Good News
Last night, Saw You at Sinai hosted a party for singles at a private home in the German Colony. As usual, I signed up to go, because one has to put in one's hishtadlut (effort) to find a partner, right? And the party is within walking distance, right? And it's free, right? So I have no excuse not to go, right?
But going, and wanting to go, are two different things. While getting dressed and blow-drying my hair beforehand, all I could think was "uch, uch, uch, I soooo do not want to go to this." Because what usually happens at a singles party? Well, it could be that the crowd will be sort of "bleh." Or that it will be a great crowd, but none of the men will look at me twice.
In fact, usually the best kind of singles event is when there are hardly any men at all, but a lot of terrific women, so I can make new friends in this new country of mine.
So I just told myself "you are not going to try to find a husband. You are going to make new female friends. And so that no one can say that you aren't putting in effort." Have I become jaded, or what?
But I get to the party . . . and there are easily 200 people crowded into this beautiful home (and its adjoining sukkah), and it's a normal crowd, and the ratio of men to women is pretty good, and I spoke with a nice, normal guy who took my contact information, and I saw a few female acquintances whom I was happy to see. All in all, it was a great party! Wow!
Interestingly, there were not only a lot of English-speaking olim, but also quite a few native Israelis and a significant minority of American tourists. Actually, by the end of the evening, there were about 300 people in the house, and so many faces I recognized from the Upper West Side that I joked with another Manhattan transplant that it feels like we never left. I started to feel very trapped and overstimulated, and left after about an hour. But, I have to say, it was a good hour.
As I told one of the tourists who was asking me whether all singles events in Jerusalem are like this, it seems to be hit-or-miss. You can go to a singles event and have it be the worst experience of your life (see my posts from December 2004, about the shabbaton in Tiberias), or it can have a really great crowd and be lots of fun. There is no way to know in advance. And so, we keep truckin' along, blow-drying our hair as if the event will be great, but telling ourselves "I'm only going to make new friends" as if it will bomb, hoping against hope that the day will soon come when we can spend a cold, rainy October evening indoors with someone we love, rather than playing Singles Party russian roulette.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Sukkot Happenings
This is the first year that I am a) in Israel for Sukkot and b) not sick. And so I went through Billboard, the entertainment guide inserted weekly in the Jerusalem Post, to check out events for the week. Since many Israelis have a lot of time off from work, and all kids are off from school, there is a lot going on.
For the benefit of those who are here, I'm sharing some details of events I might attend, since perhaps you'd be interested, too. And for those who are abroad . . . poor you! You should have come to Israel for the holiday!
To all those readers who are celebrating Sukkot this week, have a very happy holiday.
This is the first year that I am a) in Israel for Sukkot and b) not sick. And so I went through Billboard, the entertainment guide inserted weekly in the Jerusalem Post, to check out events for the week. Since many Israelis have a lot of time off from work, and all kids are off from school, there is a lot going on.
For the benefit of those who are here, I'm sharing some details of events I might attend, since perhaps you'd be interested, too. And for those who are abroad . . . poor you! You should have come to Israel for the holiday!
- The International Tango Festival will be performing (and giving Tango lessons) in various Israeli cities from October 19-25. The JPost did not give the dates/times for any specific city, and the number they gave (03 602 4020) is a fax number. I did some Googling and found an alternative number to call. If/when I hear back with a detailed schedule, I'll probably post it here.
- The annual sukkot ICON Festival (science fiction, fantasy, imagination) is taking place at the Tel Aviv Cinematheque. Damsels in distress, trolls, orcs, and knights will be performing throughout the day, and there will be films, workshops, lectures, etc. Information here. I sent in an email asking for a detailed schedule of workshops and other "featured events." Again, details (probably) to come if I get them. Meanwhile it sounds like a good time can be had simply by showing up there and seeing what's going on!
- The Archeological Gardens in the Old City will have performances, food, and fairs connected to the Biblical-era tradition of going to Jerusalem to offer sacrifices on the holiday of Sukkot. There will be "farmers" and "priests" walking around and performing, and an open-air market selling spices, oils, perfumes, and other Biblical-type things. 10 NIS entrance fee. The phone number to call for information is (according to the JPost) 02 627 7962
- Wednesday night (tomorrow!) there will be a Saw You at Sinai singles party from 8:30-10 in the German Colony. I am pretty sure you have to be a member of SYAS to be invited, but sign-up is free, so why not? There will be shadchanim at the party as well. Event is from 8:30-10.
- Various kite-flying events (kite-making workshops, kites to buy, and lawns to use them on) at the Botanical Gardens on Thursday October 20 from 9-3. Information: 02 679 4012.
- The poetry magazine Mashiv Haruach is sponsoring an event at which will be shown a series of student films about the observance of Shabbat in Israel, followed by a panel discussion. Jerusalem Cinematheque, Oct. 20, 4 pm. Information here. Phone number given in JPost: 02 625 2651. Phone number given on website for ordering tickets: 02 565 4333 (Note: I recently discovered the hard way that the Cinematheque reserves tickets in advance only to members. Non-members must come 20 minutes before the show and hope there are still seats. I'm not sure what the situation is with this particular program. Just warning you, the tickets may not be reservable.)
- Who knew there is a science museum in Jerusalem? And they have an exhibit going on called "Toys and Physics." Sounds like my kind of program. Their hours vary; phone number according to JPost is 02 654 4888. The Bloomfield Science Museum is in Givat Ram.
