is less inclined to date a 30 year old if he can date a 23 year old.”

When I asked interviewees what women can do to increase their chances of getting married, the most common answer was "be willing to date men who are 10-15 years older than you are." I'd like to think that if I'd also asked what men can do, the answer would have been "be willing to date women your own age or older."

Up Next (I think): Frummer Than Thou

2010-07-29T21:48:00.002+03:00

Fabulous Girls Part III: JAPs and Education Gaps

Intro to this series here.
Part I here.
Part II here.

Money and education are big factors in why Jewish women have a hard time finding Jewish mates. But the way they affect matters – the reason that these are important aspects of the dating game -- depends almost entirely on whether you ask the women ("it's hard to find someone as educated as I am") or the men ("Jewish women are only concerned about money and success").

But what it boils down to for the women is this: There aren't that many Jewish men who are "successful" enough to be appropriate mates for most Jewish women, and additionally the Jewish men who are appropriate are more likely to feel active antipathy toward Jewish women, or at the very least (unless they are Orthodox) to not mind dating non-Jews – which means that Jewish women are "competing" for those few men not just with other Jewish women but with gentile women as well. (I assume this is the case for American Jews but not for Israeli ones; I wrote my original story for an American audience.)

Let's start with the point of view which was generally presented with more objectivity and less emotion, the one that puts Jewish women in a more sympathetic light. As I wrote in my article:

Jews are among the most highly educated minorities in America. More than half of all Jewish adults (61 percent of men and 50 percent of women) have received a college degree, and a quarter (29 percent of men and 21 percent of women) have earned a graduate degree. Jews are almost twice as likely to hold a college degree than Americans generally and four times as likely to hold a graduate degree.

Unfortunately, their academic and professional success decreases their dating pool since, as Cohen says, “men want to ‘marry down’ and women want to ‘marry up.'"

. . . . Although no one is advocating that women avoid graduate school, Dr. Michael J. Salamon, a psychologist and the author of “The Shidduch Crisis: Causes and Cures,” says “the problem [in the Jewish dating scene] is that women are overeducated and find the men boring. The men are intimidated. And the women are not getting what they want.”

He also notes that this phenomenon makes “in-marrying” a difficult proposition for Jewish men with low levels of education. Fishman goes a step further and says that many Jewish men are attracted to gentile women because non-Jewish women and their parents are perceived as easier to impress.

OK, let's unpack this.

First, let's look at the women's viewpoint. Let's say you are a Jewish woman in your late 20's or early 30's and you have a master's degree and a job that gives you a certain level of leadership or autonomy and/or financial success. You probably have the intelligence, professionalism, and people-skills that your education and professional success indicate. And so even if you really, truly don't need a husband who earns as much money as you do or has an equivalent education, you probably do want someone who has at least a college degree and who shares (or exceeds) your intelligence, professionalism, and people-skills.

The problem is that you are so highly educated and successful that a smaller proportion of men – even Jewish men, who are more educated than the population in general – will share or exceed your success. Again, maybe you don't care about money per se. Maybe you are open to marrying someone who never went to college but is astute and engaged with the world and knows what he is about. The point is that you want someone who can think and speak and interact with life in ways that are similar to yours. But what you are most likely to hear from, say, potential matchmakers, is "I'm sorry, but there aren't that many men who are smart enough for you." And so you are lonely.

As Dr. Cohen put it in a quote that didn't make it into the original article:

Given the hierarchical nature of marriage, higher-educated women are at a competitive disadvantage in the dating market, whereas for men, being highly educated gives them an advantage. Jewish women are among the most highly educated in America, so they are at a comparative disadvantage in the marriage market. On every social hierarchy, men tend to marry down, and women tend to marry up. It relates to age, height, social class, and social status. On every one, husbands tend to outscore their wives. The most high status women who are single have trouble finding men of their status who they find attractive, and they have trouble being attractive to many men, because you need reasonably secure men who are attracted to high-status women.

Now let's look at the point of view of the Jewish man who never went to college, or who isn't in a prestigious field. To you, the world of Jewish dating is simply a minefield of women who don't find you "good enough." You, too, are lonely because it's hard to find a Jewish woman who doesn't expect you to somehow be more than what you are. It probably seems to you that Jewish women are money-seeking and/or prestige-seeking and that the values of the Jewish community are out of whack. You might find yourself open to dating women who aren't Jewish, because, since they are less likely to have advanced degrees, they don't think of you as "less." It feels a lot nicer to be around people who appreciate you for what you are.

If you are a Jewish man who has an MBA and is VP of a Big Famous Company, things are easier for you. More of the Jewish women find you impressive and engaging and want to be with you. But you, too, might decide that they are not seeking your company, but rather your money and prestige. Perhaps you aren't considering the idea that the women you meet are excited to meet you because they see you as their intellectual and professional equals, not because they have dollar signs in their eyes. Or perhaps, as Fishman posits, you are transposing your ambivalence about your Jewishness onto Jewish women.

(An important statistic that Fishman has uncovered is that, although the intermarriage rates among Jewish men and women are pretty much the same, Jewish women who intermarry do so, on average, three years later than Jewish men who intermarry. The inference from this finding is that Jewish women are more likely to want to marry a Jew, and intermarry only when they "give up" on finding a Jewish partner.)

Please read this excerpt from the original article carefully:

Disproportionately, compared to non-Jewish men, American Jewish males harbor active antipathy toward Jewish women. They complain, Fishman and Parmer write, that dating Jewish women is more work than fun and that Jewish women are “demanding, overbearing, and best escaped.”

Fishman conducted studies in the late 1990’s in which groups of Jewish men, non-Jewish men, Jewish women and non-Jewish women in and around Los Angeles were asked to choose, from among many photos of anonymous females, a “typical Jewish woman” and to describe her. They were then asked to describe the “ideal Jewish woman.”

The last three groups—male and female gentiles, as well as Jewish women -- overwhelmingly described Jewish women in neutral or positive terms such as “smart,” “able to talk about anything,” “beautiful,” “voluptuous” and “well-read.” In describing the ideal Jewish woman, they used the same terms.

The responses of Jewish men were markedly different. They were likely to describe the typical Jewish woman as “talking too much,” “having to have an opinion about everything,” “obsessed with food,” “overweight” and “materialistic.” And when they described the “ideal” Jewish woman, they chose different photos--of supermodels--and described them in opposite terms, as “quiet,” “not saying much” and “likes to listen.”

So, at a singles mixer, if a Jewish woman asks a man what he does for a living, “a Jewish man will interpret that question as hostile,” Fishman says. “They say ‘all Jewish woman care about is how much money I make,’ as if there is no other reason for a person to ask you what you do when they are getting to know you. If a non-Jewish woman asks the same question, it does not get interpreted that way.”

“These are self-image issues,” Fishman continues. “Men are ambivalent about their Jewishness, and they project that onto the women. They feel that if they are attached to a non-Jewish woman, it will break the curse.”

In other words, statistically, everyone likes, or feels neutral about, Jewish women except for Jewish men. Fishman, Cohen and Bayme all linked this antipathy to men's general ambivalence about their own Jewishness (as I'll discuss later, Judaism is generally more important to women than it is to men). But men themselves say it's because Jewish women are gold-diggers, JAPs, hostile, aggressive, etc.

Here are a few telling quotes from Evan Marc Katz, the dating expert (who, probably not coincidentally, was himself dating a non-Jewish woman when I interviewed him; however, to be fair, his goal in our interview was not to excoriate Jewish women --or men-- but rather to help women look practicality in the eye and take actions that lead to the results they want):

The answer is not to say “men are this, men are that.” Even if it’s true, you can’t change it. But a woman can say “given that there is a problem, what can I do?“ Maybe the answer is to date non-Jewish men. Maybe dating a clone of yourself is not a good idea. Maybe you need someone who is more balanced and has fewer demands. That’s for both Jewish women and Jewish men. In general we are not an easy people. If Jewish men find Jewish women to be difficult, then perhaps the answer for the women is to date men who are themselves easier. We have to either become more likable and more datable, or change our focus on what we are willing to date.

. . . . The stereotype about Jewish women is not from the media, it’s from people’s experiences. It’s from 3 years on Jdate.

. . . . We’re a bright people, a questioning people, but a neurotic, complaining, and negative people. Would you want to be around that? We’d be well-served to at least get aware of that and somewhat responsible for it, and not be too surprised if others aren’t responding well to it. We have a lot of meshugas. It’s no wonder we don’t want to marry each other. We’re very lucky when we find someone who loves us.

Interestingly, Dr. Salamon, too, suggested that Jewish women themselves "give off this vibe" (his words) which is off-putting to men, though he was a bit more kind in his theory as to why:

A woman feels she has invested so much time into her career, and now men don’t want her. It’s true from her own perspective. Outside the Orthodox world, the men are not put off by it, but they are put off by her anxiety. She is put off by herself.

Men are put off by the fact that the women are not confident about their decisions or themselves.

(Note the implication that in the Orthodox world, a woman's career success is, itself, off-putting to men, in addition to whatever anxiety the woman herself feels about it.)

So there you have it. On one side, you have Fishman, Bayme and Cohen saying that women often want to marry men who are as successful as they are; that men often are intimidated by women who are more successful than they are; that since Jewish women are very educated it creates an imbalance in the Jewish dating world; and that Jewish men often misinterpret women's interest in their education and jobs as greediness or aggression.

On the other side you have Katz and Salamon suggesting that Jewish women, for whatever reason, are in fact anxious, neurotic, or demanding, and that their negative vibes are off-putting to Jewish men.

Flip sides of the same coin?

Next: More About Intermarriage

2010-07-26T17:39:00.003+03:00

Fabulous Girls Part II: Shrinking Pools

Intro to this series here.

Part I here.

Today I start listing reasons that single Jewish women have a harder time finding partners than their male counterparts. Disclaimer: If you are single and looking for a partner, please do not take what I write here to be about you, personally. These blog posts are about trends as observed by those who deal with hundreds, or thousands, of singles. If you are a man, these posts are not meant to "blame" you, individually, or to imply that there is something wrong with you. If you are a woman, these posts are not meant to suggest that you are a "victim." In addition to the trends outlined here, each person has his or her own "issues," and there is no way I can account for the life struggles of each person out there.

Disclaimer #2: These factors are not presented in order of statistical significance, but rather in an order that makes for manageable blog-post lengths.

There are more women than men. Most of the experts I interviewed declined to give precise statistics about how many single Jewish men there are in each age bracket than women – I have the feeling no one has drawn up those numbers. But according to Dr. Salamon, "there are more women born; that is always the case. All over the world, 51-52 percent of births are female." I'm stating this at the outset to sort of get it out of the way; the slightly higher number of women doesn't begin to account for "the crisis."

There are more straight women than straight men. According to Dr. Cohen, "homosexuality is somewhat more frequent among men than among women." He didn’t give me statistics and I didn't ask for them. My impression was that, again, the differences make a slight impact but not enough to account for "the crisis" by themselves. Unfortunately I didn't ask how he knows this, nor did I follow up with questions such as whether it's possible that women are simply less likely to be "out." In any case, this isn't something that we can really "do" anything about, so I'd like to move on to issues of greater social concern.

There are more commitment-ready women than men. This is a widespread problem brought up my many of my interviewees. Men who, by nature or nurture, are keen to enter a long-term relationship are most likely to get married young (outside the ultra-Orthodox world, this means, for men, in their 20's). This is not necessarily the case for women. A woman who is ready to get married might spend many, many years searching for a husband without success, whereas, in Dr. Fishman's words, "when a guy who is not resistant to commitments meets a girl he likes, he marries her." Therefore, as a woman ages and she is starting to panic, the percentage of men who are "resistant to commitment" (Fishman's words) is getting larger and larger. There are men to date, but a smaller proportion of men who will actually follow through to the aisle.

Next up: Education Gaps and JAPs

2010-07-16T19:17:00.003+03:00

FABULOUS GIRLS PART I: NOT FROM NOWHERE

(Sorry about the screwy formatting in this post. Blogger isn't being cooperative today.)

At the beginning of 2008, I got a call from Simona Fuma, who was the Israel editor of the World Jewish Digest. She had an assignment about singles, and wanted me to do it because I'd written about various issues relating to Jewish singles in the past, for The Jewish Week of New York.

The assignment was this: Given the perception among many Jewish women and matchmakers that it is more difficult to find a "quality" man than a "quality" woman, my job was to find out:

a) Is this perception correct? Is it, in fact, harder for Jewish women to find a partner than for Jewish men?

b) If the perception is incorrect, what accounts for its widespread nature?

c) If the perception is correct, then why is it harder for women than for men?

The topic hit a personal nerve because I myself was 35, single, and often the recipient of news like "Sorry, Sarah, I can't think of anyone good enough for you" and "Sorry, Sarah, I tried to set you up but the guy has a long list of people trying to set him up so it might be a while" and "Sorry, Sarah, I tried to present your profile at a matchmakers' meeting the other day, but they have a rule now that you can only present men, because everyone has a long list of women and there aren't enough men to set them up with."

(This is beside the equally oft-repeated statement of "Sorry, Sarah, I tried to set you up with someone but he will meet only thin girls," which, while annoying and frustrating, doesn't necessarily indicate a widespread problem for all, just a problem for me and other not-thin women. Perhaps that is an article for another day.)

From the start my goal was to base conclusions not on anecdotal evidence (though I got lots of that, too, from singles I interviewed) but on information provided by sociologists, Jewish demographers, directors of Jewish dating websites, and well-known matchmakers. The "experts" I interviewed included:

Steven Bayme, Director of Contemporary Jewish Life Department of the American Jewish Committee.
Sara Brownstein, dating coach who was also a popular matchmaker (focusing on unaffiliated Jews) in Los Angeles until her aliyah a few years ago.
Dr. Steven M. Cohen, sociologist of American Jewry; research professor of Jewish Social Policy at HUC-JIR/New York and professor at the Hebrew University Melton Centre for Jewish Education.
Dr. Sylvia Barrack Fishman, sociologist of American Jewry and professor at Brandeis University
Danielle Jacobs, COO of SawYouAtSinai.com and a founder of JRetroMatch.com
Evan Mark Katz, dating coach and self-styled "America's Leading Dating Expert."
Michael J. Salomon, Ph.d., member of the psychology faculty at Hofstra University and author of "The Shidduch Crisis."

It emerged quickly that the perception is, indeed correct; it IS harder for Jewish women to find Jewish dates than it is for Jewish men to do the same. Here was my "nut graph" (the "thesis paragraph" of the story):

What is commonly referred to as the Jewish “singles crisis,” and in Orthodox communities as the “shidduch crisis,” appears to affect women more drastically than men, both practically and emotionally. Both statistical and anecdotal evidence . . . paints a picture of a dating scene in which many more women than men attend Jewish singles events; more women actively use Jewish dating sites; matchmakers are flooded with applications from women; and single Jewish women in their late 20’s and 30’s are panicking. . . . As well they should be, sociologists say. As difficult as the “dating scene” can be for many men, it is often more challenging for the fairer sex, especially in the Jewish community.

But the reasons given by each expert, while often overlapping, covered a wide range of social phenomena. This isn't happening because of X, or Y, or Z, but because of X and Y and Z all "cascading together," as one interviewee put it.

Because of the nature of my assignment, my story focused on all the reasons that Jewish men aren't dating Jewish women (or aren't dating Jewish women their own age, or their own level of education, or who have the same religious values as the men's parents, etc.) The paper got letters complaining that I was putting the blame for the "singles crisis" exclusively on men and not at all on women, which had not been my intention at all.

In fact, I did interview two experts who blamed the women for their own problems, and included a quote from one of them. More about this later.

The end of my article gave suggestions of what individuals and the community can do to lessen the "singles crisis." The suggestions all came from the "experts," not from me. Among them is the recommendation that women be more open to dating men who are much older than they are, so as to remove the obstacle of the "age squeeze," a phenomenon which I'll discuss in depth pretty soon and which, the interviewees said, is a big problem especially in the Orthodox community. But it raises the question of what "settling" is, something I wish to address here in the blog.

That's it for now. Have a Shabbat shalom.

2010-07-15T16:38:00.002+03:00

In Answer To Their Unstated Question

Being in a musical or play requires a significant investment of time for rehearsals and shows, and so the 63-member cast of "Fiddler," for the most part, consisted of four types of people: 1) retirees 2) schoolkids 3) college/army/sherut leumi student-age people and 4) single adults. When I say "single adults," I'm referring primarily (though not exclusively) to myself and a few other women in their 30's and 40's.

During performances, there is a lot of "down time" for most cast-members; in "Fiddler," the "non-principals" had almost all of Act II to sit around chatting or doing crossword puzzles backstage. It was terrific getting to know new people, and because of the wide age range it truly felt like a village, a community that spanned generations.

More than one fellow castmember – all men in their retirement stage or almost there – commented (in a very friendly, tactful, not over-the-line way) that he "can't understand why you girls aren't married yet. You're all so lovely, smart, talented, wonderful people. It's mind-boggling." (I'm leaving aside the whole "girls vs. women" thing. Context and tone are important and I didn't detect any particular condescension; it felt more like a generational thing, since the speakers could have been our dads. I'm also leaving aside the fact that they assumed we all want to be married since, in this case, I happen to know that all of us do, or did for a long time.)

I actually wrote an article on this very topic in 2008, for the now-defunct World Jewish Digest, but since the story was about 4,000 words (incredibly long, even for a cover feature), it wasn't something I could explain "on one foot." But on my blog, I can explain as comprehensively as I want. I feel the article I wrote was important, and the information it contained should be read (or read again) and available on the internet. I'd also like to be able to send the links to those gentlemen who asked about it, saying that here are some answers to the mystery.

I set out to write a blog post, summarizing and commenting on my original article, about why such "wonderful girls" aren't married yet, but now that I've compiled my notes, I realize that to cover this properly will take about 4-6 separate posts. So, over the next few days, that's what will be coming up.

The first order of business will be to explain why I'm focusing on women, with an assurance that men will have their day in a future post (my notes about this are already written up). I'll also explain where I got the information.

Get ready.

2010-07-11T14:42:00.002+03:00

Known Idiocy

Have you been checking out the blogs on my blogroll? Have you been reading Single Dad, Disabled Daughter? Because if not, you should. I've learned much about issues affecting the disabled and their families.

Single Dad's daughter, "Pearlsky," is, in his words, "messed up." She can't control her muscle movements, she can't talk, she can't always see, she can't communicate in any way. Based on when she laughs and how she responds to stimuli in her environment, her team of caretakers and therapists think that she probably has the mental capacity of a child of six or seven (she's actually sixteen), but they can't be sure. She has siezures a lot. Her body doesn't produce a certain amino acid, and if she doesn't get it as a supplement twice a day, she'll die.

As you can imagine, in addition to being the benificiary of many generous and sensitive people and systems, Single Dad also puts up with a lot of crap in his life from many people and systems -- sometimes the same ones. I want to share an exchange in which I participated recently in his comments section, because I think the response to my comment was funny:

Kenneth Lilly says:

July 7, 2010 at 11:15 am

Never in my life have a seen one man surrounded by so much idiocy.

Never.

Sarah B. says:

July 7, 2010 at 11:24 am

Kenneth-

Based on the experience of my mom, who is chronically ill, the issue is that there’s a certain amount (let’s call it X) of idiocy in health-care systems, and the more chronic your need for help from that system, the more of X you will witness. Also, the more time and motivation you will have to complain about X.

People whose needs for help are acute, not chronic, might witness some idiocy, but either not realize how big X really is, or “let it go” because once their problem is resolved, they don’t feel a need to invest any emotional energy in fixing it.

Barbara says:

July 7, 2010 at 4:15 pm

My compliments to Sarah for stating the relative ratio of known idiocy.

Can we make "relative ratio of known idiocy" a regular part of the English language? Because I think that is awesome.

2010-07-07T17:41:00.002+03:00

Tap Tap. Is this thing still on?

Oy vey oy vey oy vey. It has been a VERY long time since my last post, as many of you have told me again and again. Since the last post, I've played Shaindel (Mottel's mother) in 12 performances of "Fiddler on the Roof" (which was phenomenal in every way; pictures here), enjoyed the cast party, said "ouch ouch ouch" over the whole Flotilla Disaster, found a teeny bit of common ground with Lisa Goldman (my Token Lefty Blogger friend), thought a lot about dating issues that might have interested you, and gotten sucked into Facebook.

That's right. Instead of blogging, I've been writing Facebook status updates to keep the world aware of my goings-on. This is unfortunate for some of my blog readers, because I only "friend" those whom I've actually met in person. I'm sorry for ignoring the rest of you.

The good news is that I've realized over the last couple of weeks that when I have Serious Thoughts percolating in my mind, I can't get any paying work done until I get the Serious Thoughts out on paper and – while I'm at it – onto a blog. Facebook status updates have a limited character count. Blogging provides more scope for the imagination (points to those who can identify the reference).

So, the plan is to start blogging more regularly again, so I can get those pesky Worthwhile Opinions and Astute Observations out of my brain so I'll have space for my Very Boring Paying Work.

See you soon.

2010-05-25T12:38:00.002+03:00

Nervous

Fiddler on the Roof opens tonight! Our dress rehearsal yesterday went really well, and I feel pretty confident that this is going to be a terrific show (especially since we have several very strong talents in the cast), but I'm nervous that I'm going to see all those people and just freeze or something. Gah! By the way, if you still haven't bought your ticket, go to www.encore-etc.com or call 054-578-9006.

In other news, I GOT GRADES IN ON TIME! Ah, the joys of having only four students! Also for the first time, I invited students over to my house. I've wanted to do this for a long time, but this year it came together nicely because on Mondays our class period was 90 minutes, enough time for the kids to come over to my house, have a decent-length class, and then get back for their next period. I fed them cookies and ice tea and we did my traditional last-class activities: Course evaluations, nice notes to each other, and my annual reading of Oh! The Places You'll Go.

Here's a philosophical question for you: If all four students took the English AP, is it fair to also give them a final exam? I say yes, because a) I don't have any evidence as to how they actually performed on the AP and b) my finals are in themselves learning activities that help them improve their skills, and why should they stop learning? I gave them the essay topics about 10 days in advance and told them they could bring all the texts and outlines they wanted, AND I gave them time in class to prepare. Of course the students say no because they are tired of writing essays. What say you?

