Thursday, April 28, 2005

A Note About Episode III: I totally called it! (No spoilers)

I finally caved and looked at the last few pages of the novelization of Star Wars Episode III. Then, today, I caved again and looked at a book called "The Making of Episode III." Yes, spoilers everywhere (except in this post). But the good news is that even after the spoilers, I'm still totally psyched. Word has it that this episode is much, much better than the first two. Let us hope that the Force is with us and that those rumors are correct. So far I'm very pleased with almost everything I've seen.

Anyhow, remember way back when Episode I came out, and everyone, including me, was totally totally disappointed by the concept of midichlorians? Because where is the romance in the Force if having it is genetic, and not some kind of sensitivity to the Universe that anyone, including Chayyei Sarah, could learn if only she knew how?

And remember how everyone, including me, thought it was horrible that Lucas had made it that Anakin has no father? Like, what kind of cheap Jesus allusion is that?

Well, from the beginning, I had a theory. It was a longshot, but knowing what I knew about Star Wars and about the way George Lucas thinks (because, having a high midichlorian count, I can feel Lucas' thoughts. Right now he is feeling content. He must have just had a really good salami on rye), I thought that perhaps, perhaps, Anakin having no father could be explained in a satisfactory way if it turns out that CENSORED BY SPOILER POLICE. No one believed me, but I knew in my bones it must be true. And today in the "making of" book, I discovered that in fact my theory is correctomundo! Sarah wins this spectacular prize of an all-expense paid trip to Naboo! Three days and two nights in the luxurious five-star Padme Panorama hotel in Theed, including a duck tour of the lush Naboo countryside and glowing underwater Gungan city! And, just for appearing, we'll include a brand new landspeeder and a $10,000 shopping spree in Amidala's favorite clothing boutiques! You'll also spend a day having your hair done by Natalie Portman's hair designers, and will star in your very own parade! Thanks for participating in "Sarah knows Star Wars."

[the crowd cheers and we cut to a commercial for Snuggles fabric softener]

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