- IMPORTANT NOTE: THE JPOST MESSED UP THE DATE OF THE "SHLOMO FESTIVAL." It is not taking place on October 24 (which is Erev Yom Tov) but rather this Sunday, October 23, from 4pm-midnight, in Moshav Me'or Modiin. Concerts with music by Shlomo Carlebach, crafts, food, storytelling, etc. I've seen posters for this all over Jerusalem; looks like it will be a huge event. Rides from Jerusalem can be organized by calling 054-687-8217. Tickets are 80 NIS at the gate, or 60 NIS with advance reservation. To make advance reservations, call 03-527 6677 (for groups of 1-4) or 052-473-7156 (for groups of 5 or more).
- FYI, three movies I've been wanting to see are playing this week at the Malcha Mall Globus movie theater: Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit; The 40-year-old Virgin; and Mary Poppins (with Hebrew dialogue). If you are interested in seeing any of these with me let me know!
To all those readers who are celebrating Sukkot this week, have a very happy holiday.
Monday, October 17, 2005
The 7 Meme
I'm not sure what a "meme" is, but Dov Bear seems to have "tagged" me with one, and apparently I am now bound by the Blogger Code of Duty and Ethics to fill it out. I so do not have time for this. I have an article that is very late for a very important client, cooking to do, all my winter clothes are in storage over my closet and I'm not tall enough to get it down even with my step-ladder, I haven't showered yet, and half my hosts for the next week don't know yet that I'm joining them for meals. But, here we go anyway:
7 things I can do:
7 things I can't do:
7 things I hope to do in my life:
7 celebrity crushes (not in Dov Bear's version, but it's fun so I'll do it):
7 people I'd like to infect with this meme:
I'm not sure what a "meme" is, but Dov Bear seems to have "tagged" me with one, and apparently I am now bound by the Blogger Code of Duty and Ethics to fill it out. I so do not have time for this. I have an article that is very late for a very important client, cooking to do, all my winter clothes are in storage over my closet and I'm not tall enough to get it down even with my step-ladder, I haven't showered yet, and half my hosts for the next week don't know yet that I'm joining them for meals. But, here we go anyway:
7 things I can do:
- Speak in public without getting nervous
- Read the Hebrew magazine L'Isha and understand almost everything
- Give really good hugs
- Identify the one man in a crowded room who is wearing Drakkar Noir
- Dance
- Beat almost anyone at Star Wars Trivial Pursuit
- Draw pretty well
7 things I can't do:
- play an instrument
- conjugate Hebrew verbs in the Nif'al construction
- play petty politics
- tie a cherry stem with my tongue
- roller skate/ice skate
- drive a stick shift
- bake challah
7 things I hope to do in my life:
- Get married
- Have kids
- Publish a book or two
- Engage in social activism
- Move to a bigger apartment, with a porch
- Go on an RV trip around the USA
- Reach my goal weight
7 celebrity crushes (not in Dov Bear's version, but it's fun so I'll do it):
- Colin Firth
- Ewan McGregor
- Cedric Diggory
- Rabbi Dr. Benny Lau (Is that OK? There are "blog crushes." Can't there be "rabbi crushes"? I might write a post about this)
- Natalie Portman (non-sexual)
- Young Harrison Ford
- Young Matthew Broderick
7 people I'd like to infect with this meme:
- I don't believe in this. I don't forward chain mails, internet rumors, or jokes, and I don't "infect" or "tag" people with "memes." However, if my sister feels inclined to fill out the questions, I'd be very interested in seeing her answers.
A few things
. . . before I go to sleep.
1) Tonight I went to a fairly interesting panel discussion about the future of Religious Zionism, sponsored by Yeshiva University. I will try to write more about what was said in a later post, unless I get a paid journalism gig about it. It's a very important topic right now, since the disengagement from Gaza pretty much caused huge chasms within the movement. The disengagement was widely seen in Israel not as an expression of right-wing/ left-wing political divide, but rather a religious/secular divide. To Religious Zionists, it was seen as a tremendous slap in the face (which it pretty much was, given the lack of planning by the government and continued troubles the evacuated settlers are now having getting their lives back together . . . and it's not ONLY because they themselves refused to plan in advance). If the Religious Zionist sector wants to have any say on what happens to the West Bank, they'll have to galvanize and re-unite very quickly.
One possible positive aspect of the disengagement is that it woke up the Religious Zionist sector to realize just how marginalized they had become within Israeli society. As one of tonight's speakers said "The disengagement from Gaza was the second disengagement. The first disengagement was the self-isolation of the Religious Zionists from secular Israeli society." There is definitely a strong awareness now among Religious Zionist leaders that if they ever want to have a significant voice within Israeli society again, they will have to re-engage with secular Israelis. That means living in the same communities; providing palatable programs on Jewish history, culture, and religion; displaying respect for secular Jews; and ceasing to be a one-issue movement (focused on settlements beyond the Green Line) and instead producing religious scholarship on issues such as social welfare, foreign policy, education, and other issues which affect Israelis on a day-to-day level.
2) As most of you probably know already, four Israelis were killed today in two separate terrorist attacks, one in Gush Etzion (close to the home of Treppenwitz) and one in Eli (I think). May the memories of the dead be for a blessing, and may their families be comforted among the mourners of Zion. There was something on the radio about there having been some sort of tension at the checkpoint through which one or more of the terrorists had gotten through, apparently (as I understood with my less-than-completely fluent Hebrew) between Israeli citizens who were angry about the lax security after the terrorist attack. I'm not sure I understood the radio report, though. If anyone has seen any written news reports about the attacks and their aftermath, please post links in the comments.
3) On a less serious note . . . . When it comes to being taken out to eat, making aliyah is a win-win situation.
When friends come from America to visit me, they take me out to eat.
When I go to America to visit them, they take me out to eat.
Like I said, win-win. I win, and then I win again!
(Thanks, Lisa A., for a fabulous dinner last week at Olive.)