**

A couple of weeks ago I went to a memorable wedding. My friend Adina, who hails from Canada and the United States and now lives in Israel, married an Ethiopian man who moved to Israel 16 years ago.

To be honest, the beginning of the wedding was a little hard for me. I mean, it was really great to see Ashkenazi Americans, traditional Ethiopians, and Israelis of all stripes mixing and mingling at a chuppah -- very joyous, very symbolic -- and I was happy for my friend. But weddings are a little tough for me anyway, and I was starting to feel like the wedding was simply a typical, nice, simple wedding when two things happened that brought it to another level.

First, the second that the bride and groom came into the reception hall after the chuppah and pictures, the electricity went out. No electricity, no lights. No electricity, no music! But the bride and groom had just come in, so everyone sang and danced in the dark. There were about 400 people at the wedding and everyone was jumping up and down, singing at the top of their lungs, unable to see anything but having a rocking time. It was so much fun that some people expressed disappointment when the lights went back on.

Second, about 45 minutes into the dancing, the DJ announced that he is now switching to Amharic music. The Ethiopians were all like "yay!" and pushed into the middle to dance THEIR way. I'd seen this before so I wasn't surprised but it was new to most of the other Americans at the wedding: Ethiopians dance with their shoulders. They stand in place and the shoulders jerk rhythmically up and down, back and forth. It looks simple but try it and you might feel like you are dislocating something. Pretty soon all the Americans were trying it too. Four hundred people, only about 150 of whom were actually Ethiopian, dancing Ethiopia-style. It was amazing! Really, really fun.

**

In more trivial news, Artemis got her first bath the other day. I'd been told by my vet, other cat-lovers, and cat websites never to bathe a cat if you value your life, unless the cat is filthy. Well, Artemis came home covered from head to toe in black powder that smelled like plastic. Man, does she love to frolic in the construction zone around the corner. Anyhow, I got everything ready for the most efficient washing possible and pushed the unsuspecting cat into the sink. Artemis was so stunned by the sensation of being submerged in water that she just sort of arched her back, stiffened every muscle, and wouldn't move. When I picked her up to put her in the other sink for a rinsing, she was like a cardboard cat, all four legs stretched out tight. I cooed at her but she was petrified, which worked well for me because I was able to get most of the black stuff off without losing any skin or either of my eyes. But I have the feeling that if I ever try it again she'll take one look and go berserk. Afterward, she was very angry at me despite the treats I gave her; the most egregious insult, apparently, was that now her soaking-wet tail looked like a rat's. She kept looking at her tail and then up at me accusingly.

Anyhow, she is now white and fluffy and smells like citrus fruit, and has forgotten all about it (until next time).

**

PS Still no reliable internet access at my house. However, I sometimes get enough of a signal that I can Skype. If you want to reach me that way, email me with your Skype address so I can add you to my contacts (please, only if we are friends in "real" life, thanks).

2010-05-20T14:23:00.003+03:00

Answer Me This

Why do so many men think it's OK to ask a woman on a first date "Why aren't you married yet?"

Please note, I'm not asking here about men who make the complimentary declaration "You are so terrific, I don't understand why you aren't married yet," which clearly should lead to the simple reply of "Thank you" and isn't meant to be any sort of deep "grilling" measure. It's just nice.

But I'm astounded by the sheer percentage of men who, on a first date, expect me to give a serious answer to the question of why I'm still available.

On a third, fifth, tenth date, I can see how a reflective answer would shed light on my personality and history and provide insightful information about my level of self-awareness.

But on a first date, I have three choices. I can dismiss the question airily with "Oh, I'm just unlucky, I guess," which makes me seem not self-aware, or I can give a serious answer, in which case I'm being forced on a first date to reflect out loud on my past mistakes and current shortcomings -- mistakes and shortcomings, I should emphasize, that are no different or worse than any of the many mistakes and shortcomings of married people-- which makes me feel like I'm being given the third degree.

If I dismiss the question entirely -- and I'm not really suave enough to do so in a way that is charming -- it looks like I'm hiding a terrible secret or that I'm bitter.

Being an earnest person who doesn't know how to wiggle her way out of awkward questions (oh, how I wish I'd gone to a southern charm school!) I usually answer honestly, trying to maintain a balance between truth and a desire to keep some privacy on a first date, and then, in a small act of revenge, turn the question back to my date.

Almost invariably they say "Oh, I'm just unlucky" or "I just haven't found the right person," which leads me to believe that they are neither self-reflective NOR aware of what are appropriate questions for a first date.

Of course, there is the man who answered "Well, I'm a yeller and a screamer."

Check, please.

2010-05-14T14:53:00.003+03:00

Mostly Annoyed

I have no internet access in my house. How and why this happened is a long story not worth telling. It is not the fault of any one particular person, but rather a combination of

a) the person who stole my roommate's computers, a curse be upon him/her!

b) my roommate (who is now out of the country and therefore unable to help much in correcting the problem) - God bless her, she made an honest mistake and now I am paying for it and

c) Bezeq International, a curse be upon them!

The attempts I've made to fix the problem have taken some time and led almost nowhere. To complete the fixing process, one of two things has to happen:

a) I have to spend A LOT of time gathering information that is hard to find because it is in the room of my roommate AND I have to go to the Bezeq store, which I hate, to get a new router AND make a whole bunch more phone calls or

b) wait for my roommate to get back in THREE WEEKS so that she can go chasing after a router and Bezeq.

Meanwhile, my American phone number does not work, and I can't access the internet from my house AT ALL. I tried stealing bandwidth from unsuspecting neighbors, but they all have password-protected networks, God bless their suspicious little hearts. I tried asking the people next door, with whom I have a good relationship, for their password, but THEY have a dial-up connection.

So I can't work or email or watch YouTube or ANYTHING from my house, and meanwhile all the money I'm NOT making is going to Cafe Hillel (where I am right now) and Tal Bagels and Aroma, where for the price of a meal I can use the internet for a few hours, until I can't stand sitting anymore and go home to NOT work.

:-(

In happier news, my students took their AP exams on Wednesday and seemed in pretty good spirits afterward about how they'd done, so that makes me proud. Their writing and ability to analyze text has certainly improved this term.

Rehearsals for Fiddler continue apace. The first two shows are sold out! I'm getting excited and nervous.

Oh, and I have two stories in this week's Jewish Week, in the Israel Travel section.

Have a Shabbat Shalom.

2010-04-20T21:20:00.010+03:00

Happy Birthday Israel -- and Artemis!

Today is Israel's 62nd Independence Day. I'm so grateful to have a State here which allowed me to move to Jerusalem and live in this wonderful city.

Today is also the day before Artemis' FIRST birthday! Happy birthday (tomorrow) Artemis!

I adopted Artemis when she was 9 weeks old, so it's been almost 10 months now that she's been my ba-- I mean, cat, and she's a great pet, if a bit whiny when I refuse to play mouse-on-a-stick with her. Tomorrow, for her birthday, she'll get a serving of raw chicken skin. Mm, mm, mm.

My sister asked for new pictures, so here are some I took today:

Artemis asking "Who, me?" or maybe she just spied a flying bug (which she'd never catch).

Artistic image of "Cat and Toy."

Portrait of Cat and Toy.

Lunching on kibbles.

Getting tired.

2010-04-15T16:11:00.002+03:00

Not (As) Boring Anymore

One of the advantages of teaching a course with only four students is that I have only 4 sets of papers to grade with each assignment.

But what helps, above and beyond the lower numbers, is that the types of assignments I'm giving this year (since I'm teaching a different course entirely) allow for more open-ended topics. Within a certain framework, the students can choose to write about pretty much whatever interests them. And it's always fascinating to see what they come up with.

Over the last few weeks they've been working on short research papers (they are limited in how much research they can do, both by time and lack of access to a good traditional library; I'm working with them to assess the reliability of various online sources). Here are the topics:

1- The benefits of running for exercise, and the best ways for new runners to take up the sport without injuring themselves or losing motivation.

2- The central arguments for and against stem-cell research.

3- The central arguments for and against the legality of abortion.

4- The history of cryptography (secret codes).

The papers about running and cryptography were especially interesting to me since I knew almost nothing about these topics before.

Today, the students must let me know the topics for their next papers, which will be "argument" papers (they have to take a position and support it). What I've gotten so far:

1- Satirical paper (a la "A Modest Proposal") arguing that the Hammurabi Code is a good thing.

2- Position paper on whether the TRY program (the program these kids are on) should continue having "creative tfilot" rather than traditional prayer services.

When kids are allowed to come up with their own ideas, they think of topics far more interesting than anything I would have given them. I also love the variety.

This is so much better than reading 17 papers on the same topic.

2010-04-10T21:23:00.002+03:00

Try To Follow

I got to Cleveland Hopkins Airport on Wednesday at about 2:30, for a 5:30 flight. My itinerary, with Swiss Air, was thus:

Cleveland to Chicago on a flight operated by United.
Short layover in Chicago, followed by a Swiss flight to Zurich.
All-day layover in Zurich. I'd done my research and discovered that a) if I'm not tired, there are bus and river tours of the city to take, and museums open until 7 or 8 pm and b) if I am tired, there are couches and beds to rent in one of the airport lounges, with showers.
Zurich overnight flight to Tel Aviv, scheduled to arrive Friday morning at 3:30 am.

Upon arrival at the Cleveland airport, I was told that my check-in bag was 53 pounds and I'd need to remove 3 pounds of stuff. I took out a book that I need to plan lessons for the class I teach. Luckily, my parents had just bought me a beautiful new carry-on with the maximum amount of allowed room and 4-wheel drive -- in addition to a shoulder bag to put under the seat in front of me-- so I was able to stuff in a lot of stuff, including my winter coat, plenty of food for my day in Zurich, all my toiletries, even a set of pajamas in case I sleep in Zurich. This will all become important later.

I got through security in Cleveland. At about 5 pm they announced at the gate that, due to thunderstorms in Chicago, my flight would leave at least an hour late. I stood on line to talk to the United gate agent about the fact that I'd now have no more than 27 minutes to make my connection. He said that actually, if you add the time it takes to get to the gate and all, I'd have about 3 minutes. He found that there was no way for United to get me to Tel Aviv in a timely way, so he instead gave me a ticket for Air Canada, thus:

Air Canada from Cleveland to Toronto (in about 30 minutes, just one gate over, thank God)
5-hour layover in Toronto, then a direct flight on Air Canada to Tel Aviv, arriving Thursday night at about 10 pm. For this flight, the agent said, I'd have to get the boarding pass in Toronto.

This itinerary was, as you can see, much better than my original one, so I was pretty happy. About the loss of my chance to take tours of Zurich, my feeling was "Man plans, God laughs." I was just excited to get home Thursday night instead of Friday morning.

I saw them load my checked-in suitcase onto the little propeller tin can that we flew to Toronto. The flight was bumpy but otherwise fine.

At Toronto, I went to the Air Canada Customer Service desk to get my boarding pass to Tel Aviv. The agent said that actually, the flight was overbooked, but she's giving me a priority-seating pass. If anyone cancels, I'll get a seat. Unfortunately, there was no way to know if anyone cancels until one hour before the flight, when they "close" the check-in for the flight. (Please note that United had made a reservation for me without confirming that I'd actually have a seat!)

From the way she talked about it, I felt confident that I'd get on the plane. So I killed a few hours in Toronto looking for a gift for my roommate, eating a sandwich I'd packed for dinner, and standing around in a bookstore skimming through autobiographies of Andre Agassi and Melissa Gilbert, and then made my way to the gate about 90 minutes before the flight, to make sure I was first on line. (I was actually third.)

After another 30 minutes of waiting, they opened the gate and it turned out that everyone in front of me AND behind me were trying to get boarding passes with a priority-seating ticket. It also turned out that they were giving out the one available seat on the basis of the order in which people got their ticket. They called someone's name ... he didn't show up. They called someone else's name... it turned out to be a couple who didn't want to split up, and there was only one seat. And then they called my name! I got the seat! Whoo hoo! They gave me my boarding pass and I snuggled into a chair in the waiting area, happy as a clam.

Five minutes later, they paged me and TOOK MY BOARDING PASS AWAY. The gate agent said he was sorry, but he hadn't realized that I'm not actually an Air Canada customer, but a United Customer. He called ahead to the Air Canada Customer Service Desk, where they would give me a voucher for a hotel stay and meals in Toronto.

I got to Customer Service and said half-jokingly to the two agents there "I'm an irate customer. Which of you wants to deal with me?" They were pretty nice about it. What irked me wasn't that I didn't get on the plane, but that they issued me a boarding pass and then took it away. They said that it was United's fault that I'm stranded, but Air Canada didn't want me to spend the night in the airport, so here is a night at a hotel and $32 for meals. Part of me was thinking "Thanks, Air Canada," and part of me was thinking "what kind of airline TAKES AWAY SOMEONE'S BOARDING PASS after issuing it?" But whatever.

There was also the question of my luggage. The Air Canada guy said that when I come back in the morning, I should talk with a United person about locating the bag which I knew for a fact was in the airport in Toronto somewhere.

The Hotel Delta Toronto West is a nice little place. From the desk in my room I called United to say "What the hell?" The agent, "Shar" ("Char"? Charlotte? Sharlene?) was sympathetic and put me on hold for 15 minutes while she tries to find a new way for me to get to Tel Aviv. Finally she gets back on the line and offers this (remember, it is now Wednesday night at about 11:30 pm):

Flight leaving Toronto on Thursday at about 6 pm, to Frankfurt, with Lufthansa.
Two-hour layover in Frankfurt, then a Lufthansa flight to Tel Aviv, arriving on Friday at 3:30 pm.

My answer: Look, technically this itinerary is fine. Lufthansa is a good airline. But I'm Sabbath-observant (had to explain that a little), and if anything goes wrong, if my first leg is delayed for any reason, I'm going to spend the weekend in an airport.

Shar: Two hours is plenty of time to make a connection.

Me: Shar, you know as well as I do that flights are OFTEN delayed more than two hours.

Shar: Well, this is all I have for you.

Me: Fine, I'll take it.

Meanwhile, I'd put in a call to my sister (who was still awake, due to the time difference -- she lives in California -- unlike my parents who may have been asleep already). In typical, wonderful Rivka style she said "I feel like going over there myself and smacking someone for you." Being a bit more clear-headed than I, probably because she wasn't the one looking at spending Shabbat in Frankfurt, she persuaded me to call United again and say that I'd rather go back to Cleveland, spend the weekend there, and then try the whole process again on Sunday.

United agent: I can't do that. You've partially used the ticket.

Me: I partially used it because United sent me a wild-goose chase to Toronto without confirming that I'd have a way, from there, to get to my final destination.

Agent: You'll have to go to the airport in the morning and talk to the United agents there.

Me: But you are a United agent.

Agent: Yes, but you'll have to talk to the ones at the airport.

Me: I don't understand. You are a United reservations agent. What can they do at the airport that you can't do for me right now on the phone?

Agent: I'm sorry ma'am. That's the way it is.

Me: I want to talk to someone who has more power than you do.

Supervisor: Hello, what can I do for you?

Me: Do I need to repeat the whole story?

Supervisor: No, ma'am.

Me: So you are aware that United has stranded me in Toronto overnight. And that with this Lufthansa plan chances are very good that I'll spend a night sleeping on the floor of an airport.

Supervisor: One moment ma'am.

After another 15 minutes on hold, he offered me this:

Continental flight out of Toronto on Thursday at around 12:30 in the afternoon.
Two-hour layover in Newark.
Direct flight on Continental to Tel Aviv, arriving on Friday morning at 9:30 am.

You can see how this is so much better. If nothing else, being stranded in Newark is 1,000 times better than Frankfurt, because I actually have good friends and relatives in New Jersey and New York. (Hi Rivka! Lisa! Jessica! Aaron! Miriam!)

Now, why the supervisor could offer me this itinerary and Shar couldn't is a mystery for the ages.

**

I slept pretty fitfully, even though the bed was comfortable and I had my own pajamas and toiletries.

**

The next morning I used my $32 meal voucher to breakfast on whatever kosher food I could from the hotel buffet (yay berries! melon! cereal and milk!) and a bottle of water and two bananas to add to my stash of sandwiches, since with all the flight changes my chances of getting in-flight kosher meals were slim.

I got back to the Toronto airport at 10:30, two hours before my flight, got my boarding pass to Newark AND Tel Aviv, and proceeded to try to find out where my checked-in suitcase was. The Continental people told me to ask Air Canada, since my suitcase had come in on an Air Canada flight--and assured me that it wouldn't take more than 20 minutes for me to come back.

The Air Canada people told me to ask United, since the luggage tag had been issued by them.

United told me to go to another terminal and ask for a security escort into the baggage claim area.

The people in baggage claim told me that they definitely do not have my suitcase, and if it ever was in Toronto it has left again. Their computer had no record of what happened to it after it left Cleveland, but it certainly was not in the airport. They said I should ask Swiss Airlines, since the luggage tag said that the bag was supposed to go to Zurich on Swiss and then Tel Aviv. In all likelihood it was on its way to one of those cities, and I could put in a claim for it in Tel Aviv when I got there.

Back to the first terminal where I made my way to the proper gate about 15 minutes before boarding.

**

The flight to Newark was bumpy but otherwise fine.

The flight from Newark to Tel Aviv was long and involved sitting in the middle of a group of 41 teenagers from two Jewish day schools in Florida who were on their "trip of a lifetime" to Israel. Nice kids, but of course they were up talking and laughing all night. I don't blame them, but it was all rather miserable for me. I slept for about 2 hours and watched "The Godfather" (wow) and "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" (fun), both for the first time. And indeed I got kosher meals.

**

At Ben Gurion, they said my bag was definitely not in Israel. I put in a claim and they entered my tag number (ALWAYS SAVE YOUR LUGGAGE TAG STICKER!!!) and information into the computer system which is accessible by all airports around the world. They were pretty confident that it should arrive in Israel within a day or two -- and they said they'll deliver it to my house when it arrives.

So, here I am. I got home at about 12:30 in the afternoon--only 7 hours later than I'd originally planned, COOKED FOR SHABBAT believe it or not, and then slept the ENTIRE Shabbat except for meals with my roommate (and Liz for dinner. Hi, Liz!). It is now Saturday night at 10:21 pm and I am WIDE AWAKE. Thank God for melatonin, because I have to teach tomorrow and can't afford to be jetlagged.

Also thank God for all that stuff I had in my carry-on. Especially the book.

Artemis was the picture of indifference when she saw that I'd returned, but since then has come to me for snuggles a few times, and she slept on my bed last night (after two weeks on Liza's bed, so it seems she prefers me, aw.) She's less verbal than when I left. She stalks around more silently now. We'll see if that changes over time.

It's so good to be home! Finally!

2010-03-29T16:40:00.002+03:00

In Cleveland

Iz OK.

I'm already bored, but what can you do? I have no access to a car, there is no true taxi service here, it is snowing and rainy. Thank God my mother hoards magazines and catalogues, so there is plenty of mindless stuff to read and look at.

I've gotten a lot of writing work done and have helped my parents with Pesach preparations as much as they let me.

I also bought a cartload of toiletries at CVS.

Next week: Lesson planning.

To all those who celebrate it, happy Passover!

2010-03-20T20:35:00.004+02:00

Patting Myself on the Back - now updated! Again!

What Liza and I have accomplished in Pesach cleaning:

*Pantry (aka Hermione's Purse) - DONE
*Fridge - STARTED
*Bathroom - DONE
*Bookshelves - DONE
*My desk- STARTED
*Left side of my room - DONE
*My backpack - DONE

Update Sunday, March 21:
*Fridge- DONE
*Stovetop- DONE (not yet kashered)
*Oven - DONE (not yet kashered)
*Kosher for Passover Cat Food - BOUGHT

Update Monday, March 22:

*Kitchen cabinets - DONE
*Stovetop - KASHERED
*Dairy counter - KASHERED
*Other counters, table - CLEAN, not yet kashered
*My left closet- DONE
*Fridge- ALMOST DONE
*Washing Station - STARTED

I leave for the States on Tuesday night (alas, stopping only in Cleveland), and it wouldn't be fair to leave all the cleaning for my roommate (who will be here for the holiday), so we got a bigger head start than last year.

2010-03-05T14:57:00.006+02:00

Chayyei Sarah Food Blogs: Cuban Bean Soup

In an effort to use up kitniyot before Pesach*, I'm making a cuban bean soup for dinner tonight, and it looks like it's going to be really good, so I'm sharing the recipe with y'all.

This recipe was adapted from Randelman & Schwartz's Memories of a Cuban Kitchen, included on one of those old MasterCook CD's, and then found (and further adapted) by me on some random cooking site on the internet when I Googled "red bean recipe."

It looks like a huge production, but in actuality was not a big deal to put together, IMHO. Just remember to soak the beans the night before.

Ingredients:



1 lb (or one 500 gram bag) red kidney beans, soaked

2 quarts water

1 bay leaf

1 large green bell pepper, seeded and quartered (I chopped it)

                   

-----SOFRITO-----

1/4 cup olive oil

4 garlic cloves, chopped

1 large onion, chopped

1 large green bell pepper, diced

1 cup tomatoes, coarsely chopped

1 tblspn red wine vinegar (I used balsamic)

1/2 cup dry sherry (I used a cheap red wine)

1/2 tsp oregano

1/2 tsp cumin

Salt & pepper



-----TO FINISH-----

2 medium potatoes, diced

1 cup butternut squash, diced

(instead of the potatoes and squash, I'm using a large sweet potato; hope it's OK!)

Olive oil to taste



INSTRUCTIONS:



Combine beans, water bell pepper & salt, bring to a boil & simmer for 1 1/2 to 2 hours.

Add more water as needed.

(Sarah adds: They seem to have forgotten the bay leaf. I included it at this stage)

SOFRITO: Heat oil in a skillet, saute the garlic, onion & bell pepper till tender.  

Add tomatoes, vinegar, sherry, oregano, cumin, salt & pepper.

Cook 10 minutes.

When beans are tender, add the sofrito, potatoes & squash

(Sarah's note: I took out the bay leaf first).  

Stir to blend, & cook over a low heat until the potatoes & squash are tender.  

Either serve as is or puree.  

Drizzle some olive oil over each serving.

Shabbat shalom!

