Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Dating Whoa

On Friday I rejoined Jdate.

On Saturday night, I checked the messages that had been piling up for me in the 2 years I hadn't been a paid member, and replied positively to 5 men and initiated contact with a 6th. (Of whom two have read their message, and no one has responded.)

On Sunday, someone IMed me, and I took a deep breath and "accepted" the IM, so we could "chat." He told me his name is Guy and sent me his picture. Frankly, for various reasons (cultural, religious, linguistic) I couldn't imagine this going anywhere serious, but here I'm 37 and a really hot 29-year-old was telling me he doesn't care about my age, because I'm cute. What would YOU do? "Serious" has not been working for me, obviously. Why keep banging my head against a wall when a hot 29-year-old wants to talk to me? Have I mentioned that he's hot? We exchanged email addresses and phone numbers.

I was supposed to call him last night at 10. At 9, I wrote him an email (and sent a follow-up text message to make sure he got it on time) saying that I'm really, really sorry, but I have an article that MUST be given in by midnight, and I'm still not finished, and can we please postpone until tomorrow? I really do want to talk to you, so sorry, etc etc.

This was his response (my translation in parentheses):

אני מציע שתדברי איתי מחר.
I suggest you speak with me tomorrow
הבנתי את מה שאת אומרת ודי קשה לי לקבל את זה.
I understood what you said and it's hard for me to accept this.
יש לי הרבה מה להסביר לך לגבי התנהגות שלך מולי ,
I have a lot to say to you about your behavior toward me.
אם קובעים לא מבריזים , הפעם אני מוותר . יותר זה לא יקרה.
If you set a time, you don't blow it off, this time I'll let it pass. It won't happen again.
מחר אני רוצה לשמוע ממך. ברור?
Tomorrow I want to hear from you. Is that clear?

**

Controlling, much?

I told him that, yes, it is very "clear" -- that continuing this would be a bad idea. I tried to be as polite as possible, but yes, the words "controlling jerk" made their way into my email, a few lines before "b'hatzlacha in your search for a life partner."

I'm glad I can recognize an abusive ass when I see one, and stay away (lesson hard-learned from my relationship with R), but still, this hurt and was very disappointing. I admit to doing a little crying in frustration . . . and not finishing my article.

Today he wrote back with a lame excuse ("Your email was very apologetic and I thought you wanted me to be tough with you. I would never act like a controlling jerk unless someone requests it." Right. I ASKED FOR IT.) and apologies. He also admitted that his name isn't really Guy, and this is his first time on a dating website, and he doesn't know why he tried to "be someone else."

I seriously do not need this drama. I am done with drama.

What is appalling to me, though, is that I can feel in myself why so many women would stick around with a guy like this. There is something compelling about drama, and about apologies that sound sincere, and about a man who says "I hope you will contact me again, because I think there is potential here, and that you could be someone I'd like to have in my life." Like riding down Niagara in a barrel, it sounds romantic and exciting . . . until you stop to think about it.

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