4) A funny thing happened this morning. As I've mentioned before, there is an overgrown garden just below my window, which currently is covered with wild shrubs and bushes about as tall as I am. Within this garden live a few of Jerusalem's many, many street cats. It often happens that I am kept awake by the cries of cats in heat. But this morning at around 8:15, there were two cats who were "doing their thing" so loudly and for so long, I started wondering what kind of "kitty porn" they were filming down there. It was unbelievable. They were going at it for ages, with absolutely no inhibitions about who could hear them. I'm telling you, they must have been on some sort of pet Viagra.
Suddenly, BLASH! A bucket-full of water came cascading down from the apartment above me, right onto the cats. I myself gasped in surprise, but the cats both made this sound that clearly meant "what the - ???" in feline.
Well, that ended their "filming" session. Talk about taking a cold shower!
5) If you have not visited my sister's blog lately, I recommend doing so. She's on a roll. And please leave comments -- if only so that she'll stop complaining to me about how no one ever does!
. . . before I go to sleep.
1) Tonight I went to a fairly interesting panel discussion about the future of Religious Zionism, sponsored by Yeshiva University. I will try to write more about what was said in a later post, unless I get a paid journalism gig about it. It's a very important topic right now, since the disengagement from Gaza pretty much caused huge chasms within the movement. The disengagement was widely seen in Israel not as an expression of right-wing/ left-wing political divide, but rather a religious/secular divide. To Religious Zionists, it was seen as a tremendous slap in the face (which it pretty much was, given the lack of planning by the government and continued troubles the evacuated settlers are now having getting their lives back together . . . and it's not ONLY because they themselves refused to plan in advance). If the Religious Zionist sector wants to have any say on what happens to the West Bank, they'll have to galvanize and re-unite very quickly.
One possible positive aspect of the disengagement is that it woke up the Religious Zionist sector to realize just how marginalized they had become within Israeli society. As one of tonight's speakers said "The disengagement from Gaza was the second disengagement. The first disengagement was the self-isolation of the Religious Zionists from secular Israeli society." There is definitely a strong awareness now among Religious Zionist leaders that if they ever want to have a significant voice within Israeli society again, they will have to re-engage with secular Israelis. That means living in the same communities; providing palatable programs on Jewish history, culture, and religion; displaying respect for secular Jews; and ceasing to be a one-issue movement (focused on settlements beyond the Green Line) and instead producing religious scholarship on issues such as social welfare, foreign policy, education, and other issues which affect Israelis on a day-to-day level.
2) As most of you probably know already, four Israelis were killed today in two separate terrorist attacks, one in Gush Etzion (close to the home of Treppenwitz) and one in Eli (I think). May the memories of the dead be for a blessing, and may their families be comforted among the mourners of Zion. There was something on the radio about there having been some sort of tension at the checkpoint through which one or more of the terrorists had gotten through, apparently (as I understood with my less-than-completely fluent Hebrew) between Israeli citizens who were angry about the lax security after the terrorist attack. I'm not sure I understood the radio report, though. If anyone has seen any written news reports about the attacks and their aftermath, please post links in the comments.
3) On a less serious note . . . . When it comes to being taken out to eat, making aliyah is a win-win situation.
When friends come from America to visit me, they take me out to eat.
When I go to America to visit them, they take me out to eat.
Like I said, win-win. I win, and then I win again!
(Thanks, Lisa A., for a fabulous dinner last week at Olive.)
4) A funny thing happened this morning. As I've mentioned before, there is an overgrown garden just below my window, which currently is covered with wild shrubs and bushes about as tall as I am. Within this garden live a few of Jerusalem's many, many street cats. It often happens that I am kept awake by the cries of cats in heat. But this morning at around 8:15, there were two cats who were "doing their thing" so loudly and for so long, I started wondering what kind of "kitty porn" they were filming down there. It was unbelievable. They were going at it for ages, with absolutely no inhibitions about who could hear them. I'm telling you, they must have been on some sort of pet Viagra.
Suddenly, BLASH! A bucket-full of water came cascading down from the apartment above me, right onto the cats. I myself gasped in surprise, but the cats both made this sound that clearly meant "what the - ???" in feline.
Well, that ended their "filming" session. Talk about taking a cold shower!
5) If you have not visited my sister's blog lately, I recommend doing so. She's on a roll. And please leave comments -- if only so that she'll stop complaining to me about how no one ever does!
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Too picky or just slim pickin's?
A few days ago, a blogger who calls himself "Not the Godol Hador" wrote an angry tirade about singles who complain about being alone, when actually (according to him) the problem is that they are too picky and they should just "get married already." He writes:
Gee, thanks, Godol. How kind of you.
In his compassion to, and deep understanding of, older singles, he actually names two in particular as the targets of his ire, singles columnist and blogger Esther Kustanowitz, and the more-open-on-her-blog-than-I-will-ever-be Nice Jewish Girl. Never mind that Nice Jewish Girl has already explained her whole dating history (link to come if I can find it), which includes: the one man from ages ago she was too picky about and regrets not marrying; the guys she could have married but they dumped her, sometimes without even giving a reason; and the guy she dumped because he was a gambling addict. Which of these suggests that NJG is "too picky"? (As for me . . . let's just say that the concepts of being dumped and doing the dumping for very good reasons are all too familiar to me.)
The most glaring flaw in Godol's theory, that the main problem is one of pickiness, is that he assumes that:
Ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Haaaaaa haaaaaaaa!
::Chayyei Sarah wipes tears from her eyes and tries to stop laughing.::
Oh, ha ha. ::sigh:: Hm. Ha.
Thanks for the laugh, Godol, I really needed that.