*I know I don't have to use up all my kitniyot, just set them aside, but it's a good time to be using up the non-perishables that have been sitting around. Plus, in general, regarding the stuff we're selling --which might include the kitniyot, since it's just easier to put all the hametz and kitniyot together-- we sell everything to Liz (with an official contract), who -- this is so cool-- actually does have a key to our apartment and actually does come by to take her newly-purchased hametz for herself. So anything we don't use now may very well end up on Liz's table in Ossawiya.

2010-02-28T00:40:00.003+02:00

Escape

I had a tough week. Among other things, I was laid off from a long-term project I've been doing on a regular basis for about 2 years. It a small job, and only paid a few hundred dollars per month, but hey, it was money made not only honestly but in a fun environment. And it was one of only two gigs on my desk that were ongoing, consistently bringing in the same amount of income each month. But now the client's revenue is down, so I'm out.

I'm also in a real Funk (yes, capital F) about dating. I will not dwell on that here, since there's really nothing meaningful to be said that hasn't been said already by people more gut-wrenchingly honest than I. Even when I'm with my girlfriends, we don't complain about -- or discuss in any way, really-- Dating Stuff much anymore. Partly because I gravitate to people who aren't complainers or gossipers, and partly because when you are in your late 30's and early 40's, it's all been said. We all know. There's no point in restating the obvious.

Plus I have not left my house for two days because it's been raining something brutal. Hail, thunder and lightning, pounding rain. Friday morning it was as if the sun never came up; it was just dark the whole day. Thanks to my roommate, who does the food shopping, we had enough in the house to make a pretty decent Shabbat without going shopping on Friday: she made bread from scratch, and baked a squash, and heated some fish fillets, and I steamed some brocolli and made a decent chicken stew in the crock pot out of vegetables and grains and poultry we had around. I'm so grateful for it all! But today after lunch she went out with friends, so I was alone the whole afternoon.

It doesn't help that even Artemis has been out of sorts lately. She doesn't know what to do with herself, because Inside is boring and Outside is wet.

Thankfully, I had my brand-new copy of The Gathering Storm, the twelfth book of the fantasy epic series I'm reading, of which I read about 400 pages over the course of Shabbat. It did what it was meant to do: transport me to a world where instead of worrying about finances and being alone (and other things), people worry over more urgent problems, like being eaten by Trollocs for dinner.

2010-02-16T15:44:00.002+02:00

Some Enchanted Evening

The other night I was walking home from Emek Refaim Street, and it was an evening of such pleasant weather that I couldn't help but drink in the just-right night air and think of spring and of romance and of happiness.

And then I immediately felt sad, because I realized that I didn't feel happy or springy. I just associated the beautiful weather with happy times, times when I'd walk home on such an evening and be happy, before ... well, before a lot of things. And it made me feel worse to know that I couldn't just be happy about the gorgeous night, that it all seems so far away from me.

So I'm embarking on a new personal-improvement project, to cultivate happiness again, to feel joy at things like balmy evenings and fun play rehearsals and creative people and good friends, to be truly happy about everything that I have, without always missing the things I don't.

This is harder than it sounds.

2010-02-10T13:53:00.004+02:00

CSI Jerusalem

Did I ever tell you that I once spent a night in the backseat of various police cars?

If you live in New York City, you can apply for a "civilian ride-along" with the NYPD. You get 3 hours in the back of the car, going along with the officers on their calls, watching them work. There are, of course, lots of rules about what you are and aren't allowed to do; the officers can drop you off at a station or some other safe place any time at their discretion, etc.

Anyhow, I was required to do a ride-along for one of my graduate Journalism courses, and discovered that being a police officer involves a lot of boredom, punctuated by occasional mild drama. My 3 hours turned into 8 because, after responding to a call, the officers have to go back to the station to fill out paperwork, so they'd hand me off from car to car to make it more exciting for me.

I was at the scene of a murder! And do you know, murders are nothing like in CSI. First of all, the investigators are not necessarily so young and good-looking. Second, everything moves slower and there's a lot of waiting involved. And most important, there is no soundtrack. In real-life, for non-family members, it's pretty ho-hum.

Anyway, this is all a long way of getting 'round to the fact that last night someone broke into my apartment and stole my roommate's 2 computers. It appears that someone who had our key came in, took the computers, and walked right out again, ignoring the jewelry, the television, the DVD player. Thank God, my own computer was with me, at my teaching job. And also, thank God, Liza had recently backed up all her files! And also, thank God, no one was hurt in any way. Artemis saw everything that happened but can't tell us who done it.

Three police officers came over the course of last night and this morning -- a first responder, an investigator, and a fingerprint lifter -- demonstrating an important difference between New York and Jerusalem: all three were young and hot. Three for three. Two men -- hot hot hot -- and a woman who I think I'd find attractive if I were attracted to women. Also, the first one was not only hot, he was wearing a kippah. And when I wished the woman "mazal tov" because she was wearing an engagement ring, she said "thank you, soon by you," and it was the first time I was thrilled to hear it. Young, hot, Jewish police officers. I love this country!

2010-02-09T12:53:00.003+02:00

Since they obviously aren't publishing it at this point . . .

... I feel free to share with you the letter I sent to the NY Times on January 25, in response to this article of January 21 about Israel's aid efforts to Haiti:

Ethan Bronner quoted Israeli newspaper commentators who marveled at the irony of Israel's swift, effective aid to Haitians, while Gazans languish next door ("For Israelis, Mixed Feeling on Aid Effort," January 21).

While acknowledging the very real suffering of Gazans and Israel's part in it, I suggest that it is easier for most nations to feel sympathy for people thousands of miles away who are victims of a natural disaster, than to sympathize with neighbors who lob rockets at them constantly and whose disadvantaged state is largely the result of their elected leaders' squandering billions of dollars of international aid.

[Sarah's note: I neither take it personally nor as a sign of anti-Israel sentiment that the Times didn't publish my letter. They publish plenty of letters that express pro-Israel viewpoints. For more about how the Times chooses which letters to print, go here.

(Also, I very much dislike the idea of being either "pro" or "anti" Israel. Can't a person be "totally in love with the State of Israel and thankful every single day to have the privilege of living in it, but also aware that the situation here is complicated and Israel is making a lot of mistakes, but not wanting to create a moral equivalency between bad mistakes and terrorism and widespread corruption, and wanting peace and prosperity for Israel as well as for the Palestinians, and I hope that someday we'll all be in a place where that can happen, even though right now I'm frustrated because the Palestinians are acting like 2-year-olds, and even if they grew up I don't think Israelis are ready to give up the hurt and the hatred, plus there is the whole issue of West Bank settlements about which I feel ambivalent because even though it is historically and spiritually connected deeply to Jews and so cool that we can walk around there and even live there, it still is hypocritical on a political level to build settlements there while simultaneously holding it as the carrot that the Palestinians can get if they grow up, because obviously we are being two-faced, and I don't like to think about it too much because it makes my head hurt and I don't like conflict"? Or is that just too many words?)]

2010-02-05T14:22:00.002+02:00

It is Two Hours Before Shabbat

and, except for when I put on some clothes and went out in the rain to get some food we needed, I have accomplished nothing of note, except that I read some interesting articles in the NY Times about HeLa cells, which is all fascinating but doesn't help me do the things I need to do.

Lately I've been thinking about unproductivity, and why I'm sometimes (OK, often) unproductive, and about some other people I know who, also, are often unproductive, and I've been thinking about why this happens, and how we judge ourselves, and how other people judge us.

I've been thinking about what laziness is.

If someone is unproductive because they have a physical illness -- something acute, like the flu, or something chronic, like my mother's Familial Mediterranean Fever -- it is usually easy for people to understand and forgive.

To a lesser extent, if someone is unproductive because they are going through an episode of clinical depression, the people around them MIGHT understand and MIGHT forgive, depending on whether there has been a formal diagnosis, whether the person is cooperating with their doctor (ie, taking their meds), and the extent to which those "others" can wrap their minds around the idea that depression is physical. There is a lot of stigma attached to unproductivity that isn't caused by any obvious physical problem, unproductivity that, it appears, is "all in one's head." Still, if there is a diagnosis, these days more and more people "get it."

But if a person isn't in the midst of any formal physical or psychiatric "episode" or chronic problem, what does it mean if that person (for example, me, often) just can't "get their act together"? What is going on when a person is just "lazy"? Why is it so easy for some people to get up in the morning and "get moving," and for others it is so damn hard?

I think of myself and about other people in my life who so badly want to be "movers and shakers," who have the intelligence and talent and ambition to do a whole lot in very little time. But we can't; we feel like we can't. Sometimes we are blamed -- told that we can, we just don't, that we just feel entitled or privileged or selfish or are simply happy to let other people work while we do nothing-- and sometimes we believe it and feel terrible.

I have the feeling that someday -- probably not in my lifetime -- science will catch up with this. I also have the feeling that it's tied up somehow with metabolism. So much is related to how our bodies burn fuel, that we don't understand or begin to even consider. Perhaps someday this attribute of being productivity-challenged will be given a name, and then it will carry less blame and less shame.

Or maybe we are, after all, just lazy.

But why?

2010-02-03T13:12:00.002+02:00

Quick Updates on Some Things

1) Nice things that have happened because of this blog:

a) One of my readers, who worked in East Jerusalem at an organization that helps victims of domestic violence, needed to hire a grantwriter who speaks English and Arabic, and remembered my post about Liz. So, guess what? Liz is back in the country! She got a job through the blog! She stayed with us for a couple of weeks before finding an apartment in the neighborhood of Ossawiya, on the other side of Hebrew University's Mount Scopus campus. Once she gets her first paycheck she owes me dinner. :-)

Liz has a running joke about how her Arab neighbors in Hebron (back when she was living in Palestinian Hebron) couldn't wrap their minds around her being an atheist (agnostic? I don't remember), and put her in the "Communist" category in their minds. Now she will be living with non-religious Arabs in her new apartment. I am trying to convince her to start a blog called The Communists of Ossawiya, but so far she's not persuaded.

b) Lila has been adopted, by one of my blog readers who recently moved to Israel. Congratulations to Lila on her adoption, and congratulations to Alexandra P. on your aliyah and your new cat!

2) Something new in my life

I started teaching again, at Ramah. This year, for the first time ev-ar, I've got an AP class! AP Language! I'm so excited, first because it's basically a Rhetoric and Freshman Composition course, so we are studying all non-fiction, all the time! This is my profession! Non-fiction is what I do. Second, I only have 4 students. Grading will go by in a snap. I cannot put into words how much I hate grading papers, even though I've tried. Third, it's 4 talented, motivated students. And fourth, I got to learn all sorts of interesting new things myself, because I have to teach about them, like the Aristotelian Appeals and all those logical fallacies like Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc. I've wanted to learn and teach about the logical fallacies for about 10 years -- and simply never got around to studying them until now, when I have to teach them. I love this kind of thing. Logical-Mathematical Reasoning, represent!

3) Something about to be new in my life

Rehearsals start tonight for Fiddler on the Roof. Woo-hoo!

4) Something that gives me faith in the universe

I went on three dates! With the same person! :-) No, it is not "going anywhere." For important reasons which I need not disclose here, we agreed mutually and amicably that getting into a relationship would not be a good idea at this point. However, he was nice, and emotionally mature, and articulate, and pretty cute, and he really really liked me (I got flowers! Hello, how much do I deserve flowers? How much of a crime is it that I almost never get them?) He didn't do anything ridiculous, nor am I hurt about being "rejected," because that's not what happened. So, I feel good that we met, and it's OK that we are not going out anymore, and all is -- well, good! Nice to know there ARE still "normal" people out there.

5) Artemis: The Good News

Artemis is healthy and active. It appears that everyone in the neighborhood knows her and thinks she is cute. She follows me to Emek Refaim every day. She snuggles in the mornings. She loves her mouse-on-a-stick. She has funny little habits: for example, sometimes I give her some canned food which is chunks of (processed) meat in a sauce, and she licks off ALL the sauce and leaves the meat behind. I gave her leftover cholent and she licked up everything, so carefully, AROUND the barley, and left the grains.

Over the last few weeks she's been gradually moving out of her kitten food and into grown-up cat food. In a couple of days the kitten food will be completely gone, and she will enter a new gastronomic stage of life. Our little girl is growing up!

6) Artemis: The Bad News

Artemis has been scratching and biting more than she used to. The back of my hand has several ugly scratches in it. I had to put on gloves to brush her. We think that maybe it's because the cold weather is putting her in a bad mood, or perhaps some other home she visits in the neighborhood has children who are all over her and so she doesn't like to be touched. Be that as it may, I can't brush her at all unless I hold her by the scruff of the neck, and I have to be super-careful to stop scritching her at the first sign of annoyance (twitching ears, moving tail, etc).

The last couple of days she's gotten a little better about it, and more inclined to be scritched for a long time. So I'm hoping this is just a phase.

On a more disgusting note, I don't know what she is eating when she goes outside, but the last few days she's had terrible gas. You do NOT want a cat to fart while you are holding it. Eeeeewwwwww.

7) Something that keeps me sane

Over the last couple of weeks I've had breakfast or lunch several times with various friends. It feels a little "Ladies Who Lunch"-y, but that's when we have time: during the day, when all the poor people who work "real" jobs (that is, jobs with a regular salary on one hand but a boss on the other) have to be in their cubicles.

Anyway, it feels good to be making time to be social and see people I like very much. Indeed, I get by with a little help from my friends!

2010-01-28T02:09:00.003+02:00

Salivating

Apple has unveiled their new iPad Tablet. Finally. I have been waiting so long for this. And . . .

I WANT ONE.

I need a new computer anyhow. Mine is definitely in its twilight years. (Months. Weeks.)

As soon as that baby is upgraded to be able to play Flash, I'm getting one. That very second.

I CAN WRITE ARTICLES ON BUSES WITH IT.

In cars.

Waiting at the bank.

YOU DON'T NEED A TABLE OR EVEN A LAP.

And it's only 1.5 pounds.

OMG. OMG. This is a dream come true.

I'm switching to Mac, Baby!

2010-01-22T01:44:00.002+02:00

Two Quick Things

It's almost 2 am here, so this will be short.

1) If you were interested in the recent Science Times story about pediatric strokes, you might be moved by the latest blog post by a close friend of mine. Background for those who have not been following her blog (even though it is on my blogroll and you really should be): In November of 2008, her daughter almost died from a raging pneumonia. Then in July 2009, the same daughter had a stroke; she was six years old. Go read.

2) I got into Fiddler! Not any sort of speaking part -- I'm in the "troupe" aka "one of the townspeople" -- but it's good enough for me. Given that 165 people tried out, and there are maybe 50-60 people who got in, and I'd never sung at any sort of audition before, and I haven't been in a play since 10th grade, I'm feeling lucky just to be part of it. I'm happy because my friends R the Female and R the Male also got in (and R the Female actually has a spoken line! Just one, but still!), so I'll know other people at rehearsals.

And, hearty Mazal Tov to my friend Gila, who will be Frumme Sarah!

2010-01-18T16:23:00.001+02:00

Two Articles

FYI, I have two stories in the current issue of The Jewish Week, in the Education supplement:

Is Education in Israel Really Free? (of interest to potential American immigrants with kids)

and

"Shalom Sesame," Updated and Interactive (about a new Sesame Workshop project aimed at American Jewish children and families - I loved the interviews for this story. The people I talked with were so passionate and articulate.)

If you like these stories, please feel free to write to the editor, letting him know.

2010-01-17T21:41:00.001+02:00

Check it Out

The New York Times has a feature called "Talk to the Times," in which different editors take turns answering questions from readers.

Recently, the Aviation correspondent took questions, and mine was answered! Check it out here, under "Worthless Vouchers."

2010-01-17T12:44:00.004+02:00

Lila

This is Lila. She's about 4 weeks old.

Two weeks ago she was found on the street, abandoned and weak. My friend Leah has been nursing her to health. Lila's been eating and growing like a banshee, and is active and playful. She's starting now to eat solid food. My roommate and I babysat her this weekend, and she prances around the apartment and is generally adorable.

Leah cannot keep Lila, because Leah's son is allergic to cats. If you would like to adopt Lila, or know someone who would, have them email me at chayyeisarah [at] yahoo [dot] com.

2010-01-14T20:10:00.002+02:00

Exciting Week

At last, I actually have some interesting things to talk about. It's been a great week!

But first, remember the controlling jerk I wrote about last time? It actually got worse. The day after I posted, he sent me an email that basically said "So, Sarah, have you decided? Can we start with a clean slate, turn the page, take a chance on love?" (Gag.) There was more, but that was the gist of it.

I responded "No. I'm not interested in drama. Good luck to you."

His reply?

"Well, if you aren't interested in drama, maybe you'd be interested in getting together sometimes to f*ck?"

::blink, blink::

**

Right. On to my much-better-week-THIS-week:

1) Things My Shaliach Never Told Me: For an article I'm working on, I visited Sussya, a fascinating archeological excavation in the south Hebron/ north Be'er Sheva hills (about 3 miles over the Green Line), which does not seem to have a website in English. Until 1967, it was known that there were many ruins in the area, but everyone assumed that this ruin was an old church, just like all the other ruins around it. But after 1967 the Israelis started digging it up, and discovered old Jewish homes, including many lintels with menorahs engraved into them, over 30 mikvaot, and a large synagogue facing Jerusalem with a mosaic floor depicting images from the Second Temple.

Turns out that after the Romans made it illegal for Jews to live in Jerusalem, almost all the Jews went north, following the Sanhedrin, who moved around to Tzippori, Tiberias, etc.

But some Jews moved south instead, presumably so that they could be closer to Jerusalem. (The enormous number of mikvaot and the synagogue mosaics suggest that they were exceptionally keen on maintaining Temple-era customs.) At its peak, between 400-800 C.E., Sussya appears to have been the home of 3,000 Hebrews, who were surrounded first by Edomites and then by Christians.

I'll try to devote more to describing the site later -- it depends also on what I put in the article, and when it's published -- but for now... just, WOW!

2) Michal Negrin Factory Tour: For another article, I took a tour of the Bat Yam factory where designer Michal Negrin creates her hyper-feminine jewelry, clothes, and home decor. For 15 shekels, one sees where the items are assembled, gets coffee and (cheese!)cake in the gallery, watches a short film about the growth of Negrin's empire, and has access to the factory store, where many items are 30% off. It was interesting and fun and extremely sparkly and girly.

I went with my friend Beth and her daughter Neshama, who was allowed to play hooky from school and come with us because it was her 8th birthday. She was a very good girl, didn't touch anything she wasn't allowed to touch, asked intelligent questions. At one point Michal Negrin herself came through the gallery, and agreed to have her picture taken with Neshama.

Neshama decided to use her birthday money to take out her mother and me for lunch. Isn't that adorable?

3) Family Lost and Found: So, I don't have a lot of close family members. There's my sister and 3 first-cousins. After that, I've got third cousins in Petach Tikva and here in Jerusalem. That's it. I don't have any second-cousins to speak of, really, because most of my grandmother's family was killed in the Holocaust, and on the other 3 branches of my family tree people either just didn't have a lot of kids (if any), or they became estranged from each other. (Though I guess I could track down some second-cousins I have on my father's side. Something to think about.) I've always been envious of people who have lots of cousins.

I've become pretty close with my third-cousin Shimmy's family here in the capital, even though they are Haredi and there are Things We Do Not Talk About. Anyhow, one of Shimmy's (11) children celebrated his bar mitzvah this week, and two nights ago I went to the Bais Yisroel neighborhood for the party. As I was trying to figure out how to enter the building, a young woman -- about 18, or seminary age -- approached me, expressing confusion similar to mine about the location of the entrance. As we walked around the building, I asked how she knows the family. Turned out she is also related to Shimmy... also related through Shimmy's mother's mother . . . also Shimmy's third cousin ... and she's MY THIRD COUSIN TOO!!!!!

It would be difficult for me to put into words how much it meant to me to meet this young lady, Shaina. I've invested some time in constructing my family tree, and so I've heard of her family's existence -- she comes from a prominent family of Lubavitcher chassidim, and I've been thinking for a few years that maybe the next time I'm in New York I'll make a stop in Crown Heights to meet them -- but until this week she was listed in my family tree documents as "at least 10 children of Avraham *****." We sat together at the bar mitzvah. She's a very bright young woman studying in Tzfat, planning to attend Touro College next year toward a career in the allied health professions (maybe nursing, maybe pharmaceuticals), or maybe math. Or maybe history. :-) We agreed to get together again the next time she comes to Jerusalem.

If you have a lot of cousins, or if you don't have any family who were murdered in the Holocaust, it might be hard to understand why this makes me so happy, it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

4) Auditions! Despite the fact that 25 years ago I wanted to be an actress, I have not been in a play since 10th grade. Lots of reasons for that, including the whole kol isha thing. Lately I've been realizing how many things I've avoided doing in my life because I wanted to maintain a certain kind of reputation in the Orthodox community, for "shidduch" purposes, etc. Well, hello. That's really been working for me, right? [Insert ruefullness here.] So, when I heard that a local English-language theater company is putting on Fiddler on the Roof, I decided I was trying out for that show no matter what, because I love this show. I must be in it.

Ironically, I decided to try out for -- wait for it -- the matchmaker, Yente, since I'm neither experienced enough nor talented enough for a main role, and I'll be lucky if I just get a part in the chorus. I was one of over 130 people to audition for this production. I'm also too old to play any of the daughters and too young to play Golde. Besides. I know Yentes. It is not hard for me to imagine Yente.

The director and musical director were very nice. I belted out the chorus from "If I Were a Rich Man" and read one of Yente's lines. They had me follow along with some scales to see how high I can sing (not very). They asked if I'd still be in the show if I didn't get the part I want. Heck, yes. I just want to be part of this. I was told later that after I finished, the theater people spent 5 minutes deliberating over me, which is a good sign. I feel pretty good about the whole thing; if I don't get a part (which is very likely), it won't be because I messed up in any huge way. I gave it my all and didn't embarass myself, so I feel good about trying, regardless of whether I make the cut.

That's it for now. Thanks for reading!

2010-01-05T13:51:00.002+02:00

Dating Whoa

On Friday I rejoined Jdate.

On Saturday night, I checked the messages that had been piling up for me in the 2 years I hadn't been a paid member, and replied positively to 5 men and initiated contact with a 6th. (Of whom two have read their message, and no one has responded.)