I am not going to go into the specifics of my own dating life, but I can attest, from my own experience and that of my many single (female) friends, that getting a date once one is out of college, and particularly once one is past her mid-twenties, is not easy, particularly if the woman has anything "unusual" about her, such as an advanced degree. Or a personality. Or any sort of physical flaw, such as not looking like Christy Brinkley did in 1983. There is a reason that people say "in dating, a man needs a secretary and a woman needs an agent."
And when one does get a date, a woman might be excused as not being "too picky" if the man never calls again. Or if she, say, chooses not to go on a third date with a man who talks relentlessly about his mental illness and how he really has it under control now. Or the man who talks for 85 minutes straight without letting the woman get a word in. Or the man who, in addition to having all sorts of important differences with the woman, for both of the first two dates, has breath so bad she can smell it from across the table and she wants to gag. Or the man who spends the whole first date talking about how much he hates his family, and then does deep-breathing exercises at the table because "after a big meal, I like to let waves of pleasure wash over me."
Is a woman "too picky" if she went on two dates with a man who was paralyzed from the chest down and actually really liked him, and would have dated him again, except that he wouldn't go out with her, ostensibly because she is three years older than he? Or if she goes on 6 dates with a man with Cerebral Palsy, and really gives it her best shot? Is a woman "too picky" if the smart, otherwise nice man she went on several dates with and really likes tells her that he "just does not want to have the responsibility of having to call her"?
Not that any of those things have ever happened to me. No. Of course not. I just made those up . . . um . . . from my fertile imagination. By the way, I'm also making up all the shadchanim who tell me and my women friends, straight up, "it may be a long time before I call you, because there aren't a lot of good men out there." And I'm also making up the singles events with 15 women and 2 men. And the singles events I've been closed out of because dozens of women were on the waiting list, and not enough men signed up. And the many friends who say "I wish I could think of someone to set you up with, but I don't know any guys. None I would set you up with, anyway." None of those things could really be true, because obviously most singles get their hundreds (if not thousands), of dates from somewhere, right?
Let's move on to the internet. I've actually had quite good experiences with the Jewish dating websites, as far as they go. Meaning, I've gotten several dates out them, and most of those dates were very reasonable (except the one with the man who talked for 85 minutes straight, who was one out of maybe three who ever contacted me again). Actually, I met R. on the internet, and he was fantastic . . . until after his involvement (as an army officer) in the disengagement from Gaza, when he started exhibiting signs of post-traumatic stress before unceremoniously dumping me (I say this, actually, with complete sympathy for him, given what I know was a horrible experience for him. But just because I feel bad for him doesn't mean I can date someone who has dumped me).
But, anyway, let's look at Sarah's most recent foray into internet dating. Perhaps this will help illuminate the current situation for older singles, at least for women. Recently, I bought a one-month subscription to Dosidate. Within that month, I contacted 13 men whose profiles led me to believe that they might be reasonable matches for me. Here are the results:
Three men never bothered to read my message (the system tells you whether the message has been opened).
Three men read my message but never bothered to reply to me.
Two men wrote to say simply that they are not interested.
One man wrote to say that he is not sure and he'll think about it. Um, OK. Never heard from him again.
One man, from Haifa, wrote to say that his last girlfriend lived in Jerusalem, and he found the long-distance traveling to be too difficult, so he's not interested.
One man who lives in Tel Aviv said he'll be happy to meet me . . . the next time I'm in Tel Aviv.
One man said he'd like to call me. I gave him my number. He never called.
One man -- out of thirteen -- responded positively and called. We've spoken twice and both conversations went well. We'll meet "as soon as he can come to Jerusalem" (he lives in Netanya). I am hopeful, but it ain't over til the fat lady sings. To make things easier for him, I might offer to meet in Tel Aviv instead, since he works there, but again . . . you can't count your dates until they've hatched.
Meanwhile, two men initiated contact with me. One, who is 43 and divorced with children, sent a message saying that I have a well-written profile, but he didn't ask me anything or say anything that led me to believe he expects me to write back. It was very odd. And the second, who looks eerily like my father (I get this a lot), lives in Queens, New York and has no plans to come to Israel any time soon.
Of course, Godol may simply argue that I'm not, in fact, too picky, I'm just one of those people who "have emotional problems and need some serious therapy." Because that would explain why I'm still single, given that everyone who does manage to fall in love and develop a stable relationship and get married is, by definition, perfectly emotionally healthy and doesn't need therapy at all. They give you a marriage license only if you are completely free of hang-ups. It couldn't possibly be that I'm simply unlucky, or the victim of other people's pickiness, or that I have an unusual set of qualities that makes me hard to match up, or that there is some wider social problem going on that I would happily escape if I could.
If I didn't have "emotional problems" before, I probably do now. You would too, after hundreds (if not thousands), of dates.
A few days ago, a blogger who calls himself "Not the Godol Hador" wrote an angry tirade about singles who complain about being alone, when actually (according to him) the problem is that they are too picky and they should just "get married already." He writes:
Any older single who tells you that they just can't seem to find their bashert is being too picky. I absolutely guarantee it. Either that or they have emotional problems and need some serious therapy. Or more probably both.Later, he writes "What the vast majority of older singles need is a good kick in the butt."
Gee, thanks, Godol. How kind of you.
In his compassion to, and deep understanding of, older singles, he actually names two in particular as the targets of his ire, singles columnist and blogger Esther Kustanowitz, and the more-open-on-her-blog-than-I-will-ever-be Nice Jewish Girl. Never mind that Nice Jewish Girl has already explained her whole dating history (link to come if I can find it), which includes: the one man from ages ago she was too picky about and regrets not marrying; the guys she could have married but they dumped her, sometimes without even giving a reason; and the guy she dumped because he was a gambling addict. Which of these suggests that NJG is "too picky"? (As for me . . . let's just say that the concepts of being dumped and doing the dumping for very good reasons are all too familiar to me.)