On Sunday, someone IMed me, and I took a deep breath and "accepted" the IM, so we could "chat." He told me his name is Guy and sent me his picture. Frankly, for various reasons (cultural, religious, linguistic) I couldn't imagine this going anywhere serious, but here I'm 37 and a really hot 29-year-old was telling me he doesn't care about my age, because I'm cute. What would YOU do? "Serious" has not been working for me, obviously. Why keep banging my head against a wall when a hot 29-year-old wants to talk to me? Have I mentioned that he's hot? We exchanged email addresses and phone numbers.

I was supposed to call him last night at 10. At 9, I wrote him an email (and sent a follow-up text message to make sure he got it on time) saying that I'm really, really sorry, but I have an article that MUST be given in by midnight, and I'm still not finished, and can we please postpone until tomorrow? I really do want to talk to you, so sorry, etc etc.

This was his response (my translation in parentheses):

אני מציע שתדברי איתי מחר.
I suggest you speak with me tomorrow
הבנתי את מה שאת אומרת ודי קשה לי לקבל את זה.
I understood what you said and it's hard for me to accept this.
יש לי הרבה מה להסביר לך לגבי התנהגות שלך מולי ,
I have a lot to say to you about your behavior toward me.
אם קובעים לא מבריזים , הפעם אני מוותר . יותר זה לא יקרה.
If you set a time, you don't blow it off, this time I'll let it pass. It won't happen again.
מחר אני רוצה לשמוע ממך. ברור?
Tomorrow I want to hear from you. Is that clear?

**

Controlling, much?

I told him that, yes, it is very "clear" -- that continuing this would be a bad idea. I tried to be as polite as possible, but yes, the words "controlling jerk" made their way into my email, a few lines before "b'hatzlacha in your search for a life partner."

I'm glad I can recognize an abusive ass when I see one, and stay away (lesson hard-learned from my relationship with R), but still, this hurt and was very disappointing. I admit to doing a little crying in frustration . . . and not finishing my article.

Today he wrote back with a lame excuse ("Your email was very apologetic and I thought you wanted me to be tough with you. I would never act like a controlling jerk unless someone requests it." Right. I ASKED FOR IT.) and apologies. He also admitted that his name isn't really Guy, and this is his first time on a dating website, and he doesn't know why he tried to "be someone else."

I seriously do not need this drama. I am done with drama.

What is appalling to me, though, is that I can feel in myself why so many women would stick around with a guy like this. There is something compelling about drama, and about apologies that sound sincere, and about a man who says "I hope you will contact me again, because I think there is potential here, and that you could be someone I'd like to have in my life." Like riding down Niagara in a barrel, it sounds romantic and exciting . . . until you stop to think about it.

2010-01-04T14:34:00.002+02:00

My Name in Books

I keep forgetting to tell you all: I'm in two new books!

1- The good folks behind Taglit-Birthright partnered with Nextbook (the folks behind Tablet magazine) to create an Israel Travel Companion, an untraditional guidebook which will be distributed to Taglit-Birthright participants. The book assumes that the reader does not need information on hotels and restaurants, since they are being taken around by tour organizers, but that they DO need contextual information for the sites they see. Too many participants were coming back to their hotels at night and asking "What was the name of the king who built that site we saw today, again?" or "That site we're seeing tomorrow ...what is it, and where is it in relation to where we are now?"

So the book contains maps and a historical timeline. For each region of the country, there is an introduction to that region (written by Yours Truly) about the area's climate; population; historical, religious and/or economic significance; and other interesting facts that differentiate the area from the rest of Israel. Then there are pages devoted to the sites that are typically included in a Taglit-Birthright itinerary; a profile of an Israeli who lives in that region and represents its zeitgeist; an exerpt from a piece of literature connected to the area; and some sort of vocabulary guide (for example, names of the historical figures after whom large streets in Tel Aviv are named).

I personally think this book should be marketed to any and all new tourists to Israel. It's an excellent tool for putting Israel's sites into their respective geographical and cultural contexts. I'm very proud to have been part of this, and hope that the Taglit-Birthright participants enjoy it.

2- The Targum Shlishi Foundation in Florida recently published a book containing profiles of Jews from around the world who, in various ways, have impacted the Jewish world for the better. From rabbis to artists to activists, these are interesting and inspiring people worth knowing about. I was assigned two of the profiles, about Dr. Avivah Zornberg and about Rachel Azaria. These are two fascinating women with compelling stories, so I enjoyed this assignment thoroughly.

Unfortunately, the book has one of the most. specious. titles. evar. It is called Jewish Sages of Today.

Ahem.

Now, the people included in this book are indeed extraordinary. Rachel Azaria, for example, is a driven activist who put the issue of mesoravot get into the consciousness of many Members of Knesset, and helped change Mavoi Satum from a social services organization to one that is also driving political change. She's now on the Jerusalem City Council.

But is she a sage? I think she'd be the first to say that she's not. Even Dr. Zornberg, who is one of the few profilees who is actually a Torah scholar, expressed major reservations with the title. And Gary Rosenblatt? A terrific editor, yes (disclosure: also a client of mine). A man holding a sensitive but important role in the Jewish world, yes. A good guy? Yes. A sage? No. Who knows what the publishers were thinking.

But anyhow, it's an interesting book, if you can get your hands on a copy. It's already out of print, but you can get one through various sellers at Amazon, and I see that a few copies are up for auction at eBay right now.

2009-12-29T14:49:00.003+02:00

It's That Time

This, for me, is the hardest stage of the writing process.

I pitched the story, and it was accepted. The editor and I agreed on a word count and a due date. I started interviewing, and started researching, and submitted a broad outline. I interviewed some more, and researched some more, and then some more.

Now I have 40 pages of notes -- a Word document of 15,237 words, and a long PDF file with a statistical report -- to whittle down into an engaging, comprehensive, informative and tightly-written article of 3 pages (1,500 - 2,000 words).

I know what I will do. I will make up 4-5 section heads and put them in a new document, to be minimized to the bottom of my screen, and go through my notes (minimized at the top of my screen), cutting and pasting salient quotations and statistics and references under the correct subject headings. I will decide which of the interviews I've conducted makes for the most compelling "lede" (introduction) and put that interview up top.

I'll go through all those notes and re-order information in each section, paying attention to stories and quotations and ideas that transition well from one to another, or to the following section. I'll make decisions about whom to quote and where -- highlighting terrific quotations in pink or purple-- minding the fact that I need to quote each person I interviewed at least once, to show off how many interviews I did and thereby establish expertise. Boring quotations and extraneous or repetitive information will be highlighted in grey, to be essentially ignored from now on.

I'll close my 40 pages of notes and move my new outline to the top of the screen. At this point I feel more confident and the process gets easier. On yet another fresh new page, I'll start writing the story, weaving together concepts and facts and quotations in a way that must, because of the nature of my client's publication, be accessible to laypeople but interesting to readers who are already experts on this subject. When I'm done, I'll probably discover that I've gone over my word limit by about a third, and I will go back to cut, cut, cut. By then I'll feel happy and proud and I'll work eagerly, looking forward to hitting the "send" button.

But right now, I'm neither happy nor proud.

Forty pages of notes.

2009-12-29T00:05:00.002+02:00

Eeyore the Editor

I have a book called Writer's Market, which lists thousands of magazines published in the United States; it's an essential desk reference for freelance writers. In it, I discovered a magazine which I'll call, for the purpose of maintaining its privacy (for reasons you'll soon see), Widget Collectors of America.

Now, it just so happens that I know someone who --for purposes of this blog post--collects widgets, and in fact I have written about this person ("Mr. Hobbyist") for a newspaper in the past. I've got lots of extra interview material that has never been published, and photos for which I have the publishing rights, so like anyone does who has taken Freelancing 101, I attempted to make more money out of the material I already have, and pitched a story to Widget Collectors of America. I made it clear that I've already written about Mr. Hobbyist but would create a new story with different interview material and updated information (so as to avoid copyright issues).

The following is the exact email I got back:

What you propose would indeed likely be a good fit for our magazine, but I probably have to pass because our freelance budget has been so severely constrained over the past two-plus years that I am certain that whatever I could pay would be inadequate/insulting. We were never lavish in our author payments, but now the tough times have pushed us to levels such that we only handle a fraction of the number of freelance pieces that we used to feature. And this is not me playing hardball in a shameless attempt to elicit an agreement to a niggardly figure; I truly am embarrassed by what we could pay and so merely decline without making my chagrin official.

My response:

That was the saddest-in-the-funniest-way response I've ever gotten!

OK, since you were honest with me, I'll be honest with you: I've already got so much material from when I did the [previously published] interview, that didn't make it into [that] story -- plus a few updates from when I visited [Mr. Hobbyist] recently to take photos [of his widget collection] -- that I could write up a new story in under 2 hours, tops, without even talking to [Mr. Hobbyist]. If I have to talk to him, or visit again, add MAYBE another hour or two, depending on if I walk there or take the bus.

When I charge by the hour, I charge $xx per hour. You do the math.

Game back on?

Sarah

Mr. Editor replies:

Sarah ... I wasn’t going for sad and funny, but I think I often get there without really trying. It’s probably the difficult circumstances in which we find ourselves these days. Everything we accept has to be based on a finished manuscript, but given your credentials I doubt there’s much chance I would be disappointed in what you provide. I’d be happy to look at something and would make every effort not to embarrass myself with a proposed payment, taking into account the parameters of your e-mail below. I am actually horrible at math, but not so much to be left out in the cold on this one. I would have to hit you up for two or three pictures of your choosing as well.

I appreciate your not actually calling me any unflattering names.

Sarah writes:

It's OK. I won't bite.

If I were writing on a new topic I'd be walking away, but I've got all this material already, so I may as well make a little more money off it, instead of no money.

So, with the understanding that you can't officially guarantee to buy my story, how many words do you think would work best for a submitted draft?

Pictures are no problem.

Sarah

At this point he called me, even though I'd said in my email to please always call before x pm his time, because of the time difference. I told him it's OK, I obviously am not asleep because I'd just sent him an email. He said "Oh, my God, I would have felt so bad! I'm so sorry. Etc." I said "really, I'm not a scary person. Have other writers actually called you names?" He mumbled something that suggested to me that he's getting flak from readers because the publication is getting smaller and smaller.

Anyway, we agreed on a word count, and I'm planning to spend no more than 2 hours on it because he can't officially promise to publish it, and I have no idea if he plans to pay more than 2 x [my hourly rate]. I am confident I can get away with this because, frankly, I'm a good writer. And I may as well risk the 2 hours because, frankly, with the economy as it is, I don't have enough other work.

The crazy part was when he told me that Widget Collectors of America is a weekly publication. How is this man supposed to find enough material about Widget collecting to fill a magazine about it every week?

Sarah: Really? Given your focus, I'd have thought that a monthly would be --

Editor [resignedly]: Just peachy. That is correct. But I can't convince the higher-ups of that.

[pause]

Sarah: I'm sorry for your plight.

Editor: It's OK, I've elicited enough sympathy from you.

Geez, Louise! If ever there was a candidate for non-prescription drugs, it is this guy! He and his situation are so sad!

2009-12-28T12:13:00.002+02:00

Impressive Women Bloggers

I'm writing a story for my college Alumnae magazine, about fellow graduates (and current students) who blog.

Reading a variety of blogs by other Barnard women made me realize just how lame-o my blog has become. I'd suspected it; now I know.

If you want some good readin', I recommend the following (in addition to the blogs on my blogroll, at right):

Living in Invisible Cities (blog about raising a baby with Costello Syndrome)

Sarah's Cucina Bella (food blog)

Not Derby Pie (food blog) (I met this writer in person and she is delightful.)

What Would Krissie Wear (young writer working in corporate world shares ideas of how to dress stylishly for work, on a low budget)

Sasha Soreff Dance Theater (choreographer blogs about the creative process, and the rehearsal process)

Six Figure Start (blogs about the job search process, from the recruiter's perspective; she's a career coach and life coach)

Fatherland (subtitle: There's No Place Like Home, or, How and Why a Nice Jewish Girl Asked Germany To Take Her Back)

There's lots more, but that's a start. Have fun surfing.

2009-12-23T14:54:00.004+02:00

Could you resist this face?

The following conversation happens every night while I'm working at my computer (that's my denim skirt in the picture):

Artemis parks herself next to me and squeaks.

"Please play mouse-on-a-stick with me?"

Sarah: Hi, Artemis. I'm working.

Artemis meows pitifully.

"Seriously. Please? With a cherry on top?"

Well, what would YOU do?

2009-12-21T21:51:00.006+02:00

My What Big Ears You Have

Today, Artemis is 8 months old. She's such a big girl! (Yes, I'm insane.)

Waking up is hard to do

Artemis doesn't know how to cover her mouth when she's yawning. Notice how white her teeth are? That's because I brush them regularly. (Yes, I'm insane. Though, to be fair, dental hygiene is an important part of responsible pet ownership.)

Her Royal Catness

This is Artemis saying "Please make that mousy on a stick move. Please? You know you want to. You know I will keep meowing until you make the mouse move. Meow. Meow. Meow.

Meow."

2009-12-18T14:47:00.002+02:00

Pre-Shabbat Post

Thanks to the many, many people who responded to my previous post, either in the comments or by email, to say either that a) they think I'm simply reacting strongly to the long, dark winter nights and would benefit from a sunlamp, which sounds like a good idea and/or b) they, too, have had friendships fizzle out for no discernible reason and it's not about me. The biggest ego-booster came from a former roommate who said "You are still the fun, clever, talented person you have always been."

I appreciate the concern and support.

In other news, I've lovingly developed a penchant for chocolate-covered sufganiyot with sprinkles on top, and Artemis has learned to drink from the faucet without getting her nose wet, and I've finished watching Season 5 of House. (Without giving away TOO many details, I CANNOT BELIEVE they killed off the character they killed off. I loved that character! I deeply related to that character! So what if the person who played that actor got a job in the White House? They could have, like, just transferred the character to another hospital or whatever. Sucks.) And, I recently realized that Felicia Day and Co. have finished production of Season 3 of The Guild and I haven't been keeping up! So now I have almost the whole season to watch, yay.

Also I'm still bone tired, and anxious about my work (which I currently have TOO MUCH of, all at once, but in about a week I'll have TOO LITTLE). I'm so tired that even though Shabbat starts in an hour and my house is a mess and I've barely cooked anything, and I have a friend coming tonight for dinner, I can't get myself to stand up and start doing stuff. I just want to get back into bed and hide for the next 2 months. Urgh.

Oh, also, I decided that I have to join JDate before Shabbat starts, while it's still Chanukah, because, you know, I need a Chanukah miracle! Is that corny or what?

Whatever. I gotta go cook and clean. Blah.

2009-12-14T18:01:00.003+02:00

Sad on Chanukah

Although I'm not really aware of being sad, and during the day I'm very productive, I think I might be getting depressed because lately I've been sleeping for about 11 hours a night with no logical explanation.

I can think of a few things worrying me: Money issues, dating issues ... having those issues on Chanukah... but there's nothing in particular going on, and in fact I've been doing really well lately in other areas (exercising more, getting more work done, getting more errands done), so I don't know what's up.

Anyway there is one thing I want to get off my chest, and I hope this blog post will help me get some "closure" on it.

In college I had an incredibly close friend I'll call Yaffa, because that was NOT her name. We met in the middle of Freshman year and talked or spent time together almost every day after that. In Junior and Senior years we shared an apartment with some other friends. We had one of those intensely loyal relationships that women have; we were like close sisters.

In Junior year it transpired that she wished to date a mutual friend I'll call Jonah (because that is NOT his name), someone I'd gone to high school with and was, also, a very close friend. I was instrumental in getting them together, and when they got married I flew out to the West Coast to be a bridesmaid at their wedding.

Meanwhile we all graduated and pretty soon Yaffa and Jonah moved to the West Coast and started having children, while I stayed in New York. I spoke with Yaffa sometimes, but it turned out that she's terrible at keeping in touch. It wasn't just me, it was all her New York friends. Her reasons were always a combination of being busy and not remembering to call until night-time, when it was too late out East to call. Still, we did talk on the phone intermittently, and I saw them once or twice a year when we were all in Boston for Jewish holidays. I'd walk over to Jonah's parents' house to see them for a few hours. Also, a couple of times, when I visited my sister in California, I flew or rented a car and drove several hours (each way) to see my old college friends.

Then I made Aliyah, and basically never heard from them again, except for formal birth announcements they mailed out. I do remember that shortly after I moved to Israel, Yaffa was here to visit family, and I was disappointed that she didn't make time to see me. After that, I tried calling them, leaving messages on their machine every few weeks... and then every few months ... and then about once a year...and never got a response. Emails to Jonah's various addresses either bounced back or got no answer, and I'd never had an email for Yaffa because I'd never needed one; she'd used her husband's.

I had the feeling it wasn't anything to take personally -- if the time difference had been an issue before, it was worse now; and if they'd been busy before, they were much busier now with more kids and more job and graduate school obligations -- but it hurt and it was disappointing that people I'd been so close with had just disappeared completely from my life. I was especially hurt about Yaffa because, as close as Jonah and I had been in high school and college, the friendship between women is just different and more intense. Certainly I understand being in touch less, since I'm in touch less with MOST of my friends who are still in America. But to never hear from them at all? It's so sad, and I do wonder whether maybe I'd said something wrong.

About a year ago I was at some sort of social function -- a wedding? I don't remember -- and ran into Esther (NOT her name), who I know because she, too, had been a bridesmaid at Yaffa and Jonah's wedding. We caught up a little, and it turned out that Yaffa has effectively dropped out of Esther's life as well, something she feels sore and confused about, also.

Through Facebook, I sent an email to Jonah's sister a few weeks ago, who put me in touch with Jonah, who connected me to Yaffa. We exchanged a few polite emails and she caught me up on her life, but the exchange fizzled. The thread is lost and she's not picking it up again... and if she won't, or can't, then I won't either.

I worry about them sometimes. During the years after graduation, I know they were having a hard time financially for a while, and sometimes wondered, when I saw them together, how their marriage was going. (For the record I do *not* suspect that Jonah is isolating Yaffa in any way; if anything, she's the one with more power in their relationship). But based on their Facebook pictures and what they emailed me, it seems they are doing better now and have a good, stable life. Their kids are beautiful and they are active in their community. I would have liked to be in touch with them, as I'm in touch with several of my friends in the States, to one extent or another (rarely to the extent I'd like, but that's life as far-flung, busy grownups).

So now I'm just sad. Although I've known deep down for a long time that my friendship with Yaffa is over, I'm just now really confronting that idea and mourning. I realize now that for years after we graduated it was mostly me keeping things up. It was I who walked over to see them, I who travelled to see them, though to be fair every once in a long while she would call me out of the blue. Once I moved out of the country, it was totally over.

Intellectually I realize that maybe she just wanted to start a new life out west, or really is terrible at maintaining contact. But as someone who is intensely loyal to old friends, I have a hard time relating to that.

And that's just how it is. End of post. Closure . . . maybe.

2009-11-30T11:35:00.002+02:00

Interesting for What It's Worth

I was just looking at this chart, which shows the perceived level of corruption in different countries. The methodology for culling this data is described in a broad way, but I'm still not sure if it includes only the perceptions of those who live in the respective countries.

#1 for least perceived corruption is New Zealand. The United States comes in at #19, just ahead of Barabados and Belgium.

In any case, for what it's worth, I think it's interesting that the following countries are among the 148 on the list perceived as being MORE corrupt than Israel (which comes in at #32, tied with Spain):

Portugal
Italy
Greece
pretty much every other country in the Middle East
most of Asia
most of Africa
good chunks of South America

So for those of us disappointed and frustrated by the corruption in our government -- and there is definitely much room for improvement -- just be glad we don't live in India. Or Ghana. Or Botswana. Or Venezuela. Or Russia. Or China. Or Portugal. Or Hungary. Or Jordan. Etc, etc, etc.

2009-11-24T12:50:00.003+02:00

The Sarah and Liza Recuperative Center (a Cat Blog)

My friend A. had a cat for 18 years. After it died, she decided she wanted to be free to, say, leave for vacation without worrying about a pet, and she got new roommates who do NOT want any cats.

But a beautiful, neutered male cat showed up in her neighborhood, apparently a pet who had been abandoned. She started leaving food for him outside twice a day. When he got into a bad fight recently and his eye was injured, she took him to the vet, where the cat stayed for a week.

Finally the vet said it's time for cat (by now known as Blinky) to leave his office. But Blinky needed to be indoors for a week so that his eye could heal fully without interference from dirt, rain, or other cats.

Enter the Sarah and Liza Kitty Rehab.

Blinky came on Friday, and so far he's so quiet, sleepy, and still that you could almost forget he's around. He pretty much sleeps all day, sometimes on the couch and sometimes on a shelf in Liza's closet. He greatly enjoys being petted. That's pretty much it. An extremely low-maintenance cat!

Artemis, of course, was beside herself when Blinky first showed up. The first day or two, Blinky was petrified of Artemis who, though half his size, clearly belongs here and is a fiesty little thing used to getting her own way. Artemis is a terrible hostess.

But now, Blinky has come into his own and realizes that he is, after all, twice her size. So when Artemis comes too close to him, he hisses, she goes away, and Blinky goes back to sleep. The other day I saw her carefully tiptoeing in slow motion around him. My feeling is that it's about time someone put Artemis in her place. She needs to learn some humility and manners.

Meanwhile, Blinky is up for adoption. It's quite obvious that he's meant to be a housecat; he has zero interest in going outside. He's all white and very, very soft, and very, very chill. We don't know how old he is - the vet says at least 3 years old. A. got him his vaccinations, just in case, in addition to the eye treatment. If he doesn't find a home by this weekend, we'll be bringing him back to A's neighborhood and releasing him on the street (where A. will continue to give him food outside).

If you might want to adopt Blinky, contact me at chayyeisarah@yahoo.com.

2009-11-23T17:19:00.002+02:00

Value of a Life

Here's a novel approach to the ongoing Palestinian demands that Israel release hundreds of prisoners in exchange for Gilad Shalit:

Israelis should be rallying in SUPPORT of this deal, with signs that blare "Yes! One Israeli is worth hundreds of Palestinians!" and "Fair is Fair! One Palestinian for each cell in an Israeli body!" and "They Know It, Now We All Know It!"

That'll confuse 'em.

What happened to the idea of Arab honor? If I were Palestinian, I'd be appalled by the implications this deal makes about the value of a Palestinian life.

Glad I'm not. (Not just because of this.)