The most glaring flaw in Godol's theory, that the main problem is one of pickiness, is that he assumes that:
All of these people have dated hundreds (if not thousands) of prefectly eligible people and have rejected them all, except for some really hot ones who of course rejected them first, because they were too picky.Hundreds of dates?
Ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Haaaaaa haaaaaaaa!
::Chayyei Sarah wipes tears from her eyes and tries to stop laughing.::
Oh, ha ha. ::sigh:: Hm. Ha.
Thanks for the laugh, Godol, I really needed that.
I am not going to go into the specifics of my own dating life, but I can attest, from my own experience and that of my many single (female) friends, that getting a date once one is out of college, and particularly once one is past her mid-twenties, is not easy, particularly if the woman has anything "unusual" about her, such as an advanced degree. Or a personality. Or any sort of physical flaw, such as not looking like Christy Brinkley did in 1983. There is a reason that people say "in dating, a man needs a secretary and a woman needs an agent."
And when one does get a date, a woman might be excused as not being "too picky" if the man never calls again. Or if she, say, chooses not to go on a third date with a man who talks relentlessly about his mental illness and how he really has it under control now. Or the man who talks for 85 minutes straight without letting the woman get a word in. Or the man who, in addition to having all sorts of important differences with the woman, for both of the first two dates, has breath so bad she can smell it from across the table and she wants to gag. Or the man who spends the whole first date talking about how much he hates his family, and then does deep-breathing exercises at the table because "after a big meal, I like to let waves of pleasure wash over me."
Is a woman "too picky" if she went on two dates with a man who was paralyzed from the chest down and actually really liked him, and would have dated him again, except that he wouldn't go out with her, ostensibly because she is three years older than he? Or if she goes on 6 dates with a man with Cerebral Palsy, and really gives it her best shot? Is a woman "too picky" if the smart, otherwise nice man she went on several dates with and really likes tells her that he "just does not want to have the responsibility of having to call her"?
Not that any of those things have ever happened to me. No. Of course not. I just made those up . . . um . . . from my fertile imagination. By the way, I'm also making up all the shadchanim who tell me and my women friends, straight up, "it may be a long time before I call you, because there aren't a lot of good men out there." And I'm also making up the singles events with 15 women and 2 men. And the singles events I've been closed out of because dozens of women were on the waiting list, and not enough men signed up. And the many friends who say "I wish I could think of someone to set you up with, but I don't know any guys. None I would set you up with, anyway." None of those things could really be true, because obviously most singles get their hundreds (if not thousands), of dates from somewhere, right?
Let's move on to the internet. I've actually had quite good experiences with the Jewish dating websites, as far as they go. Meaning, I've gotten several dates out them, and most of those dates were very reasonable (except the one with the man who talked for 85 minutes straight, who was one out of maybe three who ever contacted me again). Actually, I met R. on the internet, and he was fantastic . . . until after his involvement (as an army officer) in the disengagement from Gaza, when he started exhibiting signs of post-traumatic stress before unceremoniously dumping me (I say this, actually, with complete sympathy for him, given what I know was a horrible experience for him. But just because I feel bad for him doesn't mean I can date someone who has dumped me).
But, anyway, let's look at Sarah's most recent foray into internet dating. Perhaps this will help illuminate the current situation for older singles, at least for women. Recently, I bought a one-month subscription to Dosidate. Within that month, I contacted 13 men whose profiles led me to believe that they might be reasonable matches for me. Here are the results:
Three men never bothered to read my message (the system tells you whether the message has been opened).
Three men read my message but never bothered to reply to me.
Two men wrote to say simply that they are not interested.
One man wrote to say that he is not sure and he'll think about it. Um, OK. Never heard from him again.
One man, from Haifa, wrote to say that his last girlfriend lived in Jerusalem, and he found the long-distance traveling to be too difficult, so he's not interested.
One man who lives in Tel Aviv said he'll be happy to meet me . . . the next time I'm in Tel Aviv.
One man said he'd like to call me. I gave him my number. He never called.
One man -- out of thirteen -- responded positively and called. We've spoken twice and both conversations went well. We'll meet "as soon as he can come to Jerusalem" (he lives in Netanya). I am hopeful, but it ain't over til the fat lady sings. To make things easier for him, I might offer to meet in Tel Aviv instead, since he works there, but again . . . you can't count your dates until they've hatched.
Meanwhile, two men initiated contact with me. One, who is 43 and divorced with children, sent a message saying that I have a well-written profile, but he didn't ask me anything or say anything that led me to believe he expects me to write back. It was very odd. And the second, who looks eerily like my father (I get this a lot), lives in Queens, New York and has no plans to come to Israel any time soon.
Of course, Godol may simply argue that I'm not, in fact, too picky, I'm just one of those people who "have emotional problems and need some serious therapy." Because that would explain why I'm still single, given that everyone who does manage to fall in love and develop a stable relationship and get married is, by definition, perfectly emotionally healthy and doesn't need therapy at all. They give you a marriage license only if you are completely free of hang-ups. It couldn't possibly be that I'm simply unlucky, or the victim of other people's pickiness, or that I have an unusual set of qualities that makes me hard to match up, or that there is some wider social problem going on that I would happily escape if I could.
If I didn't have "emotional problems" before, I probably do now. You would too, after hundreds (if not thousands), of dates.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Yom Kippur Thoughts
Happy new year, everyone. I hope all my readers who celebrate Yom Kippur had an easy and meaningful fast, and that you were all "inscribed in the book of life."
Here's a peek into my holiday:
Charitable thoughts that crossed my mind during Yom Kippur:
It's Yom Kippur, and I'm in Jerusalem! And I live here! I am the luckiest person in the world!