2009-11-19T22:28:00.005+02:00

New Post for the Top

I just couldn't stand to see that stupid poem at the top of my blog anymore!

Latest news:

1- The "world economic downturn" is hitting me hard, thusly:

a) two of my clients have closed completely in the last two years

b) another of my regular clients cut their freelancer budget, so I get fewer assignments

c) yet another of my regular clients lost a major advertiser and now pays about 75% of what it used to

d) the dollar has plummeted in relation to the shekel

e) many, many publications have closed or laid off their writers, which means there are now many, many more writers in the freelancing pool, competing for fewer slots

See, one of the great things about freelancing is that I'm never, technically, unemployed. I always have some project on my desk. But on the other hand, these days I'm not fully employed, either, and it's a problem.

I have been pitching, pitching, pitching, and last week I sent out about 20 resumes for various part-time and freelancing jobs. I hope something bears fruit soon.

2- I've been taking a Travel Writing class with Mediabistro.com. I signed up (and paid) for this before I realized how much I really can't afford it. It's interesting and useful, and will lead to more pitches in the future, but I'm not quite getting out of it what I hoped to get. There's still one week left, so I hope the instructor will answer the questions I've been bugging him to answer.

3- The health care issue in America is really moving, eh? I've been paying attention with about 75% of an ear. I love, love, love the highly socialized medical system in Israel, and have been happy to tell Americans why when they ask me (which many have), but other than that I don't consider it much of my business, except insofar as I care about Americans and America and want what is best for the country. Oh, and I care about my tax dollars, which, yes, I still pay to America every year like a good citizen (who is taking a chance on Social Security still being there in 30 years).

I do have opinions though, and now I will share one: the most important difference between the House version and the Senate version is that the House's version makes insurance companies accountable under anti-trust laws.

The price fixing and other financial shenanigans that currently go on are absolutely one of the worst aspects of American healthcare. It is horrible for hospitals, and horrible for patients. This aspect of the House bill is very important and I hope that it goes through into law.

Another nice thing would be if the bill mandated that insurance companies would have to pay the full amounts owed under their contracts, and that they must do so within a certain amount of time after a claim. Perhaps this is already included, but I'm not familiar enough with anti-trust laws to know that. I'm guessing not. I hope that over the next few years this is something that will be tweaked.

4- I've become addicted to House, MD. I've watched every episode, in order, in seasons 1-4. I'll rent season 5 as soon as it's available; apparently everyone in the German Colony wants to rent it. If anyone can recommend a way to download these thing a) legally and b) in Israel, please let me know. Please, no recommendations from America saying "try X or Y." I want recommendations from people who have done the downloading from an Israeli ISP.

5- I'm angry at Delta. You remember that when I returned from New York to Israel in September, I had a 12 hour delay? At the airport they gave out $100 vouchers. Later I complained by mail and they gave me a second $100 voucher. OK, $200, that's not so bad. But the fine print says I can use the vouchers only if I buy my tickets on Delta.com, where the prices are higher than at, say, Expedia. I've been researching tickets to see my parents for Passover, and here's what I found: For the same price, I can buy a Delta ticket or a flight on Swiss Air. Which would YOU pick? Duh! So, basically, the vouchers are useless and I'm not really getting any sort of compensation from Delta at all.

6- Been reading Land's End: A Walk in Provincetown, by Michael Cunningham, author of The Hours. Fantastic book. I bought it after an interesting conversation with my roommate, which went something like this:

Sarah: . . . and when I was little my parents took us a couple of times to Provincetown on the Harbor Cruise.

Liza: Your parents took you to Provincetown?

Sarah: Yeah.

Liza: Your parents?

Sarah: Yeah, what's so strange about it?

Liza: It's just that Provincetown in a gay nightclub scene. A party town.

Sarah: No, it's not. It's a family magnet with kitchy tourist shops and ice cream.

Liza: No . . . it's a gay party scene. I've been there with friends.

Sarah: I'm telling you, we walked around in the summer air and bought chachkas and ate ice cream, and there were plenty of other families with kids so it definitely wasn't just us.

Liza: Wait a second. You were there during the day?

And this is how we discovered that I, having been to Provincetown only during daylight hours, had seen a completely different town from Liza, who had been there only at night.

2009-10-26T10:39:00.002+02:00

Orthodox In-Joke

I was just poking around my old files, and came across a little poem I wrote years ago. Remember when Stella D'Oro tried to make their Swiss Fudge Cookies dairy? And sales plummeted, because who really buys Swiss Fudge Cookies except Orthodox Jews, who eat them on Friday nights and Shabbat afternoons? But who can only eat them if they are pareve (dairy-free), because (traditionally, anyway - I'm not talking about the vegetarians here) most people have meat at their Shabbat dinner? And who, in fact, ate them so much that the cookies became known for their resemblance to certain Hassidic hats?

Anyhow, the pareve status has since been reinstated, so this poem reflects a fleeting moment in history. Enjoy it.

Ode to Swiss Fudge Cookies

Upon their redesignation as “OU-DE”

Chocolatey, round, and lactose-free,

Stacked up high or spread on plate,

Oft on Shabbos you’d call to me.

Your chewy center was the bait.

Crumbly edges eaten first,

So the middle slow to savor;

Yet, alas, your fate is cursed

Despite your rich and sensuous flavor.

Stella D’Oro, ‘til now our friend

Comes between us, our affair to end.

From fleishik tables you must play hooky.

Farewell, my pareve shtreimel cookie.

2009-10-22T18:02:00.003+02:00

Becoming That Which I Said I Would Never Be

For years I wanted a pet. A dog. There were many reasons I wanted a dog and not a cat, chief among which was that I did not want to be a "single woman with a cat."

Then my roommate finally relented and said we could get a pet, but it had to be a cat. No dogs. I figured a cat is better than nothing. I could settle for a cat.

**

When we left Artemis alone for Yom Kippur, I hung toys and bells all over the salon so she wouldn't get bored.

**

When I turn off the light and get into bed for the night, Artemis jumps in and curls up in the crook of my arm. In the morning she lays down on my abdomen while I pet her and she purrs. Neither of us likes to wake up. It's nice to wake up with another live thing who is happy to be there, together.

**

Artemis has a new friend. Every day she goes up the block and hangs out with a street cat who lives in the garden next door. They touch noses and take naps next to each other.

**

Artemis was spayed last week, and though at first she was healing beautifully, she now has an infection. I have to give her antibiotic pills twice a day. She responds like the fourth cat in this video (starting at 2:05), except more violent.

**

Conversation recently held in my apartment:

Sarah: Artemis is looking at us like "I can't believe I tolerate these people."

Liza: It's so funny, the range of thoughts you ascribe to the cat.

Sarah: Well, look at her.

Liza: She'll be walking around with a look that says "Hi, I'm a cat." And you'll make up some complicated set of emotions for her.

Sarah: Well.

Liza: As far as I'm concerned, she has four emotions: happy, pissed, hungry, and tired.

Sarah: Don't forget bored. Also, there are two kinds of happy. There is "Yay, I'm playing with a toy" happy, and "Mmmm, I'm purring because someone is petting me happy."

Liza: Whatever.

**

A few nights ago, I wanted to go to sleep and realized that Artemis was still outside. I need her to be inside so that she won't wake me up later to let her in. It was about 1 am and soon I was walking up the block in my silk bathrobe and slippers, whispering "here, kitty kitty" to the night air, and I realized that not only am I a single woman with a cat, I am A CRAZY CAT LADY.

2009-10-08T14:16:00.002+02:00

The Secret of Hummus

A guest post by Sarah's sister, Rivka.

So my husband, Luiz, went to Israel on a business trip with a group of co-workers. One day, before lunchtime, one of the co-workers -- an Israeli man who works full-time in the company's Israeli office -- asks my husband if he and the rest of the group want to try a new place for lunch. "It's pretty far away," the co-worker says, "but it's worth it." My husband thinks, "sure, why not," and he and the rest of the group hop in the car.

On the way, this Israeli co-worker tells my husband the story about the place they're going to: It's run by a guy named Gingi. Years ago, Gingi was unhappy with his life. He decided that what he really wanted to do was make Hummus. So he traveled Israel for many years, working in different restaurants, trying to discover the secret of good Hummus. After he decided that he had found the secret to Hummus, he opened up a restaurant that sold nothing but Hummus, and things that went with Hummus (like pita, pickles, things like that).

The restaurant was very successful. But after a few years, Gingi became unhappy again. He was still not living the life he wanted. So he decided that if he can make good Hummus, people will come to him for the Hummus. The Hummus does not have to go to the people. So he found a kibbutz in the middle of nowhere that agreed that he could live on the kibbutz and open his "restaurant." They gave him a small building (more like a shed) to make his food, and everyday people came and ordered Hummus plates.

The thing is, the co-worker explained, Gingi only makes his Hummus until 1:30 pm precisely. At 1:30 on the dot, Gingi is out the door, and he leaves it for his helpers to serve any remaining Hummus and clean up.

At this point, my husband and his co-workers had arrived at Gingi's "restaurant." It was now a few minutes after one o'clock. They ordered their Hummus plates, and sat down to eat.

(Was it really good? I asked my husband at this point. It was Hummus, he replied. With pita. And beans.)

At 1:30, Gingi comes out of the kitchen.

"Gingi!" my husband's Israeli co-worker yells. "Come say hello! I want you to meet my friends from America!"

Gingi looks at his watch, walks past them, and heads to his little motor-bike parked outside.

"GINGI!" The co-worker yells again. "MY FRIENDS HAVE COME ALL THE WAY FROM CALIFORNIA TO MEET YOU!"

Gingi looks at his watch again, looks at the co-worker, and without saying a word, rides away.

The thing is, we have told this story to many people. The Americans always think the story is hysterical. The Israelis, on the other hand, find Gingi to be a very wise man, and don't understand why the story is so funny.

2009-10-08T10:50:00.002+02:00

The Red Bull Soapbox Derby

So, it seems that Red Bull sponsors soapbox derbies in capital cities around the world. Yesterday, for the first time, the event came to Jerusalem, and I was there with my friend Batya. In a city so often wracked with tension, it was a relief to attend an event whose raison d'etre was to inject some silliness (and promote Red Bull energy drinks).

It was cloudy but very hot in Sacher Park, where the smell of hot dogs wafted through the air and thousands of Israeli adults and children watched 50 teams push whimsically-decorated soapboxes on wheels off a ramp, while one or two riders waved to the crowds as they slid down the street at about 5-10 miles per hour.

Before taking off, each team gave a 30-second presentation explaining their "concept." Teams were judged on the basis of creativity, showmanship, and speed down the track.

I didn't stay long, because of the heat and lack of visibility to the track (though they were showing everything on jumbotron screens around the park). The first soapbox, a giant carrot, took over 4 minutes to make it to the finish line. You could see the driver's feet under the vehicle, pedaling it along Flinstones-style. After that, contestants went more quickly, though some of them repeatedly crashed into the hay bales on the sides. The entries I saw included a pirate ship coasting along while the Love Boat theme played and the driver threw money at the crowds; a collection of three falafels in pitas; and Noah's Ark with the animals (built by a team of co-workers at the Jerusalem Zoological Center). My favorite was Jonah in the Whale: Just before takeoff, the team ripped apart the whale exterior so that Jonah, in long beard, white robe, and turban, coasted down the track in a little rowboat.

Batya said this event reminds her of the community-wide sing-a-longs popular with Jerusalemites. "Israelis appreciate good clean fun," she said.

What I appreciated most was that the whimsy was imbued with a distinctly Jewish-Israeli flavor: the Jonah entry, Noah's Ark, falafel, the fact that the hot dogs I smelled were kosher.

All in all a great way to spend a Sukkot afternoon! Video of the event is here.

2009-10-04T14:57:00.002+02:00

Catching Up

So, I spent 3 weeks at the end of August and beginning of September in the States. It was a fantastic trip: 2 nights staying with my cousin Aaron and his wife, Alli, on the Upper East Side, celebrating my birthday together; a week at my sister's house in northern California, hangin' with her and my nephews (to whom I introduced the game Twister, which they loved. Unfortunately their dog, Mishmish, decided to French kiss me while I was playing and was bent over, and that was the end of me playing Twister. Ew!); several days with my parents in Cleveland -- my father took a day off from work and we went to Amish country together; and then back to New York for several days, where I stayed with my friend Lisa and did a LOT of shopping. For the first time, I was sad to be coming back to Israel, but I reminded myself that of COURSE I was having fun, fun, fun in New York: I was SHOPPING ALL THE TIME, for crying out loud. That is not real life in New York, it is vacation. Indeed when my plane landed in Tel Aviv I was glad to be home.

That may have had to do with the fact that my flight landed TWELVE HOURS LATE. Yup. Delta flight 86 from JFK to Tel Aviv was supposed to leave at 7:55 pm on a Wednesday night, but due to mechanical problems did not actually take off until after 10:30 the next day. Along with dozens of other passengers I was put up in a hotel and given food vouchers which were only semi-useful for people who keep kosher. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep, and then of course lost more sleep because of the flight. The whole thing was awful. You know what Delta gave each of us by way of apology? A $100 travel voucher. Gee, thanks Delta. I've faxed in a complaint asking for another $300 of vouchers but doubt that I'll ever see it -- or fly Delta again.

Artemis had spent the 3 weeks in Maale Adumim, at the home of Shpeetz. Remember Shpeetz, the cat I babysat last year? Anyway, Artemis had been terrorizing poor Shpeetz for three weeks. Shpeetz only came inside to eat and there was a real fear she might run away. I didn't raise Artemis to be so rude!

Now that I'm back, I've started studying at Pardes again. I bit the bullet and registered for a Talmud class which meets 4 mornings a week, even though I really don't have time for this. The class is at a high level and the teacher is marvelous, so I love going, but have no idea how I'm going to juggle this with my work. I guess I just will, because I have to. When I'm not learning Talmud I really miss it.

I spent Rosh Hashanah as I always do, at the home of my dear friends Ari and Sarah Beth. Ari led the services in synaoguge and did a beautiful job. It was as spiritually uplifting a holiday as possible, given how not-spiritually-uplifted I've been feeling lately.

I went back to the same community for Yom Kippur. It's not their fault, but it was the lowest Yom Kippur I've ever had. I did not feel connected to the day at all. I made it for Shacharit, decided to skip part of Mussaf, fell asleep for hours, and went back for Mincha. By the time Mincha was over I was sick of praying, sick of pretending that I was sorry for my sins, sick of being afraid that my fate for the whole next year is being sealed at this very moment and I'd better shape up, sick of standing, sick of being hungry, etc, and I went home and sort of vegged in my friends' backyard, enjoying the view and the quiet and just sticking things out until nightfall. :-(

I spent the first day of Sukkot at home. Friday night I had a bizarre experience. I went out to a meal where I hardly knew anyone -- and was delighted to discover several other singles my age who were really nice and normal -- except for one woman who said really crazy and abusive things to me every time we were alone (such as in the kitchen, when I went in to help). I tried to make friendly conversation, but out of nowhere, she called me "buttinsky" and said "don't ever speak to me again, and don't think I don't know what you are trying to do." She clearly was, as I like to say, "off her meds." I tried not to take it personally, but I was shaken. As the meal went on, she started making public complaints about me at the table, about how awful I am. She seemed to have some paranoia around the fact that I'm a journalist, fearing that I was trying to find things out about her and invade her privacy. It got really creepy, and at one point when she left the table --leaning down to whisper "having a good time, Sarah?" in my ear -- I just burst into tears. It was so embarrassing. Meanwhile the host had left to "lay some church on her," and the other guests tried to comfort me, saying she always gets like this when she drinks too much (turns out she'd been doing whiskey shots in the kitchen all night), and that each of them had at one point or another been a victim of her verbal abuse. I'm guessing the host feels sorry for her or feels some sort of responsibility to make sure she's not alone on holidays or something, and that's why he keeps inviting her. But seriously, this woman needs an intervention. It was horrible!

Workwise, I'm doing OK. I've got a new-old client (I worked for them a few years ago, covering for a writer on maternity leave, and now they've got a new project and hired me to do it) for whom I'm writing a children's magazine which will be distributed in Jewish day schools in the States. I'm also writing an article for the Jewish Week and am taking a Travel Writing course online, with mediabistro. So I'm keeping busy, but would really love some lucrative long-term projects right now. (Wouldn't we all?)

Please pray for the health of Nechah Davina bat Chava, an acquaintance of mine in the States who is single and was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She went into the hospital on Friday for a double mastectomy. This news has hit me hard.

In other news, my friend Leah asked me to babysit her kitten, Shachar, so for a few days we've got two cats in the house. Wouldn't you know that little Shachar, who is half the size of Artmis, is terrible to her? She hisses and growls. Otherwise she's a sweety. When Artemis is out, Shachar is cuteness itself. Shachar is actually up for adoption (her owner's son is allergic to cats), so if you know anyone who would like a 3-month-old kitten who was rescued from the street at the age of 1 month, and is extremely cute (when not with other cats), let me know. FYI Shachar has been living with 2 dogs and is fine with them.

Also, I got a call from the woman who owns Artemis' mother, telling me that Artemis' brother is also up for adoption, because the neighbors are complaining about how many cats they have. Artemis' brother is 5 1/2 months old and is friendly, sleek, and pretty. I almost adopted him myself before I chose Artemis. I can provide contact information for that, too.

You know that couch I bought, before I left for the States? Boy has it been in use. My roommate has had so many friends sleeping over lately, it's been like Grand Central Station around her. I'm happy to be hospitable, but eventually told her that I'm starting to miss my privacy, so we agreed not to have company for a while.

Among other guests was Liz. Remember Liz, our not-Jewish friend who speaks fluent Hebrew and Arabic and has friends on both sides of the "divide"? Well, she had to leave the country on short notice. She'd been working in the Palestinian territories at an institute for higher education, but because Israel controls visas into and out of the West Bank, and doesn't seem to care whether Palestinians have professional people working at their institutes for higher education (which seems silly to me, since wouldn't it be better for Israel if more Palestinians were studying to do useful things?) she couldn't get a work visa. She had a tourist visa, and was leaving the country every three months and then coming back in to get it renewed (many non-Jews who want to live or work in Israel or the PA do this. It's illegal but very common. They just go to Jordan or Cypress or Egypt every three months and then come back.) Well, the last time she re-entered from Jordan, border patrol caught her and told her that she can't renew her visa again, and she has 3 weeks to leave the country. So last night Liza escorted Liz to the airport, and she's gone back to New York to live with her parents until she figures out her next step. (If anyone out there can offer Liz a job that would make use of her language skills and Master's in Middle Eastern Studies, please contact me.)

I think that pretty much catches us up. Have a happy Sukkot.

2009-09-13T20:11:00.002+03:00

Hello and I'm in a Book!

I know, I know, it's been too long.

I will later blog about my trip and all that has happened in the last month.

But first, LOOK! I'm in Fodor's: Israel 7th Edition! It was released just last month!

(Click on the picture or here to buy the book from Amazon. )

I've heard that the previous edition mucked up on a few levels, but this one looks strong to me. I can't vouch for everything in it, obviously, but I know the editors worked hard to make it fair vis-a-vis "the conflict" and to organize it well. I had input only on certain sections but tried to make my influence count!

For those of you curious to know which parts were written by moi, my sections are thusly:

Page 10: the section on "Israel and Her Neighbors"

Pages 24 and 25: I wrote a few paragraphs and sentences interspersed throughout. They seem to have taken a piece that I wrote and merged it with a piece by someone else.

Page 26: the section on "Judaism in Israel" (part of a much longer piece I wrote about Israeli demographics; they cut most of it due to space issues, it appears, or re-attached pieces of it to pages 24-25.)

Pages 180-184: the entire feature on Masada (whoohoo)

Pages 195 - 198: this entire section about the Dead Sea (whoohoo)

Buy the book so that they will see there is an interest and will make a new edition soon and hire me again. Also feel free to write to Fodor's telling them how much you loved any or all of the above pieces by me.

2009-08-07T17:08:00.010+03:00

The Many Faces of Artemis
(Warning: This post is probably interesting only to those who like cats)

Artemis: Kitty's official name, and how we usually refer to her. She is now 3 1/2 months old. She's gotten all her vaccines and is now allowed to roam outside our front door, though as yet we don't think she's actually gone outside. She has her first collar, but it's set at the tiniest circumference. Soon she will graduate from "baby cat" food to "kitten" food. She is quite fond of sleeping on my bed. Also having her tummy rubbed. Also suddenly running from one room to another as if something extremely urgent is happening; we have no idea what. Also hiding in cabinets.

(Here's she's trying to catch the little piece of paper sticking out of the top of my copy of Spice and Spirit.)

Bitemis: What she is called when she decides that chewing on a human hand, wrist, toe or ankle is a good idea. We push her away but apparently this is normal kitten behavior. Vet says she'll grow out of it. Lord I hope so. It hurts!

Squeeky: What we call her when she squeeks. She's obviously trying to tell us something but it just comes out as a high-pitched "eh, eh, eh." However she has another sound, a sort of rolling in the back of her throat (not purring, more of a gutteral squawk) which means she's verrrry happy. She makes this sound sometimes when we pick her up and pet her.

Someone: As in "someone dragged a roll of paper towels onto the porch and tore it apart" and "someone pushed my earrings off my desk onto the floor" and "someone found my winter hat and has deposited it under the couch."

Kitty: As in "here, Kitty Kitty," which we say when we want her to come to us. We've trained her to do it and so far it works 100% of the time, which is great when we can't find her.

Little Girl, Baby: Term of endearment used by both Liza and me.

Cutie, shnookie, sweetie-pie, cookie: Terms of endearment used by me, never by Liza.

2009-08-06T17:26:00.003+03:00

A Place to Park

My first two apartments after college had sofas. The first belonged to my then-roommate, and the second belonged to the landlord. I sat on those sofas all the time, never appreciating the glory of having a comfortable place to rest that was not my bed.

In my third apartment, in Manhattan, there was no room for a couch.

In the fourth, there was theoretically space, but it never came together. I had two roommates and pretty soon they were both engaged, and the sofa never happened.

In the fifth, there was no room.

In the sixth, the person who owned the apartment had a couch, but it was covered in 50's-style plastic sheeting and not comfortable AT ALL.

Then I made aliyah, to a studio, where there was no room for a couch.

And now here I am, in my eighth apartment after college, with a roommate who's been insisting she does not want one, for various reasons: we couldn't agree on a color palette (she likes earth tones, I like bright colors), I like plush sofas and she's a minimalist, she doesn't want me falling asleep in the living room all the time (which would certainly happen, natch), she thinks the salon is too small for a couch and our table-for-6-to-8 (I disagree). Even if I paid for the whole thing, she still didn't want it.

This was upsetting because, to me, the couch had become a symbol of adulthood. As long as I did not have a sofa in the living area, I was still living in a pseudo-dorm.

It is for that very reason that many Orthodox single people put off buying a couch, or other nice things. They do not want to admit that they are settling down somewhere without a spouse.

I'm 36 and that ship has sailed. If I wait for a husband before I buy a couch, I might be sitting on hard chairs for the rest of my life. I deserve better.

Still, time passed and I didn't buy a couch, because couches cost a lot of money (especially plush ones, which are not really available in Israel) and I had other things on my mind, and there was my roommate to consider.

The other day I was browsing around Janglo, an online bulletin board for English-speakers in Jerusalem, and came across an ad for a used sofa-bed at a great price, in a color my roommate likes and that I don't mind. I knew this was as good a deal as I'd ever find. I showed her the picture, and, inexplicably, she told me to go for it.

I still do not understand what happened there. Had I worn down her resistance? Catch her in a generous moment? Does she love maroon that much?

No matter. I went over to see it, determined it's in good-enough condition, hired a mover (which cost almost as much as the sofa), and now here we are (sorry about the glare. Sunlight!):

A place for me to sit! A place for guests to sit! And sleep!

Adulthood, at last.

2009-07-09T11:56:00.002+03:00

6 years

Today is the 6th anniversary of my aliyah, my immigration to Israel. I'm really happy that I came. And so today, to celebrate, I'm taking a page from the book of Treppenwitz and presenting ways I've become more Israeli:

- When someone cuts me in line, I speak up and say something

- I cut other people in the "line" at bus stations, even if I know they were there before I was. All's fair in love and bus seats.

- I can tell the difference between an Israeli who is being accusatory or confrontational and an Israeli who is being merely conversational. This took 6 years to master.

- I understand why Israelis all go on vacations abroad during the last 2-3 weeks of August.

- I understand (but do not yet feel) the allure of having red and green peppers at breakfast.

- Deli + Hummus = Yum!

- I have uttered the words "Yashar, Yashar, Yamina"

- The intermission at movies doesn't bother me any more.

- Wherever I am, I shut up when the news comes on the radio, on the hour.

- I'm even more upset that Haredim (often/generally) don't serve in the army or join professions.

- I can instantly tell whether a young man is a Jew or an Arab by his hairstyle and the way he wears his jeans (in Jerusalem and its environs, anyway - don't know about the rest of the country).

- Hafuch gadol dal, daily.

To my readers who are fasting today: have an easy fast.

2009-07-07T09:09:00.003+03:00

Stuff Going On

So, first of all, I want you all to know that I actually have political opinions, but I'm too lazy to write about them. I'd rather you know that I'm lazy than suspect that all I ever think about is the new cat.

Second, said cat is delightful, most of the time. Most of the time, she is either playing with her toys or chasing her tail (highly entertaining to watch), or sleeping peacefully, sometimes in my arms (so sweet). Every so often she sits on my shoulder and then leans over to lick my face (::melt::). However sometimes she tries to play with the laces of my sneakers while I try to put them on, or she tries to jump into my lap and doesn't quite make it, and I end up with claw marks, scratches, even two loooong gashes on my shins and thighs. Ow! So now she gets gently pushed away when she tries that.

In bad news, a few days ago my roommate got all congested and has itchy eyes. We are worried that she might be allergic to the cat, which would be devastating for all involved. It would be odd since she lived with a cat for months a few years ago, and we babysat Shpeetz for a few weeks just this past Pesach. She's going to see an allergist. Meanwhile, we're hoping it's just a badly-timed cold.

I'm still busy doing all the errands that I didn't do when I was teaching. I have A LOT of errands.

Also yesterday I went to the upsherin (first haircut, at the age of three), of the youngest child of my friend Beth, author of the now-defunct blog House of Joy. It was held at the kotel, and little Pinchas Daniel was extremely patient while friends and family members each cut a little snip of hair, and then while his father evened it out. Good time was had by all.

Nothing exciting to report, except my political opinions, which are VERY exciting -- exactly the reason I'm not in the mood to write them out. Blah.

2009-06-28T14:12:00.008+03:00

Artemis Pictures

Photos from Artemis' first weekend with us:

Cat with Agatha Christie book, so you can see her size compared to Siggy's. (Siggy was pretty much exactly the size of the book.)

Artemis hanging out on roommate's arm:

Artemis hiding between my bins of "purim stuff" and "gift wrapping" and "papers to file someday" aka "the contained mess":

Artemis doing what she does best, hunting normally inanimate objects around the apartment, in this case a crumpled piece of paper we made into her toy (full video at my Facebook page):

Resting after a busy morning of chasing toys and humans:

2009-06-26T17:09:00.002+03:00

Introducing Artemis!

Last night I went to the home of a family in Kiryat Moshe whose cat, Vanilla, had had a litter of kittens. The kittens were now 9 weeks old, recently weaned, and looking for homes. They'd been raised mostly indoors but allowed to wander outside when they wanted.

The litter had four kittens in total, but when I got there two were absent: the one female, Spotty -- who had gone AWOL about an hour earlier -- and a male named Blondie who the family were planning to keep, and who was roaming around outside. Since I preferred a male cat (after having been told they are easier to care for and more affectionate), it didn't matter to me about Spotty or Blondie. I focused my attention on the two male kittens who were sleeping on the couch.

I had brought a toy with me, and one of the kittens, named Blackie after his beautiful black and white stripes (you can see this family is quite literal in their pet naming) woke up and had the time of his life with this toy. He scampered all over the apartment, playing with the little stuffed mouse. It was quite entertaining.

Meanwhile his brother, Angel, would not wake up. He simply refused to be bothered. I could totally get that, but it was no way for me to evaluate his personality or energy levels. So I said I'd take Blackie.

In the few minutes after I chose Blackie, a few things happened:

1- Spotty was found in a cabinet and turned out to be nowhere near as pretty as Blackie. A weird mixture of stripes and spots, and something clearly wrong with one of her eyes.
2- Blondie came in from outside.
3- Spotty and Blondie were quite curious about the toy, and tried to get a view.
4- Blackie became extremely possessive of his toy and would hiss at the other cats when they tried to approach him.
5- Spotty licked my fingers so sweetly. Awwwww!
6- The owner was talking about what a nice personality Spotty has.
7- When I went to pick up Blackie to put him in the kitty carrier, he hissed at me and tried to scratch.

I decided that Blackie can stay with this family, and keep the toy, because he's a lost cause! And so Spotty came home with me.

I have renamed her Artemis, after the Greek goddess of the hunt. The name was Liza's idea, and suits this cat nicely.

She is twice as old as Siggy was, and twice as large. When I brought her home, Liza said "she's huge!" Our guest, Liz, who never met Siggy, said "She's tiny!"

She's also so much more energetic that only now do we realize how sick Siggy must have been from the day he arrived. Siggy would just walk around the apartment, begging to be held. The most energetic thing he ever did was climb up the bedskirt in Liza's room to her bed.

Artemis, meanwhile, chases her balls of aluminum foil, she chases the bottle cap she found, she chases her string, she does pushups on the dining-room chairs (because she just can't quite hoist herself up enough to the seat), and she eats without being prodded. She also is fond of naps in air-conditioned rooms, preferably curled up next to a human. And she likes being held for a minute or two and petted, but after a little time she decides she has other things to do. In other words, she's a normal cat - and quite a delightful one at that.

The vet came over today and pronounced that Artemis has worms (normal for a cat who'd been outside a lot) and an infection in her left eye (which explains why her eye looked yucky and she has guck around her nose), but all that can be healed.

What I like to say about Artemis is that she's no beauty queen, but she has a great personality. :-)

Pictures and video to be posted next week.

2009-06-24T16:48:00.002+03:00

New Stuff

1- First of all, I love this video:

2- Still no kitty. Siggy's sibling has been AWOL for days now, so I've given up on adopting him/her. There is a woman in Kiryat Moshe whose cat had kittens 9 weeks ago, so I might adopt one of those. Luckily for me, Liza has decided that we're committed to taking in a cat, whether it's a street rescue or not.

3- I joined Twitter! Um, I guess I can't post my username here because I'm still playing the little game of not putting my whole, real name on this blog, even though I know that most of my readers know who I am anyhow. But if you go to Twitter and type in my name, you can find me. I'm the only one with my name in Jerusalem.

4- On Hillel Street, two doors up from Cafe Hillel (#6 I think), I found an English Tea House (a new one!) which has a full one-page NEW ENGLAND MENU. They serve corn chowder! Fish chowder! With cod! Apple Brown Betty! I could die. I actually had tears in my eyes when I saw it. Definitely plan to go back. Who here from New England wants to come? I want to make it a New England party.

5- I'm so looking for new work. Income would be good.

6- However, since I'm currently light on assignments, I've gotten a helluva lot done recently. My desk is organized, I had two doctor's appointments, I hung up pictures in my apartment that have been waiting over a year to be hung up, I finally checked out the Emek Refaim Street swimming pool (which I had never seen, even though I've lived a 10-minute walk from it for over 6 years) -- oh, God, that was amazing! I love water! -- I'm taking this Mediabistro course I mentioned in a previous post, etc. 'Tis all good.

7- It is so hot here. Melting!

8- Speaking of melting, I'm reading Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything, and I'm up to the chapter on volcanoes. Bryson is hysterical. Quote of the day: "Volcanologists may or may not be the worst scientists in the world at making predictions, but they are without question the worst in the world at realizing how bad their predictions are." This is no ordinary science book.

2009-06-18T22:25:00.002+03:00

Quick Update

1- The beginning of this week was very hard, what with Siggy dying. But as the days passed I (mostly) got over it. At this point, more time has passed since he died than the amount of time he was with us here. I'm 99% better.

2- On Sunday, I'm scheduled to adopt Siggy's sibling, a stripey cat whose sex is not known to us. Right now, Sibling is living on the street, but is being fed by Liza's friend Yuval and his girlfriend, Ira. Yuval and Ira have been terrific, feeding Sibling formula after the kittens were abandoned by their mother, and now solid food. But Sibling hasn't seen a vet and isn't being socialized to be a true indoor/outdoor pet. So we decided to bring him here ASAP, so he can be checked out by Dr. Doni (our new vet) and taught to be our cat. I just really, really hope he is a sturdy creature and won't die on us like his brother did. At least this time I'm prepared for the possibility.

3- Another reason the week got better: I finished a work project which had been hanging over me for a long, long time. Now that it's done, I actually have almost no work to do. Obviously that's not good, but, you know what? It's good. I need some time to do all the things I couldn't do when I was teaching and writing like a maniac. And indeed I've gotten many important things taken care of in the last couple of days.

4- I've started taking an online course with Mediabistro on Health and Medical Writing. A bit of professional tuning-up, getting past the plateau, jump-start, etc. It just started yesterday and will continue for eight weeks. If I like it I plan to take the Travel Writing Boot Camp course.

Cheers.

2009-06-17T14:09:00.002+03:00

To My Readers in Florida

A person who is very dear to me, Eric Draper, is running for Florida Commissioner of Agriculture. He is currently the Deputy Director of the Florida office of the National Audubon Society, and has been active with Preservation 2000, Florida Forever, the Council of Sustainable Florida, the Florida Soil and Water Conservation Council, and the Democratic Party.

Eric is an expert in environmental and agricultural issues, and is a highly intelligent, humble, respected man who sincerely wants to serve the people. He is extremely talented at building consensus and helping others to work together.

If you live in Florida, please go to Eric Draper's website to learn more about him and/or support his campaign for Commissioner of Agriculture.

2009-06-13T20:27:00.003+03:00

RIP Siggy

Last night he seemed to be doing so much better. He took bites of his new food a few times walked around the apartment a little. We thought he'd turned the corner.

This morning at 3 am Liza found Sigmund lying several meters from his little shoe-box bed, drenched (with sweat? Didn't smell like anything else in particular . . . ), and making an eerie noise. She immediately woke me up and told me he's dying. When she put him in my arms he was completely limp.

For two hours I sat in the salon holding Siggy, petting him and rocking him and willing him to die quickly, and crying. It was terrible. Every so often his head would move a little and he'd open his mouth and make a noise that sounded a little like a scream, like he was crying far away. He sounded like a ghost cat.

At around 4:30 his eyes got glassy and his nose started turning blue. I could tell he wasn't aware of anything any more, even though he was breathing a little and his heart was beating pretty quickly. At 5 I tucked him into his bed, took a shower, and went to sleep.

At 7:30 he was still alive. I petted him a little so that maybe he'd know I was there, and I read him the last few paragraphs of Watership Down, through my tears. He licked his lips a little.

By 9:30 he was gone. Maybe now he's in a place where he has the energy to play with his toys, and everything is made of salmon and warm spots.

:'-(

Goodbye, Siggy. I'm glad we could make your last days a little more comfortable.

Liza and I have decided that we might take in Siggy's sibling, but only 3 weeks from now, since then the kitten will be 2 months old already -- and therefore more likely to live long-term, says the vet. We don't want to go through this again right now, watching a sweet little kitten take hours to die.

:'-(

2009-06-12T14:40:00.005+03:00

Sigmund is Sick

Siggy didn't eat for 24 hours so I took him to the vet again this morning. Diagnosis: infection in the GI tract. Prognosis: Not good. Siggy is very little and very sick. Not a promising combination.

His energy level has dwindled over the last day or two, and now he is sleeping almost all the time. The only positive indication we've had lately is that we did manage to get him to eat something at the vet's, and he had a few small bites just now.

The vet gave him an infusion against dehydration, and said that it's not uncommon for young street cats to simply be too fragile to withstand being abandoned by their mother; only when they've lived for 2 months can you be reasonably sure that this is a sturdy cat. He said to keep giving him small amounts to eat (of his special new sick-kitty food, mixed with a teeny bit of water) every few hours, and hope for the best. If he makes it for another few days, it will be a good sign.

:'-(

Reader RivkA M. asked for a photo of Siggy with a reference object. Here he is with my paperback copy of the Hercule Poirot mystery Cat Among the Pigeons.

2009-06-10T22:30:00.007+03:00

1,001st post!

Siggy got sick today. Apparently he hadn't been eating much because he wasn't quite ready for solid food. Tomorrow he goes back to formula. Meanwhile he's drinking lots of water from the bottle, which is so cute.

A few pics from today:

Siggy nodding off next to fridge.

Yes, he is this small.

Liza's friend Naomi giving Siggy some TLC. Siggy loves it. Good thing, because Naomi will be babysitting Siggy when I go to the States at the end of August.

Siggy eating up the attention. You can see that he's got some skin problems and is quite scraggly, a result of being a street cat. When he starts eating regularly he'll get some medicine for that in his food.

2009-06-09T21:32:00.002+03:00

This post may be filled with typos

because I'm trying to write it while a kitten sleeps peacefully in the crook of my left elbow.

I have named him Sigmund. A nice, distinguished, slightly ironic name, which can be shortened to Siggy at appropriate moments of utter cuteness.

Sigmund seems to have two needs in life: sleep, and proximity to a warm human. If he is not sleeping, he's begging to be picked up. much like a human baby, actually. However, unlike a human baby, Sigmund does not seem to need food. In the last 24 hours he's eaten about 5 tiny bites of cat food and a few sips of egg yolk. This concerns me because his medicine is in the tuna and therefore he's not getting the proper dosage. He's also not drinking. My local cat gurus are telling me not to worry about it, that he'll eat when he's hungry.

Meanwhile, am I a Jewish mother or what? Putting food in front of his face and begging "please eat, please eat"?

Sigmund also has a habit of climbing up onto my shoulder, therefrom to better view the world at large while I walk around. Very cute, but I'm working on breaking him of the habit so that I won't have a huge, heavy cat later who thinks my shoulder is a nice perch.

Also, Siggy hates being washed with a damp cloth, but he'll have to deal because he's a rescue kitten and really filthy. With every wash we remove another layer of grime. (also it doesn't help that he gets himself covered with tuna and egg yolk. Not so dexterous yet, that Sigmund)

OK, gotta go. But if you want something fun to surf, click here for the new blog of my friend Miriam. She's hilarious.

2009-06-08T07:14:00.003+03:00

Cat!

On Friday, Liza got an IM from her friend Yuval: "Are you lonely?"

Liza responded "Um, what?"

Yuval: "Because if you are, maybe you want to adopt one of the abandoned kittens I rescued."

Apparently, something about the kittens' story tugged at Liza's heartstrings -- probably Yuval's description of them as fitting in the palm of his hand -- because out of the blue she -- she, who has repeatedly rebuffed my suggestions that we get a pet -- asked if I want to adopt a kitten.

So, now I have a kitten. It is *my* kitten, but Liza's enjoys the benefits of his yummy little ways. Last night, his first with us, he fell asleep in my hand.

I have small hands!

The plan was to name him Yuval, after his savior, but Yuval the Human wasn't keen on that so now I'm not sure. I'm also not sure that he is a "he." We're going to the vet today, so perhaps that will become more clear. :-)

There are more pictures and video at my Facebook page, which I made available to "friends of friends." (If you are not a friend or a a friend of a friend, sorry.)

2009-05-21T17:18:00.002+03:00

I love my students but ...

There are only 3 things worse than grading papers for a living:

1- Forced labor in, say, Siberia

2- Working with toxic waste

3- Not having work at all.

That's all I have to say.

2009-05-15T12:39:00.002+03:00

Friday Update

1- My nephew's surgery went fine. He is hearing and sleeping better already and is pretty much back to his usual self.

2- Grading papers is a b*tch.

3- I'm in one of those situations, familiar to freelancers, wherein I have several clients who each owe me a LOT of money, but none of it has come in yet, so as far as the bank and credit card companies are concerned, I'm destitute. I'm expecting, literally, many many thousands of shekels to come in during the next few weeks, but meanwhile I literally do not have bus money in my wallet. Crud.

4- The weather here in Jerusalem has been GORGEOUS lately. Wish you were here!

5- My roommate made chocolate-almond macaroons, held together by chocolate ganache, from scratch last night. I love my roommate!

Nothing else to report. May all those of you who celebrate Shabbat have a shalom one. :-)

2009-05-07T14:10:00.000+03:00

No

I have not dropped off the face of the earth.

Plenty to say, no time to say it.

Quick update: My teaching responsibilities have run away from me. Teaching five classes, with all the lesson planning and grading involved, is more than I can keep up with while also staying on top of my journalism work. Next year I'll have to give up something; I can't teach in two programs AND write for a living. Live and learn.

Yom Haatzmaut (Israeli Independence Day) was nice, low-key. I went to a traditional barbecue at the home of my friends C and M; R, G, and E were there also. 'Twas fun to be with friends.

This past week has been an emotional low point. :-( No other details forthcoming on a public blog.

Wish a refuah shelaimah (complete recovery) to my little nephew David, 3, who is having his adenoids removed next week! Poor little guy!

2009-04-20T17:21:00.002+03:00

May Their Memories Be Blessed

Tonight begins Holocaust Memorial Day here in Israel. I'd like to take a moment to remember those members of my family who were murdered in the Holocaust. I wish for my sake that I'd had a chance to meet them or their descendents (my distant cousins)... and for the sake of my grandparents that they hadn't died so young, all at the same time... and for the sake of my mother that such a trauma had never entered into her parents' lives.

Details are sketchy because my grandparents rarely spoke about their dead family members.

My great-grandfather, Rabbi Yitzchak Natan Pomeranzblum - an Ostrovyetzer chassid, my great-grandfather was born in Staszow, Poland and lived in Opatow, Poland before being murdered in 1942 at age 67. He may have been taken with his children to Treblinka, but there is also a family story that he was shot in his home.

His second wife (my grandmother's stepmother), Devorah nee Ivenski, and their twins. It is unclear to me whether the twins were my grandmother's half-siblings or stepsiblings.

My great-aunt Manya Kreinders, her husband and their three children. They died of starvation in the Lodz ghetto.

My great-uncle Salme Pomeranzblum. I don't know if he was married or had children. Killed in Treblinka.

My great-aunt Shprintze Pomeranzblum. I don't know if she was married or had children. Killed in Treblinka.

My great-aunt Vivcha Pomeranzblum. I don't know if she was married or had children. Killed in Treblinka.

My great-uncle Mottel Pomeranzblum. I don't know if he was married or had children. Killed in Treblinka.

The first wife of my great-uncle Simcha and their two children. I don't know their names, but come to think of it I can ask my mother's cousin; maybe he knows.

On another side of the family...

My great-grandmother Esther Spiegel, aka Anna/Netti.

The first wife of my grandfather, Helen Steiner (nee Kittner) and their young son, Heinrich, my half-uncle.

Also various family members who, as far as I know, were killed in the Holocaust but I'm not sure; they may have died some other way before the war. Come to think of it I should check with my mother:

My great-great uncle, Shalom Pomeranzblum.
My great-great aunt, Esther Malka Teuter and her husband, Avraham Michael Teuter.
My grandmother's cousin, Chaim Pomerazblum, and his son.
My great-great uncle Avraham Sosnowicz.

2009-04-07T20:30:00.003+03:00

8:30 pm

This is today's to-do list as it currently stands on our fridge:

We're in for the home stretch. Liza is finishing up a few things, then we are going out for dinner, then we come home and mop floors, take care of a few last-minute (easy) items, and then bedikah!

And then, sleep!

(A few explanations:

1- The magnet at the top is one of a series I have with insults from Shakespearean plays. I got the magnet set in London, at the Globe Theater.

2- "Hermione's Purse" is a corner cabinet under our kitchen counter which is extremely deep. To get to the back, one must crawl into the cabinet so that one's entire torso is inside. It holds a lot of food ... but once food goes in, it's exceptionally difficult to find it again.

3- The stove IS kashered now; I just haven't marked it as "Done" yet.

4- "Final porch organizing" refers to the last-minute process of taking all the chametz and kitniyot we have stored on the porch and making sure they are stored in a way that they can't get wet or bug-ridden. The porch has already been thoroughly cleaned.

5- This whole process of cleaning for Pesach has been SO much nicer with a roommate to share the work! I feel more under control than I have in a long time.)