My rabbi is really funny and very inspiring. He said just the right things during his speeches. We'll keep him.
I'm so happy that I go to a synagogue where women who wear pants and married women who do not cover their hair feel comfortable coming, because everyone is seriously welcome here.
Wow. Hundreds of people in white, flowy garments. That looks really cool.
There are a lot of very cute little children in my synagogue. They are so adorable.
I just love that all the streets in Israel are closed to traffic on Yom Kippur, and that everyone, regardless of religious affiliation, is out taking walks or riding their bicycles on the otherwise empty streets. What a special day. I know it's no fun for the people who are very secular and would prefer to be able to drive, but from my perspective it's a wonderful thing.
I love the parts in the prayer services for Yom Kippur when we get down on our knees to bow. Especially when we kneel all the way over with our faces on the floor. Besides being a good chance to stretch, it feels really holy and . . . supplicative. One feels truly like a servant of God when one is on the floor proclaiming His glory. Plus I love envisioning the way the Jews did it in the Holy Temple thousands of years ago, as described in the service. Knowing that we are praying just as they did makes me feel a deep connection to my ancestors.
Uncharitable thoughts that crossed my mind during Yom Kippur:
If those kids just outside the sanctuary don't keep the noise down, I'll have to kill somebody.
There is no doubt that one of those kids on the bicycles is going to run someone over, probably me, because they are so not watching where they are going. I may have to kill somebody.
That man and woman over there . . . are they a couple? . . . My God, they sure look like they might be a couple . . . and that would make total sense because . . . they are two of the most annoying people I know! They are perfect for each other! I can't believe I didn't think to set them up myself!
Can someone please invent a good tune for "v'chol hama'aminim"? One that doesn't put me to sleep after three verses?
Happy new year, everyone. I hope all my readers who celebrate Yom Kippur had an easy and meaningful fast, and that you were all "inscribed in the book of life."
Here's a peek into my holiday:
Charitable thoughts that crossed my mind during Yom Kippur:
It's Yom Kippur, and I'm in Jerusalem! And I live here! I am the luckiest person in the world!
My rabbi is really funny and very inspiring. He said just the right things during his speeches. We'll keep him.
I'm so happy that I go to a synagogue where women who wear pants and married women who do not cover their hair feel comfortable coming, because everyone is seriously welcome here.
Wow. Hundreds of people in white, flowy garments. That looks really cool.
There are a lot of very cute little children in my synagogue. They are so adorable.
I just love that all the streets in Israel are closed to traffic on Yom Kippur, and that everyone, regardless of religious affiliation, is out taking walks or riding their bicycles on the otherwise empty streets. What a special day. I know it's no fun for the people who are very secular and would prefer to be able to drive, but from my perspective it's a wonderful thing.
I love the parts in the prayer services for Yom Kippur when we get down on our knees to bow. Especially when we kneel all the way over with our faces on the floor. Besides being a good chance to stretch, it feels really holy and . . . supplicative. One feels truly like a servant of God when one is on the floor proclaiming His glory. Plus I love envisioning the way the Jews did it in the Holy Temple thousands of years ago, as described in the service. Knowing that we are praying just as they did makes me feel a deep connection to my ancestors.
Uncharitable thoughts that crossed my mind during Yom Kippur:
If those kids just outside the sanctuary don't keep the noise down, I'll have to kill somebody.
There is no doubt that one of those kids on the bicycles is going to run someone over, probably me, because they are so not watching where they are going. I may have to kill somebody.
That man and woman over there . . . are they a couple? . . . My God, they sure look like they might be a couple . . . and that would make total sense because . . . they are two of the most annoying people I know! They are perfect for each other! I can't believe I didn't think to set them up myself!
Can someone please invent a good tune for "v'chol hama'aminim"? One that doesn't put me to sleep after three verses?
Monday, October 10, 2005
Pretty in Pink
Several weeks ago I posted pictures of sandals I'd bought that week, including a fancy white Italian pair with a wedge heel. I've been wearing that white pair every single Shabbat, all summer, and it crossed my mind that they won't last long that way. If I get another white pair for Shabbat and rotate them and otherwise take good care of them, then my shoes will last much longer. And if I buy it now, I can get it on sale since it is the end of the summer season, and that way next summer I'll have a new pair of shoes. (Yes, I know, this is an incredibly JAPpy topic for a post. Note to Anne in New York: Sue me.)
So last night I headed to the mall with Beth and her three little kids so that we could all go shoe shopping: Baby Sophie got her first pair of shoes ever (so adorable: little white ones with pink flowers. She stood there smiling and looking at her feet, afraid to move but clearly tickled at these new funny things on her feet), Eli and I had a marvelous time watching the glass elevator go up and down, and I scoured the mall in vain for white sandals that looked good on me, had a heel that wouldn't kill me, and came in my size. No luck.
But I did find these. Couldn't resist them. They are on my feet right now.
Several weeks ago I posted pictures of sandals I'd bought that week, including a fancy white Italian pair with a wedge heel. I've been wearing that white pair every single Shabbat, all summer, and it crossed my mind that they won't last long that way. If I get another white pair for Shabbat and rotate them and otherwise take good care of them, then my shoes will last much longer. And if I buy it now, I can get it on sale since it is the end of the summer season, and that way next summer I'll have a new pair of shoes. (Yes, I know, this is an incredibly JAPpy topic for a post. Note to Anne in New York: Sue me.)
So last night I headed to the mall with Beth and her three little kids so that we could all go shoe shopping: Baby Sophie got her first pair of shoes ever (so adorable: little white ones with pink flowers. She stood there smiling and looking at her feet, afraid to move but clearly tickled at these new funny things on her feet), Eli and I had a marvelous time watching the glass elevator go up and down, and I scoured the mall in vain for white sandals that looked good on me, had a heel that wouldn't kill me, and came in my size. No luck.