2009-04-07T13:24:00.003+03:00

Last-Minute PSA

I forgot to post this earlier! I hope it helps at this late hour...

The days before Passover always bring a rise, in Jewish areas, in the number of people who go to the Emergency Room with burns -- especially children. People have their ovens and burners on to "kasher," are spilling boiling water over counters and sinks, boiling dishes, cooking up a storm, burning chametz, etc. -- and then there is also the danger from the candles used for "bedikah" and, when families join together for the holiday, from all the candles lit on tables the first
two nights.

This is a gentle reminder to BE CAREFUL!

- Keep small children out of the kitchen during the kashering process and while you are cooking.

- Doctors also recommend putting tape on the floor around the oven and telling children they may not cross the tape.

- Adults, too, should be very careful when handling pots and pots of boiling water.

- Be careful not to leave toxic cleansers out where kids can get at them, and not to create toxic chemical brews (never mix bleach with ammonia!!!)

- Watch children carefully during the burning of the chametz, and burn chametz in controlled environment so that sparks cannot set fire to nearby bushes, grass, etc.

- If small children are in the house, do not light candles on a tablecloth that can be pulled from the floor.

- Do not light candles near curtains

- Speak with a rabbi about using a flashlight for certain parts of bedikat chametz, such as under beds and in closets.

- If you are hosting guests for the holiday, make sure everyone staying in your home knows where ALL the exits are from the house.

May everyone have a kosher, joyous, and safe holiday!

2009-04-04T22:47:00.006+03:00

Shpeetz Settling In

Cat enjoying the sun

Cat playing with ball of twine

Cat on my bed

Cat on my roommate, with movement

Quote of the day, by Liza:
She looks so cute when she's sleeping. Who would know she's a raving lunatic?

2009-04-01T12:01:00.003+03:00

Shpeetz!

My roommate's friend is away for 3 weeks, and we are foster-parenting her cat, Shpeetz!

A "shpeetz" is a sharp corner, as of a pointy star. When Shpeetz was first adopted, she was very skinny and angular - thus her name. Today she is well-fed, sleek and very pretty (mostly black fur with some white) and she wears a spiffy red collar with a little bell on it. The bell does not work; it's just a fashion statement.

So far Shpeetz has shown a penchant for sitting on the bars outside our windows and looking out at the world; playing/fighting with Liza's sock and with a q-tip she found; pawing at the washing machine while it's spinning; and meowing when she thinks she's alone. Sometimes I take out a ball of twine and we play with it. Oh, she also likes to attack the shower curtain and then sit in the bathtub, stunned, when the curtain wins. (She's not the brightest of cats.)

Yay! Shpeetz!

2009-03-31T23:30:00.002+03:00

Time Warp

I just met a real, live Karaite. He was sitting at the table next to mine at Tal's and we got to talking.

The animosity between Karaite and what they call "Rabbinite" Jews (which would be me) goes back thousands of years. I wouldn't call it a rivalry because basically the Rabbinites won that one a long time ago. Today, there are only 30,000 Karaites in the entire world. I already knew that they exist, but I've never met one in person.

So, part of me was thinking/feeling "oh, my God, I'm talking to a real, live, heretic! Should I be talking to him? Is this OK? This is so weird! It's so . . . Talmudic era . . . what century am I in?"

And the other part of me was thinking "wow! I'm talking to a real, live heretic! That's so cool. I wonder what they do at their Seders?" (Yes, I asked.)

We talked about how he became Karaite (he "converted" from secular Judaism), why he moved to Israel, who he dates, why he thinks that mainstream Jews are the true heretics (especially Reform - apparently the Karaite and Orthodox ideologies agree on something), and what cafes on Emek Refaim Street have the best internet connections.

Nice guy ( ... for a heretic?).

Such a weird feeling!

He said that usually he can't talk about his beliefs because it freaks people out. Seemed to be grateful that I didn't try to burn him at the stake.

First of all, stake-burning isn't so practical in the middle of Emek. :-)

Also, I'm not threatened. I know what I believe, and I know what I don't believe, and I know what I'm confused about, and I already know I'll be confused about many more things during my time on this earth. Thank God (and my parents, and teachers) I'm pretty educated about Talmud (for a woman, anyway), and nothing he said shook my religious foundations any more than the Talmud itself does. The Sages themselves had some pretty hefty ambivalence about their roles vis-a-vis the future of Judaism; that's not a secret. Confusion is cool. Guilt and confusion are part of the Jewish condition.

So, no Karaite can make me question things that I wasn't already questioning myself, or shake my love for things that have meaning for me.

It was just really interesting, and really weird!

2009-03-30T22:24:00.002+03:00

New Book about Passover (in Hebrew)

A relative of mine, Shimon Corsia, has recently published a book (in Hebrew) about Pesach (Passover). He previously published Orot Hachag - Sukkot, and this one is Orot Hachag - Pesach.

It's a nifty little book that essentially brings together a lot of classical Rabbinic literature about the meaning of the holiday: Why were the Jews brought out of Israel? What is the nature of freedom? Why can't we eat hametz on Pesach? Why did the Jews merit having the sea split for them?

It's about 100 pages but has lots of material that would make for great divrei Torah at the Seder and beyond - and the price is extremely reasonable.

If you want to buy a copy, here's information about how to do it.

If you live in Israel: send a check for 25 nis (if you can pick up the book from Bais Yisroel, Jerusalem) or 30 nis (if you want it mailed to you), to:
Shimon Corsia, 5 Zaks Street, Jerusalem 97351. Phone: 972-2-582-8837

If you live in the States: Send a check for $8 (if you can pick it up from Brooklyn) or $11 (if you want it mailed to you) to: Genut Family, 586 E. 3rd Street, Brooklyn, NY 11218. Phone: 1-718-871-3050

Please note: I am not making any money from the sales of this book. I'm just doing a favor for a family member. And it is a nifty little book.

2009-03-26T22:28:00.001+02:00

Reminder

Tonight, Israelis move their clocks ahead one hour. Therefore we will once again be 7 hours ahead of EST, and 10 hours ahead of PST.

Have a Shabbat shalom.

2009-03-26T10:41:00.002+02:00

News Flash

I'm not chronically late anymore.

Turns out that I'm not "on the ADD spectrum" or disorganized or feeling time passing differently.

I just wasn't sleeping.

In fact, according to my sleep lab results, I was waking up an average of 27 times an hour.

No wonder I was scatterbrained.

Now I'm being treated, and guess what? I hand in assignments on time. I can focus during the day. I Get Stuff Done.

I'm not late for appointments anymore. Nothing. I even get places early.

It's a different world when one is well-rested.

2009-03-25T23:15:00.002+02:00

Yet Another Jewish Week Story (and a tangent that got a little involved)

This one is in the just-uploaded "Catered Events" supplement, hitting newsstands tomorrow.

Unrelated thought:

I had a weeeeeiiiiiird dream last night involving He Who Must Not Be Named. (I'm not talking about Voldemort, but rather a Person From My History. He cannot be named because privacy is way more important to him than to me - perhaps one of the many, many reasons we are not dating. But anyway, the least I can do is not toy with his identity on the internet.) In the dream I was in the market either for a new house or a new pet, I'm not sure. But anyway this woman was selling both her house and a litter of puppies/kittens (it kept changing). And while I'm there, He Who Must Not Be Named shows up with his fiancee (I don't think in real life he has a fiancee. Please tell me if he does so that I can outwardly voice my happiness for him while inwardly consider slitting my wrists.) She was, of course, much taller and much more beautiful than I am, because isn't it always so, and very nice and I had to be nice to her because she'd done nothing wrong and she's really nice and I hate this urgh. Anyhow, they are house shopping, isn't that nice? And then He Who Must Not Be Named asks why I haven't been in touch for so many years, and I say that it's because it made me really uncomfortable, and he says (as he might in real life, come to think of it) "that's disappointing. I would have expected you to be more reasonable." Which, now that I'm awake, is a really logical, cold thing to say, but in my dream I was, like, so ashamed, and fell all over myself assuring him that of course we can be friends now. And the next thing I know I'm at a wedding, and He Who Must Not Be Named is sitting at the reception with his fiancee and I'm seated next to them and I have to make small talk with both of them, and I don't know if she knows about The History and the whole thing is really uncomfortable, but I'm thinking "I've got to learn to deal with this, because we are going to be friends now. Must. learn. to. deal." And I woke up thinking damn. damn. damn. damn. damn.

[pant, pant]

OK. Seriously? There is a logical explanation for this dream. I had been at a wedding the night before. And I've been thinking about this post at another blog. And I would really like a pet (my roommate refuses, though soon we will be foster-parenting her friend's cat, Shpitz. I'm excited.) Oh, and also? I miss being friends with He Who Must Not Be Named. And there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing that's good for me, anyway.

:-(

2009-03-22T11:53:00.001+02:00

This is cool

2009-03-21T22:08:00.002+02:00

My Latest Articles

I've got two stories in this week's New York Jewish Week, in the "Israel Travel" supplement.

One is about various water parks in Israel, and the other is about places to go if you want an interactive Bedouin experience or a simulated Biblical experience.

I love my job.

2009-03-19T15:23:00.002+02:00

Movie Night

Last night I saw a 10 pm showing of "Slumdog Millionnaire" with Chava.

I felt like such a party animal, leaving my house at 9:30! Whew! :-)

The movie was intense. I see why it won Best Picture, but it was disturbing.

I went to sleep around 2 am (party animal!) and woke up at 1:15 in the afternoon (teenager!)

I had nightmares about babysitting for an adorable baby, and it disappears mysteriously while I'm brushing my teeth and dies, and I'm guilty of negligent homicide. Like I said, the movie was quite disturbing. Also I think my mind is still processing that horrible article about how easy it is to forget a child in a car.

Urgh.

2009-03-18T18:54:00.002+02:00

Quotes of the Day

#1: "I'd rather be paid to write drivel than to be poor and become posthumously beloved by millions." (Sarah)

#2: "I'm sure if I were surrounded by rich, handsome men they would all be attracted to me. But, alas, I'm not." (Liza)

#3:
Sarah to students: "I'm sorry I don't have your papers graded yet."
Student: "It's OK. We give you an extension."

2009-03-14T22:22:00.004+02:00

Then and Now

Then

This magazine cover graced the inside of my high-school locker

I'm not embarrassed to admit this because, seriously, who knew back then just how strange he was, or would become?

Now

If I were 17 again, this magazine cover would totally be in my locker, twice

because, you know, pretty men with tousle-able hair, an intense gaze, and. those. eyebrows. never go out of style. To 17-year-olds, anyway.

However, this does not bode well for Robert Pattinson's sanity or image. Yes, he's very pretty, but whose couch will he be jumping on in 20 years?

2009-03-11T12:38:00.002+02:00

The Post I Feel Like Writing This Morning

Happy Purim! This is such a great day. I love Purim. The birds are singing, there are musical vans driving around the streets, people are giving me cookies and cake, and later I'm going to see my cute little haredi cousins and have more cookies and cake. Yay!

And, I just drank a VERY BIG cup of coffee. I feel so alive! Life is fantastic!

The Post I Felt Like Writing Last Night

Four worst holidays to be a single, childless Orthodox adult:

#4: Chanukah. It's 80% a children's holiday.

#3: Purim. See above, but without the pretty candles.

#2: Yom Kippur. Same prayers every year. Every. year.

#1: Rosh Hashanah. See above, but without the fast and holy white clothing to elevate the day.

Best holiday to be a single, childless Orthodox adult:

#1: Passover! Cleaning goes smoothly and then you just show up at someone else's Seder with a bottle of wine and a box of matza, ready to be religious. Meaningful and pretty easy!

God, I love coffee.

2009-03-10T16:40:00.001+02:00

PSA

Crazy-scary article in the Washington Post, about the phenomenon of perfectly competent, loving parents forgetting their children in the car.

A tip from a New York Times reader:

"When you are strapping your child into his or her carseat, place your wallet, office/house keys, or purse onto the floor of the back seat with him or her."

2009-03-09T21:56:00.003+02:00

Discovery

I've been teaching now for several weeks and am starting to get to know the students better.

One of them, J., is a kid who, from the first day, set himself apart as a visual artist. He draws all the time, everywhere, on his notebooks, on t-shirts, on little slips of paper. Give him a pen or pencil and within seconds pictures will come out of it. And he's not bad at it, either.

He's also just as mellow in class as one would expect a visual artist to be. He is one of the most laid-back kids I've ever met. Nothing fazes him. It could also be that he's been sick - or depressed? - and tired all the time, which I've brought to the attention of the administration. But anyway what it all boils down to is that he sits quietly in class, looking always like he's on the verge of falling asleep. A nice boy -- the other kids seem to like him, and one of them once mentioned that she knows J. from camp and he's one of the nicest people she knows -- but with an air about him that says "I'm currently sitting in English class, but I'm not here, here."

Anyhow, most of my students have been experimenting with different forms of poetry, and keeping journals, which I get to read. And over the last few weeks I've noticed something about J's creative writing: it is truly creative. It is intense without being cliched. What I witness when reading his poetry is a level of originality and depth I've never seen before, not from a student. It's not hackneyed teenage angst. He's the real deal. There is a lot going on inside this kid, and he's got the actual talent to represent it in words. I read his work and think "My God, this kid could be the next Bob Dylan, or Allan Ginsburg."

I figured he must know already that he's good, so for a while I just wrote encouraging comments on his work and gave it back. But today I decided to make sure he realizes that he's at least at good at poetry as he is at drawing. So, even though he was complaining of feeling a little sick, I asked him to stay for a minute after class. Of course the first thing he wanted to know was whether he's in trouble. :-) Definitely not.

During class, my students gave presentations in groups. I don't know what J had done to his nose, but apparently it was bleeding and he spent the class sticking little pieces of paper up it. Ah, the glamour of teaching teenagers.

After class, he sat down with me and I started telling him that ... well, first I had to ask him to remove the piece of paper in his nose, because it's distracting, and he was like "aw, yeah, I guess it's hard to take me seriously with this"... and I told him that I think his writing is truly unique and special, and I wish I could help him mold his talent, but poetry isn't my "thing" as much as journalism, but I hope he continues writing and developing it, and maybe try songwriting -- and finding a mentor of some kind.

His mellow response? "Tell my mom. She'll figure something out."

I asked him if poetry is one of his "things" as much as drawing, and he said he'd never written poetry until this class. I've discovered a talent! Me! I discovered someone!

Meanwhile, the news that his English teacher thinks he's super-talented did not faze him, of course. I had to ask him outright if he's pleased to hear this. He said "yeah. It's cool..." and went on his way.

2009-03-08T10:37:00.002+02:00

Reminder

The United States has set its clocks ahead one hour.

This means that there is now a SIX-hour time difference between Israel and the East coast, and a NINE-hour time difference between Israel and the West coast.

Have fun setting up phone appointments . . . .

2009-03-04T09:27:00.002+02:00

Our Paths Meet

I think I may have crossed paths with Hillary Clinton yesterday. I was taking my ride to one of my teaching jobs, and, coming from Azza Street, we stopped at a main intersection. There were policepeople keeping traffic held up, and Hazzaz Avenue was empty.

"Someone important is coming," the driver said.

Sure enough, after about a minute -- which is a long time for traffic to be held -- a long motorcade come down from Hazzaz, turned around us and went up Azza street.

"The prime minister?" mused one of the other teachers.

"Nah, it's someone foreign," the driver said. I don't know how they can tell these things, or whether he was right. I did notice a couple of vans in the motorcade, full of people. Journalists?

Anyhow, that was my excitement for the day. Move along, move along.

2009-03-01T21:39:00.004+02:00

We're Saved!

I can't tell you how depressed I've been the last few days, trying to work out where I'll live next month. Since the landlord was raising the rent by 300 NIS - waaaay above market rate -- and doing it primarily to force us out because he doesn't like us, we were all set to move out. Well, Liza was. If she was moving out anyhow, she wanted to go to a neighborhood that had more of the bus lines she needed. Unfortunately, none of them are neighborhoods I'm willing to live in, if I can help it. So it meant splitting up. In fact Liza went today to see an apartment in another neighborhood, and had decided that unless our current landlord changes his mind in the 11th hour, she would call tomorrow and take the other place. She'd then move out in a few days.

I'd been afraid of this: having to choose between finding a new roommate (AGAIN), who may or may not turn out to be very annoying ... or living on my own (AGAIN) which we've already established isn't so healthy for me. I did research about rents in my area, and as I'd feared, the most I could afford, if I live on my own, is a studio (AGAIN) which would mean hosting Shabbat meals in my bedroom (AGAIN).

I walked around all day today with a feelings of dread and helplessness.

And then, finally finally, our next-door neighbors, whom we like a lot, and who own their apartment, called the landlord and told him that we are really nice people -- good, quiet, friendly neighbors -- and they strongly suggest that he not raise the rent by so much that we have to move out.

I guess the idea that we are nice people was new to him, and gave him some pause, because he called me up and said that he'll raise the rent by 100 nis, not 300 nis. Liza and I agreed that it's worth paying 50 nis more per month each, to avoid moving out.

Thank God Thank God Thank God Thank God Thank God Thank God!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!

Phew!!!!!

The forces of reason have triumphed over those of small-mindedness! Whoo hoo!!!!

2009-02-24T17:51:00.002+02:00

I'm supposed to be grading papers...

...so of course I'm blogging instead.

Here's the lowdown:

1- The landlord announced his intentions today of raising our rent by 300 NIS per month. Given that we are already paying the high end of market rate, we are not happy. (Get this: he says he's raising the rent because his expenses are so high, because we keep breaking things. Like, um, the refrigerator engine melted because of us? What? And, oh yeah, the other thing that broke was a mezuza case because his movers broke it when he decided to replace a perfectly good closet. Seriously. What?) Liza and I discussed our options, and at the moment we feel the best option is to move out rather than keep bleeding out rent money. We're hoping to find a place together, but that would mean finding a decent place that we can afford, in a neighborhood that is close to Emek for me, and near certain bus lines for her. A little tricky. So the possibility also exists of splitting up, which might mean I'm going back to living alone. Not good. More updates when I know something.

2- I was hit in the head! Hard! I was getting out of a taxi, and reminded the driver that I've got stuff in the trunk. While I was getting my stuff, he started driving away! With the trunk open! And my stuff inside! I started yelling at him to wait, and he stopped, and I ran a few steps to the car and reached in to grab my bag, when the trunk door came down. On my head! Hurt like hell. I ended up sitting with ice on my head for an hour. It's a few days later and it still hurts. For a while I thought about going to the doctor about it, but since I can walk in a straight line, exert pressure with my hands, focus with my eyes, and remember my birthday and who is president (of two countries) I guess I'm alright.

3- There was a huge HUGE storm here on Saturday. Turns out the people upstairs from me left their windows open, and their apartment became a lake. Water gushed out from beneath their front door and down all the stairs, like a waterfall. It was quite dramatic. Also it created water marks in my ceiling (which the landlord would blame me for, if he could, I'm sure). Unfortunately, Liza's room also got a bit wet. She was away in Europe, so I mopped up for her, arranged her wet things in a way they would dry, and even vaccuumed her carpet for her, which was not easy because all I have is a hand-held dust-buster. Am I a great roommate, or what?

4- Overall, though, things are good. My sleeping situation is greatly improved, and my productivity has increased as a result, which is fantastic. I've been keeping up with my "to do" list, can you believe it? I can, hardly. I've also been exercising more. Overall, a great feeling.

5- Teaching continues to go well. My students are very nice kids, in both programs. My bosses have gotten few reports about me, and those they got were positive, which means none of the kids are complaining and a few have gone out of their way to say good things. This indicates that classes are just fine from their perspective as well (no news is good news). Baruch Hashem.

6- Journalism assignments continue apace.

7- Did you know that you can remove rust stains from a porcelain bathtub by sprinkling either a) table salt and a little lemon juice or b) hydrogen peroxide and cream of tartar over it, allowing the paste to sit on the stain overnight, and then wiping it all away? Worked like magic (both ways). The internet is amazing.

Yes, my life is that exciting.

Ciao for now.

2009-02-18T11:51:00.002+02:00

The Art of the Argument

I believe I've written in the past (though now I can't find the post) about the Israeli style of arguing, which is to yell and scream and hurl accusations at each other, vent every feeling of frustration you have down to your guts, and when it's all over and you've said everything you want to say, to stop feeling angry, wish each other a hearty Shalom-have-a-good-day, and go about your business.

The advantage of this style is that once it's over, it's over. Israelis don't often bear grudges for long.

The disadvantage, as I have discussed, is that Americans who observe this behavior think the argument will erupt into World War III. Americans don't often yell at each other like that -- not in public anyway. Decorum is more important to us than not feeling angry anymore.

Lately I've discovered another disadvantage. What I'm about to say about Israelis may not sound very nice, but this is my blog about my life in Israel, and it wouldn't be true to myself or my readers if I pretended that Israel was a perfect place.

What I've realized is that the reason Israelis can drop their grudge is that arguments, to them, do not have the goal of solving problems. The goal is to say everything you wanted to say, to get everything off your chest, without ever once admitting that you yourself did anything wrong. Once you have finished talking and you have the sense the other person isn't going to argue back, you are done and can walk away, regardless of whether anyone has learned anything.

I've noticed that when an American and an Israeli get into an argument, the American will often keep trying to make the Israeli understand their point of view. All the American wants is some indication that they have been heard and understood. The Israeli then feels that, since you are not accepting all the blame, they must start all over again and restate their case, because clearly you did not hear them the first time. If you have not admitted defeat by shutting up, then they have not done their job properly.

The far better approach, if you have the nerves for it, is simply to let the Israeli talk until they are done and then say "O.K." After that, peace and quiet returns.

The nifty trick that Israelis play is that if they are on the "losing" end -- if they are the first to give up and stop yelling because they are tired of arguing -- they will then tell themselves that, though they lost the argument, they have the higher moral ground, because the other guy had lost his head and has no patience. By admitting defeat, you also show that you are the calmer, less confrontational one. The argument's winner thinks you are a frier, but you can see yourself as infinitely more patient. Everyone wins.

And nothing changes.

2009-02-13T12:42:00.002+02:00

Me, Today

I'm feeling physically and emotionally 99% better. Thanks, everyone, for your support!

2009-02-12T17:18:00.003+02:00

Me, this week

Well, let's see. I voted. In the rain. For Likud. Yes, David and Robert, I voted for Likud. Not as far-left as you think I am, huh?

I don't mind publicizing who I voted for, because as it turns out, whoever forms a coalition will have to do it with far-right parties whose platforms I find offensive. So whatever happens, it's not exactly my fault. We're all to blame. (I'm so optimistic, as you can see, about Israel's future.)

I've also been sick this week. I even canceled my classes yesterday, and was so knocked out that I slept through a surprise visit from the landlord.

I know, just know, in my gut, that the man will not renew our lease. He thinks we are annoying and that we don't take proper care of the apartment. He's wrong, and controlling, and absolutely infuriating, but it doesn't matter because it's his property and his right to decide whether to renew. I've even contacted my lawyer and indeed there is nothing we can do but hope that a few weeks from now, when it's time to start talking about renewal, he wakes up and realizes that we are good tenants.

Currently, there are several men in my life who are infuriating or disappointing me, in different ways: Doctor #1, Doctor #2, the Landlord, and the guy I asked on a date who never gave me an answer. If I had a therapist (see disappointment with Doctor #2) I'd be sitting on a couch talking about how men seem to ignore me all the time, or that I can never live up to their expectations. But I currently do not have a therapist, so I guess instead I will stew in bad vibes and generally feel bad about the world in general and men in particular. Because that's healthy, right?

I'm kidding. Sort of.

Oh, also, I have 43 tenth-grade papers to grade, all on the same topic. How thrilling. Thank God they are literate, so it's not so bad.

My saving grace: I'm getting REALLY good at higher-level crossword puzzles. Very exciting.

Well, small pleasures are important!

2009-02-03T11:01:00.002+02:00

Managing

My students seem like nice, motivated kids so far.

Most photocopying has worked out great. However my kids for today were not able to access all the internet sites with their homework readings. Hm. Must figure, in the next few hours, how to move on in a way that is fair and helps them keep learning (and I must photocopy whatever I need to make up for the situation). Urgh. Things happen.

I've always had a few kids with ADD and ADHD. This year for the first time I have two students with serious reading comprehension problems (dyslexia and such). If they want to keep up with the readings they will probably need a tutor. I can't sit with them and help them with that much homework -- and I wouldn't know how to help them, anyway, because their problems require very specific types of accomadations. I hope they work it out somehow. I feel bad that they have such debilitating problems.

I'm quite overwhelmed with everything on my plate. Papers to grade already from one program, lessons to plan for the other program, a grant proposal to write for one client and five articles for other clients. Do laundry, wash floors, pick up prescriptions, etc etc etc.

Better than being unemployed and bored, I guess!

Gotta run.

2009-01-26T17:24:00.004+02:00

School-related Nightmares

I used to have nightmares, pretty often, about failing a college class because

a) I showed up one day and discovered there was a final exam happening that day, of which I'd had no clue or

b) I forgot to go to the final or

c) I forgot that I was registered for the class, and had neither attended any of the sessions nor withdrawn from the course at the registrar's office.

Often I'd wake up in a panic and have to remind myself that I already have my diploma, that I passed all my classes -- even the fourth-level Hebrew class that I took pass/fail and therefore didn't attend as often as perhaps I should have -- and that everything is fine. And also, from what I understand, this sort of nightmare is quite common among college graduates.

Then I started teaching at a public high school in the Bronx. Ever since, my school-related nightmares are not about failing a class, but about failing as a teacher. Specifically, they are about showing up the first day of school and being completely unprepared.

In some dreams, I'm back in the States, and I suddenly am back teaching on September 1st on no notice, and so I have to scramble around getting my class schedule and finding my classrooms (which are always miles apart), praying that I won't be late or, worse, miss a class completely (and still, deep down, knowing that my absence would be because the burden of teaching these classes had been placed on me in the last minute, NOT because I'm chronically late -- even though I am chronically late, but not for teaching! -- but I'd still feel horrible as if it were somehow my fault), and I face classroom after classroom of young, not-necessarily-eager faces, and I have to tell them something about what we're doing this year and what they should expect of me and of the class, but I got nothin', because I have no clue what the curriculum is, and I have no syllabus to hand out, and even though I'm an experienced teacher and can wing it well enough not to lose their respect completely, if only I'd had more time I could have prepared something really great rather than something mediocre or "not completely embarrassing" and I'm overwhelmed because I know that for the next few months I'll be playing a constant game of catch-up, and I'm angry at the system for not giving me more advance notice and for dumping all this responsibility on me without giving me the tools I need to do a great job.

Unfortunately, most of what I just described was reality in the New York City public school where I taught for two years. I didn't ever know until the last minute (ie, the day before school started) what grades or subjects I was teaching, and I did play catch-up every single day, sometimes not knowing when I went to bed at night what in the world I'd have my students do the next day. The feeling of mediocrity that I lived with for 2 years was horrible. So it's no mystery where that nightmare comes from!

I wake up in a panic, and have to remind myself that now I teach in programs where I know in advance what is expected of me, and where I teach all my classes in one room, and for which I already have course outlines.

I start teaching in six days. Three times a week I'll be teaching two sections of 11th-grade English classes (for American students here on a semester program). I've taught this course before and not only have a syllabus already, I even have my handouts ready for the first few weeks.

I'm also starting a second job in another, similar program for American kids. There, I'll be teaching three sections of 10th grade, twice per week. Half of the curriculum will be the same as that I teach in the first program, so those lesson plans are already done. And the other half will be a sort of Journalism mini-course, which I've never taught before but it is, after all, my professional field. I'm sure it will be fine and that the students will get a lot out of it ... and I'm also sure that, though of course there will be some snags in the lesson plans since they'll be new, I'll be able to work with the kids to keep things as smooth as possible, and I'll improve those lesson plans for next year. Consciously, I know that I'm a pretty good teacher and that everything will be OK.

But subconsciously, I'm apparently petrified, because last night I had a new teaching nightmare: that I showed up at this new program the first day, and I'd KNOWN that I'm teaching and I KNOW what the curriculum is, but I'd FORGOTTEN TO PHOTOCOPY THE HANDOUTS because I'd gotten confused between what I'd taken care of for the kids in one program vs. the kids in the other program. So I have to face the students and give them a syllabus, and I've got this student questionnaire for the first day which is very helpful...but both of those handouts are at home and really I got nothin' and I'm walking in there in 2 minutes and I have no handouts so what the hell am I going to do for 50 minutes? Aaaaaaaagh...

The human mind is really something! I'm trying to tell myself that this fear is useful only as far as it motivates me to stay on top of everything and get my materials photocopied far enough in advance that I feel everything is under control. But deep down I know it won't go away completely until the courses are finished at the end of May and I can honestly tell myself that it was a job well done.

Wish me luck!

2009-01-21T15:40:00.003+02:00

Appreciation Wednesday

I want to express appreciation to all those English-language writers who helped in Israel's "PR War" during the recent Gaza campaign: the bloggers and letter-writers and op-ed writers, etc. etc. Many, many people did excellent work, and despite the tragedy which is CNN, I do think your work paid off, perhaps more than you know.

I know many of you have stopped reading The New York Times because of its bias (real or perceived) against Israel. But I read the New York Times every day. I read every single article, op-ed, and letter about Israel. When an article has invited comments, I read the comments.

And I can tell you that the coverage this time around was very fair. This does not mean that everything they reported cast Israel in a glowing light. Part of their job, as a strong newspaper, was to tell us what was happening on the ground in Gaza, and it was ugly. But they did a better job in the last few weeks of providing context than I've seen in years. The message of why Israel was doing this, Israel's goals and its attempts to minimize civilian casualties, came through clearly.

That message also came through, clearly and intelligently, in readers' comments and in the Letters section.

The New York Times isn't much of a barometer, but I've seen lots of great articles being sent around the internet from smaller papers around America, and the number of CAMERA complaints has been relatively low, given how much publicity this war receives. Overall, I think as a group we writers and media-watchers who want the world to truly understand what happens on our side of the Erez crossing were more successful in this war than we've been for ages.

There are still a lot of Israel-haters out there, and the PR side of Israel's struggles is a continuing challenge. But I do think it's important to step back and acknowledge when one's efforts have made a difference.

Kudos to all those who made their voices heard.

2009-01-14T16:14:00.002+02:00

Air Raid Siren

The air-raid siren went off in Jerusalem today, scaring the bejeezus out of a lot of people.

Liza and I were both at home. As far as we know, our nearest bomb shelter is the Chabad center a block away. Not knowing what was going on -- did the Gazans get even longer-range missiles and we didn't know? Is this a drill we didn't hear about? -- we bunkered ourselves in our little hallway between the salon, kitchen and bathroom, and closed all the doors so we'd be away from any windows. Immediately we discovered that the phone networks were busy, which meant that it wasn't a drill; no one else knew about it either.

Liza took it pretty calmly, since she had lived in Haifa during the Israel-Lebanon war in 2006. She started making a list of things we should keep in the little hallway: chairs, cushions, radio... while I stood there, not freaking out exactly but having to admit that I felt scared.

"You'll be amazed," she said, "how quickly this stops being frightening and starts being completely irritating."

After a few minutes we found out that the siren had simply malfunctioned, both in Jerusalem and Bet Shemesh (which is in range of Gaza missiles, so they must have really been freaking out over there).

I said to Liza "You know, I'm thinking that even though we're technically out of missile range, maybe we should inquire whether there's a bomb shelter closer by, and start putting all that stuff into the hallway, just in case."

Liza's response: "What I was thinking was that if a missile came through our kitchen window, no one would ever find out how many dirty dishes we have."

:-)

2009-01-11T22:30:00.004+02:00

Quick Update (now with a little war-related stuff!)

1- This is what the engine of my refrigerator looked like:

It was basically melted. We got a new one today. This means we were sans fridge for 3 days. Thank God this happened in the winter, rather than in the summer.

FYI the fridge belongs to the landlord, so the money I put out to replace the engine is being deducted from next month's rent.

2- Recipe for Freezer Soup by Chayyei Sarah:

In a large pot, dump:
formerly frozen spinach
formerly frozen brocolli
formerly frozen carrots
formerly frozen mix of sweet potato, white potato, celery, onions, carrots
formerly frozen dill (equivalent of 4-6 tspn)
formerly frozen crushed garlic (equivalent of 3-4 cloves)
formerly frozen vegetarian/soy-based "chicken" breasts, cut into bite-size pieces
formerly refrigerated tofu, cut into cubes
formerly frozen half a can of whole tomatoes, mostly drained
1 can whole chick peas
salt and pepper to taste

Cover with water, cook for a while, and enjoy.
(It actually was really yummy.)

3- My landlord is infuriating. I don't want to get into the details here, but let's just say that the refrigerator drama is not the only "issue" I've had to discuss with him recently, and it's so frustrating dealing with him. The conclusion that Liza and I have reached is that the man does not understand that although he owns this place and therefore has the right to expect rent money and for us not to damage anything, this isn't his home anymore, it's ours. (He lived here for 30 years.) It doesn't seem to register with him that certain things are none of his business, or that, no, we don't have to put the furniture where he thinks it would be best. AAAAARGH.

4- I tried to give blood today, for the war effort. I was at Shaarei Tzedek Hospital anyhow for an appointment with the good folk at the sleep lab, and asked at "information" where to give blood. The 8-thousand year old woman at the counter said "I don't think we do that." Can it really be that you can't give blood at a hospital? Maybe I have to go to a Magen David Adom center? Anyhow I now feel like those ads that say "Don't Almost Give. Give." are directed right at me.

5- In case you are one of the 3 people in Israel who hasn't gotten the email about this, you can donate toys, children's books, blankets, and small heaters to Israelis in the South by wrapping them in a box and bringing them to your local Israeli post office. The Israel Postal Authority has made arrangements with the municipalities of several communities (Ashkelon, Be'er Sheva, Sderot, Ofakim and Netivot) to distribute the goodies, after determining that those items are what they most want. The donated items will be sent for free. More details here.

6- I agree 100% with the first 20 (short) paragraphs of this post. Regarding the rest (last 7 paragraphs), I have a slightly (though not substantially) different take; more about that some other time, perhaps.

2009-01-09T12:01:00.002+02:00

A Little Drama

Last night I was in the salon with our weekly guest, Liz. She was playing on her computer and I was preparing a blog post on something fun and silly, to get people's minds off the war, when my roommate, Liza, started saying something from the kitchen that I didn't really listen to.

So she said it more forcefully, and it was along the lines of "something smells funny in here."

Well, dude, it's the kitchen. There are funny smells. I'm busy here. [Don't worry, we get along fine. I was just absorbed in what I was doing.]

Next: "Seriously, guys, there's a weird smell and the fridge is making funny noises. Listen!"

So we listened, and it sounded like the fridge was humming. What's her problem?

I went into the kitchen and indeed it smelled strongly, of some weird gas. And Liza was standing in a cloud! Problem! Whoa!

Like a flash, Liz and I ran around the apartment collecting everyone's laptops (because what else would YOU save if your kitchen was full of some strange gas and you had to leave?), while Liza unplugged the fridge and opened some windows.

We went next door and called the fire department, who said to unplug the fridge and open some windows. Check. Next, call a technician.

Bottom line: I slept at the neighbors last night because our apartment smelled like freon, which by the way is not odorless. Liz and Liza slept in Liza's room (their preference) in their coats because all the windows were open. And a technician is coming in a few hours.

2009-01-04T17:23:00.002+02:00

Stress

1- Worry over our troops in Gaza (but also relief and pride that, when attacked, our people have the means and the will to protect ourselves).

2- Worry over Sparky, who, for reasons too complicated to explain here, could really use a new place to live for the next couple of weeks -- a place that would allow her to continue attending her regular school (not in Jerusalem).

3- Overwhelmed-ness over all the things I have to finish RIGHT NOW. Cannot break the laws of physics to do them all at the same time. Urrrrrrrgh.

2008-12-31T19:01:00.003+02:00

I'm NOT war blogging,

OK? In case you haven't noticed. Not interested in the stress; I have enough, thanks.

If you want war blogging, go read Treppenwitz. He's saying a lot of what I'm thinking, especially here and here. Oh, and here. And this is pretty thought-provoking, too.

So far (thank God) there is only one way this war has affected me: My mother called from the States and made me promise a few days ago not to take any buses or eat in restaurants, because she's afraid that the suicide bombing will start up again in Jerusalem soon.

Because she is my mother, and I love and respect her, and because she rarely asks anything of me, I agreed to do as she asked for one week. Two days later, I told her that if I have to work from home for a whole week I'll be miserable, and to please release me from my promise, which she did. (She rationalized her way to feeling better by telling herself that "the suicide bombing won't be this week, anyway, because the terrorists are busy being bombed. It will be afterward." I guess she'll worry about it then. My poor mom!) I'm now writing this from my table at Tal Bagels.

In non-war news, an extremely intelligent and talented acquaintance of mine has started a new blog, Borei Hoshech, in which she explicates the Jewish morning liturgy through the lens of her depression. It's meant to be a meeting place for Jews to talk about depression and anxiety disorders, and the intersection of those things with Jewish ritual (for better and for worse). I love the title, which comes from a blessing we say each morning, showing gratitude to God who creates light and who creates darkness.

Oh, one more thing about the war: Amos Oz, A.B. Yehoshuah, and David Grossman are all extremely talented novelists, but don't seem to read the news, or they'd know that "cease fire" has long since ceased to mean anything to Hamas other than "chance to re-arm." I'd love peace as much as they do, but the articles they've recently published are so much hot air, if I kept a few copies in my apartment then Liza and I wouldn't have to pay such a fortune for heat.

That said, I'm wondering: When Ehud Barak says that we'll keep attacking Gaza until "all our goals are met," to what goals, exactly, does he refer? Are there specific targets or people they are still going after? Are they waiting for some specific announcement? Continuing attacks until the Israeli populace feels satisfied with the amount of revenge it's gotten? I'm seriously confused. Emphasis: I agree Israel has to do something - in fact, a response to the thousands of rockets that have rained over Sderot is way overdue. But now that we're finally doing something, how long do we plan to do it? And does anyone really think that we're really accomplishing anything? What would accomplishment look like?

**

But I'm NOT WAR BLOGGING, OK????

2008-12-28T10:28:00.002+02:00

Hi

Sorry it's been a while. Thank God, I've actually been busy. So, here are a few updates:

1- Yesterday I was at the home of my friends C and M, and we heard planes overhead. M went to the window and said "looks like we're about to attack somebody. Those were military planes, and they weren't doing training." There was a pause, and C pointed out "you know things are very bad when even Meretz [a far-left political party that is very into making peace with the Palestinians] say that we have to take military action."

My feelings about what happened in Gaza yesterday: I feel very sad that it had to be that way. But it had to be that way. We can't let rockets rain down on our citizens and do nothing. I look forward to the day -- may I live to see it -- when the Palestinian leadership figures out what "compromise" and "good leadership" and "promises" and "tolerance" actually mean. I'd really like for our army to have nothing to do. That would be fantastic.

2- I spent a night at the Dead Sea last week, compliments of the Spa Club hotel. It was amazing. The nicest hotel I've ever stayed in. For the first time I experienced a Turkish bath, and ...wow. Loved it. I also went to the museum at the base of Masada. They've done a great job with it. Really brought the story to life.

3- Here's the thing about being a freelance writer in bad economic times: you don't exactly lose your job. You have a few clients hanging on, and new projects can (and do) come in. But you don't exactly keep your job either, and making ends meet becomes a challenge. So you're in a better position than those who are laid off from their "normal" jobs and have no income at all, but not in as good a place as those who are managing to hold onto their jobs and are making the same salaries as before. Good luck to everyone just hanging on until things get better again!

4- Despite what I just said, I did splurge last week and went out to see Twilight with Sparky. More commentary on that later, I think. It should be its own post.

5- I got the results back from the sleep lab! More details later, but for now: Yes, I have problems with my sleep, and now they have been diagnosed, and now I can move forward and be treated. I really hope the treatment will work so that I can actually get a good night's rest, something that has not happened for a few years now.

6- Two Chanukah highlights: Attending the official candle-lighting ceremony at the Spa Club hotel, and having the management of my supermarket say the blessings over the loudspeaker. I love these little events that just don't happen in America.

7- My friend Penina is visiting from the States and spent Shabbat with me. 'Twas nice to catch up.

8- It is freezing here. Winter coat weather. Brrrr.

7- You can see my article (plus sidebar) on Arad at the Jewish Week website, here and here.

2008-12-18T11:31:00.002+02:00

The Blahs

I'll get to the good news soon, but basically in the last week I've:

1- Lost my glasses. One evening I was in a hotel room (see below) and had them; the next morning they had utterly disappeared. There's $400 down the drain.

2- Lost my glasses. Which means that by the time I get the new ones (on Sunday, please God), I'll have been squinting and getting headaches for a week and a half.

3- Had some sort of virus that kept me in bed on and off for the last three days. Blegh.

4- Have had to face the fact that the "world economic meltdown" has trickled down to my own poor, depleted bank account. Quite a stressful turn of events.

5- Was stood up on a date. Sort of. It's a little more complicated than that, but "stood up" is the best way to describe what happened in simple terms. This feels very bad.

I realize that in the grand scheme of life, none of the above is a horrible thing. I have a nice apartment, good friends, some income, food on the table. It's fine. I'll get through it. But it's been a "blah" week.

The good news:

1- I got a free night at the Margoa hotel in Arad, and a free, excellent tour of Masada the next day. This was all for an assignment I'm working on. It had been 18 years (half my life) since I'd been to Masada, and I have to say, going as an adult who knows something about Jewish and ancient history makes the experience much richer than going as an 18-year-old who has never been to Israel before. First of all, I knew this time to wear layers. Second, I knew that the Snake Path sucks and that if you must hike up, it's the Ramp Path you want. Third, the story of the kannaim had context for me now. I understand more -- mostly from visits to other, excellent National Parks such as those at Tzippori and Bet Sha'an -- about the Roman conquest and the complex relationship between Jews and Romans. And Fourth, the double-layered history of Masada (Herod's buildings, and later the Jews' use of those buildings) was much more clear to me this time. I think the last time I went, all I could think about was how absolutely horrible the Snake Path was, and why didn't anyone tell me to wear layers?

Thanks to Peter Abelow of Keshet: The Center for Educational Tourism in Israel, for guiding me through Masada. Peter's commentary was wonderful.

2- I've ordered new glasses ... and they are much nicer than the old ones.

3- I'm very excited because my parents are coming to visit me next month!

4- For all the "blahs," my lack of funds, etc., life goes on and it's not bad. I've got my family, my friends, my books, my internet connection, my apartment, my food, my clothes... lots to be thankful for. And pretty soon I'm starting not one but two teaching jobs, each of which is a four-month gig, which will help tide me over financially and also, I hope, will be fun. I'm a bit nervous about taking on such a large teaching load, but mostly I'm looking forward to the change of pace.

And now, for something cute, a very serious conversation I recently had with my three-year-old neighbor, as we were both leaving the building one morning (this was all in Hebrew):

Tahel: Hi Sarah!
Sarah: Taheli! Good morning!
Tahel: Where are you going?
Sarah: I'm going to work. Where are you going?
Tahel: I'm going to gan [nursery school]. You have a backpack!
Sarah: Yes, I do. And so do you, I see.
Tahel: What is in your backpack?
Sarah: My computer and some papers. What's in yours?
Tahel: Food. Do you have food in your backpack?
Sarah: No.
Tahel [looking concerned]: So what do you eat?
Sarah: Um, well, see, I do my work in a restaurant, and I get food there.
[Tahel looks understandably confused.]
[Tahel's father emerges from their apartment with her jacket.]
Sarah: Tahel, you look so nice in your outfit, with your cute purple pants and your green jacket. Look, you are wearing green, and I'm wearing green too!
Tahel: You are wearing a sweater-shirt!
Sarah: Yes, that's true.
Tahel [as we all walk down the stairs]: I like green. Do you like green?
Sarah: Yes.
Tahel: But it's not my favorite color. My favorite color is purple. Do you like purple?
Sarah: Oh, yes, very much.
Tahel [as we get to the street]: Do you know what can be purple?
Sarah: Um, no, what?
Tahel: Parsely leaves can be purple!
Sarah: Um, yes, that's true.
Tahel's father: Tahel, it's time to get in the car. Say goodbye to Sarah.
All: Bye bye!