But I did find these. Couldn't resist them. They are on my feet right now.
Losing my Touch
A few things have happened recently that have led me to believe I need to do some serious thinking about the direction of this blog. I've been vaguely aware for a while that, since pretty much "outing" my real name completely a few months ago, I've been withholding a lot of things from this blog, mainly out of a desire to protect my privacy and, in some cases (not all, of course), because I am not in the mood to be attacked by people who disagree with me. Mainly the problem is that I've had some unpleasant things going on the last few months which I do not feel like sharing with the entire blogosphere, and if I can't write about those things there isn't all that much left for me to write about. I haven't done anything terribly exciting, haven't gone anywhere interesting. Just been keeping my nose to the grindstone, trying to work out my feelings about the news (but not writing about it because this was never meant to be a mainly political blog) and trying to block out the Piano Playing Kid across the street. It's not a bad life but it also does not make for compelling blogging.
But now things have come to a head and I need to make some decisions about how to avoid plummeting into blogger mediocrity.
First, I noticed that for three weeks in a row, my blog was not mentioned in "Havel Havelim," the weekly round-up of links to Jewish blogs hosted each week by a different blogger. It used to be -- and I say this as a statement of fact, not a bragging point -- that Chayyei Sarah was mentioned every week without fail. But, yes, it is true, lately I have not blogged much of substance, nothing worth linking to anyhow, though it may be entertaining reading for my more loyal "followers" and friends back in the US.
Then, in a discussion about the "halcyon days" of Jewish blogging (in the comments section of this post), Dov Bear wrote: "The golden era of j blogging was definately summer 2004. Protocols didn't suck. Aidel was hot. We had Mo. CS was a regular poster." (Hey, Dovie, see, I really do read your blog!)
I hang my head in shame! I mean, yes, I am touched that Dovie would list my blog in connection with a "golden era," and yet the obvious conclusion is that I am no longer a regular poster. And he's right. Posting often does not equal often posting something worthwhile.
And now today I got the ultimate punch in the stomach, though it would not hurt so much if I focused more on from whence it came. Over at the blog of Laila, Mother from Gaza (see the comments again), one of Laila's readers (and I emphasize that it was a commenter who wrote this, not Laila herself) wrote that after reading my comment she checked out my blog and "found it almost unbearably cute, like something a young teenage girl would write."
Holy cow. Unbearably cute?!?
Well, yeah. If I don't write about the real juicy (dark) stuff going on, and I don't write about politics, there's not much left but the unbearably cute. Actually, I think a lot of people appreciate that my blog, like me, is generally upbeat and tries to focus on the positive. There are more than enough bloggers out there who do nothing but yak about how much they hate the government, their communities, their religion, etc.
But still, I also have to be aware that there are people who come here seeking a window into "life in Israel," and the truth is that my blog has not been doing a good job of representing real life. Not my life anyway. My life includes reading the news headlines every half hour and trying to process all the crazy political, military, and social changes that happen here seemingly every 5 minutes. My life includes trying to reconcile all my different identities: Jew, Israeli citizen, American expatriate, woman, journalist, human being, etc. My life includes daily (albeit small) decisions about how to confront all the various bigotries in which my city is saturated. My life involves having to resolve a lot of internal conflicts while also figuring out how to prevent, smooth over, or avoid external conflicts -- and while also making a living and trying to conduct a "normal" life. And my blog has not been doing the job of showing those things, because one of my internal conflicts is about how much of my inner life I'm interested in sharing with the internet.
By the way, please don't go over to the Gaza blog and flame the blogger or commenter. There are enough people over there slinging insults at each other as it is. It's so pointless, and the pro-Israel flamers certainly are not doing anything constructive to help Israel's image. But in any case, a few people already commented over there to "defend" the quality of my blog, which I appreciate. Thanks, Lisoosh, Lisa, and Fay.
So, the conclusion I've come to is that I either have to
a) start blogging more seriously with my observations about the news and/or the world around me and/or my internal life, and suffer the consequences (huge time commitment, possibility of losing clients, having to deal with more flamers, further loss of privacy), or
b) settle for mediocrity when I know I am capable of much better, or
c) put a huge disclaimer at the top of my blog that says "this blog is fluff only, if things that are unbearably cute make you gag, go away," which is a way of settling for mediocrity but at least alerting people that I'm not a hypocrite about it, or
d) stop blogging.
D is out of the question. So is B. That leaves A or C.
Darn.
A few things have happened recently that have led me to believe I need to do some serious thinking about the direction of this blog. I've been vaguely aware for a while that, since pretty much "outing" my real name completely a few months ago, I've been withholding a lot of things from this blog, mainly out of a desire to protect my privacy and, in some cases (not all, of course), because I am not in the mood to be attacked by people who disagree with me. Mainly the problem is that I've had some unpleasant things going on the last few months which I do not feel like sharing with the entire blogosphere, and if I can't write about those things there isn't all that much left for me to write about. I haven't done anything terribly exciting, haven't gone anywhere interesting. Just been keeping my nose to the grindstone, trying to work out my feelings about the news (but not writing about it because this was never meant to be a mainly political blog) and trying to block out the Piano Playing Kid across the street. It's not a bad life but it also does not make for compelling blogging.
But now things have come to a head and I need to make some decisions about how to avoid plummeting into blogger mediocrity.
First, I noticed that for three weeks in a row, my blog was not mentioned in "Havel Havelim," the weekly round-up of links to Jewish blogs hosted each week by a different blogger. It used to be -- and I say this as a statement of fact, not a bragging point -- that Chayyei Sarah was mentioned every week without fail. But, yes, it is true, lately I have not blogged much of substance, nothing worth linking to anyhow, though it may be entertaining reading for my more loyal "followers" and friends back in the US.
Then, in a discussion about the "halcyon days" of Jewish blogging (in the comments section of this post), Dov Bear wrote: "The golden era of j blogging was definately summer 2004. Protocols didn't suck. Aidel was hot. We had Mo. CS was a regular poster." (Hey, Dovie, see, I really do read your blog!)
I hang my head in shame! I mean, yes, I am touched that Dovie would list my blog in connection with a "golden era," and yet the obvious conclusion is that I am no longer a regular poster. And he's right. Posting often does not equal often posting something worthwhile.
And now today I got the ultimate punch in the stomach, though it would not hurt so much if I focused more on from whence it came. Over at the blog of Laila, Mother from Gaza (see the comments again), one of Laila's readers (and I emphasize that it was a commenter who wrote this, not Laila herself) wrote that after reading my comment she checked out my blog and "found it almost unbearably cute, like something a young teenage girl would write."
Holy cow. Unbearably cute?!?
Well, yeah. If I don't write about the real juicy (dark) stuff going on, and I don't write about politics, there's not much left but the unbearably cute. Actually, I think a lot of people appreciate that my blog, like me, is generally upbeat and tries to focus on the positive. There are more than enough bloggers out there who do nothing but yak about how much they hate the government, their communities, their religion, etc.
But still, I also have to be aware that there are people who come here seeking a window into "life in Israel," and the truth is that my blog has not been doing a good job of representing real life. Not my life anyway. My life includes reading the news headlines every half hour and trying to process all the crazy political, military, and social changes that happen here seemingly every 5 minutes. My life includes trying to reconcile all my different identities: Jew, Israeli citizen, American expatriate, woman, journalist, human being, etc. My life includes daily (albeit small) decisions about how to confront all the various bigotries in which my city is saturated. My life involves having to resolve a lot of internal conflicts while also figuring out how to prevent, smooth over, or avoid external conflicts -- and while also making a living and trying to conduct a "normal" life. And my blog has not been doing the job of showing those things, because one of my internal conflicts is about how much of my inner life I'm interested in sharing with the internet.
By the way, please don't go over to the Gaza blog and flame the blogger or commenter. There are enough people over there slinging insults at each other as it is. It's so pointless, and the pro-Israel flamers certainly are not doing anything constructive to help Israel's image. But in any case, a few people already commented over there to "defend" the quality of my blog, which I appreciate. Thanks, Lisoosh, Lisa, and Fay.
So, the conclusion I've come to is that I either have to
a) start blogging more seriously with my observations about the news and/or the world around me and/or my internal life, and suffer the consequences (huge time commitment, possibility of losing clients, having to deal with more flamers, further loss of privacy), or
b) settle for mediocrity when I know I am capable of much better, or
c) put a huge disclaimer at the top of my blog that says "this blog is fluff only, if things that are unbearably cute make you gag, go away," which is a way of settling for mediocrity but at least alerting people that I'm not a hypocrite about it, or
d) stop blogging.
D is out of the question. So is B. That leaves A or C.
Darn.
New Blogger Baby
Mazal tov to Efrex (the Orthodox Jewish Straight Theater Queen) and Mrs. Efrex on the birth of their son! May baby Efrex grow up to be every bit as sociable and talented as his parents (who are personal friends of mine).
Blogger kiddush! Blogger kiddush!
[Oh, and in other good news, I found out tonight that Tinok ben Efrat -- the baby from a few posts ago-- is doing just fine and no longer needs our prayers. His bris was last week and they named him Uriel. Mazal tov!]
Mazal tov to Efrex (the Orthodox Jewish Straight Theater Queen) and Mrs. Efrex on the birth of their son! May baby Efrex grow up to be every bit as sociable and talented as his parents (who are personal friends of mine).
Blogger kiddush! Blogger kiddush!
[Oh, and in other good news, I found out tonight that Tinok ben Efrat -- the baby from a few posts ago-- is doing just fine and no longer needs our prayers. His bris was last week and they named him Uriel. Mazal tov!]
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Bloggers stepping up to the plate
Three of the "blogs I wish were updated more often" (see blogroll to the right ----->) have been updating more often!
My sister has been blogging up a storm recently. Read her never-to-be-humble opinions here.
Rich Brownstein has been gone a while, but makes up for it with a 20,000-word manifesto on the disengagement. Lots of interesting material. Most people will agree with some and disagree with some. Please be respectful when commenting -- Rich is one of my favorite Shabbat hosts. And yes they really do have both blue (pro-disengagement) and orange (anti-disengagament) ribbons hanging from their car. As indicated in his manifesto, Rich's wife Sara has very different opinions from his. Somehow they manage to stay married. They could give achdut (unity) lessons to the rest of us.
Nice Jewish Girl put up a new post a few hours ago. This is one very spiritual and very conflicted chycky.
Three of the "blogs I wish were updated more often" (see blogroll to the right ----->) have been updating more often!
My sister has been blogging up a storm recently. Read her never-to-be-humble opinions here.
Rich Brownstein has been gone a while, but makes up for it with a 20,000-word manifesto on the disengagement. Lots of interesting material. Most people will agree with some and disagree with some. Please be respectful when commenting -- Rich is one of my favorite Shabbat hosts. And yes they really do have both blue (pro-disengagement) and orange (anti-disengagament) ribbons hanging from their car. As indicated in his manifesto, Rich's wife Sara has very different opinions from his. Somehow they manage to stay married. They could give achdut (unity) lessons to the rest of us.
Nice Jewish Girl put up a new post a few hours ago. This is one very spiritual and very conflicted chycky.
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