Trying to keep things in perspective, be the best Jew I can be, and say things that need to be said.
Monday, January 30, 2006
This is grimly amusing. I laughed.
(For those not in the know, The Onion is a satirical newspaper.)
Well this was an email I was happy to receive, and which I trust Esther Kustanowitz will treat at more length once she gets wind of it:
Dear DosiDate member,
Chodesh tov! I am pleased to announce a new feature on DosiDate, available only to female members:
You can now set an age range, which will allow only men whose age falls within that range to initiate contact with you.
The reason we added this feature is that some women on the site have expressed discomfort when contacted by men who are many years older than they.
This new feature directly addresses that problem, and will hopefully make DosiDate more pleasant to use for those who take advantage of it.N.B. This feature will not affect your current communications. That is, if you have already been in contact with a man who falls outside of the age range you set, he will be able to continue communicating with you.
Behatzlacha,
Lisa and Grayson Levy
DosiDate
http://www.dosidate.com
Given how many men in their 50's have "initiated contact" with me through the various dating websites on which I'm a member, you can bet I went into my Dosidate account right away to set up an acceptable age range. (By the way, Dosidate is also one of the only dating websites that allows you to read your messages without being a paid member.) Don't worry, I was extremely liberal, in both directions, when setting the boundaries. I won't quibble over whether a man is 39 or 40, or even a couple of years after that, though once a man is well into his 40's (that is, more than 8-10 years older than I), we're starting to get into my "I'm willing to meet him, but . . . " range. My policy has long been that if a man is closer to my father's age than he is to mine, he's just out of luck. My father was 24 when I was born. You do the math.
I'm sure I'll get comments -- most likely from men in their 50's -- saying "that is so closed-minded, all that matters is that you are soulmates, what if a man is otherwise compatible, older men are more financially secure, blah blah blah." To which I ask: Let's say you are 53. That is, 20 years older than I am. Would you date a woman who is 20 years older than you are -- ie, 73 years old? If not, don't you think that's closed-minded?
Case closed. Soooooo closed.
***UPDATE***
I think I need to clarify a few matters, so here it goes:
1. I definitely think both women and men should be open-minded in who they are willing to meet on a date, especially about something like a large age difference. That is why I said that when setting my "acceptable age range" on Dosidate, I was very liberal in both directions. But there is "liberal" and then there is "dirty creepy men who are trolling for trophy wives," and I refuse to cross that line.
2. I don't think I know any woman who is past her late 20's who wouldn't meet a man within 10 years older than she is. A lot of women would be willing to meet a man who is within 15 years of her. Notice the important phrase here, "willing to meet." Most women, in my experience, would prefer to meet someone closer to her own age (and, I admit to a certain affection for men who are within a few years younger than I am). However, I and just about every single woman I know would at least meet a man within a normal age range, and give it a chance. And not uncommonly, those "chances" turn into something beautiful.
3. The much more prevalent problem than that of women who won't date older men is that of men who will not even meet -- or aren't "initiating contact with" -- women of their own age. The men in their 30's want women in their 20's . . . the men in their 40's want women in their 20's or early 30's . . . the men in their 50's want women in their 30's . . . because, you understand, they want a woman who can still bear lots of children for them, and aren't thinking about how absolutely creepy they are being. So, we women in our early thirties are getting contacted by men in their late 40's, 50's, even 60's (I kids you not) . . . when those guys would have much better chances with women in their later 30's, 40's, 50's, etc. You catch my drift.
What ends up happening is that, once you've gotten into the late 30's and 40's, the men stay single because (often) they are completely unrealistic about their dating and reproductive prospects, and the women stay single because the men are completely unrealistic (among other reasons, I'm sure, but right now we're talking about this reason). So everyone ends up lonely and unhappy, in addition to being without the 5 kids that the men covet so badly, even when they are already 55 years old and maybe for them it's just too late. But they'd rather keep trolling for a much younger wife than find a partner who will bring joy to their lives, but maybe not kids, or not so many kids.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Where were you when you found out the Challenger had blown up?
The Challenger left an indelible impression on kids of the 80's. It is to my generation what "where were you when JFK was shot?" was to my parents'.
So, where were you?
I was being driven home from school by my mother. We were pulling out of the school driveway when she told me.
Come to think of it, I wonder why they didn't tell us in school. Strange.
I've been reading the newspaper articles (see today's NY Times), op-eds, and blog posts about how, now that the Palestinians have put their cards on the table, and their gov't is saying nice and loud they want Israel dead and in the water, well, now we can move ahead knowing what we are dealing with. And that might be a good thing, much better than dealing with people like Arafat and his cronies who say "we want peace" out of their butts, and "we won't stop until Israel is gone" out of their mouths when they think no one important is listening.
Hamas being in charge -- regardless of whether they were put in charge because most Palestinians really want Israel dead, or because they were protesting Fatah and don't really care whether Israel gets blown up -- could mean that now, when Israel defends herself, the Western world will get it. (I doubt that though; the West forgets these things really fast.) Maybe Europe, for example, will stop harassing Israel over stuff like the security barrier/fence/wall. Or it could mean that Hamas will become more moderate, because they'll have to if they want any money from anywhere. Or maybe something else will happen that's tolerable from Israel's point of view -- at least, more tolerable than what we've had for the last 5 years.
I've been reading all those opinions, and I hear it, and I hope it's true. I hope that in the long run, we'll see the silver lining in this cloud, and everything will be OK.
But, to tell you the truth, I've been feeling sort of creepy and scared the last few days. Couldn't figure it out for a while. But today I spent Shabbat by myself, eating in my apartment, reading, and taking long walks in the cool air, and I realized what it is. I'm scared of the next war. I'm scared that the PA will simply launch a war against Israel. I've never been here for a straight-out war before. The closest I came was in 1991, when I was studying here for a year, and my parents insisted I come back to America before the missiles started flying over Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. I returned to Israel the day after the war ended.
That episode, by the way, was a watershed moment in my decision to make aliyah. I remember the exact moment, actually, when I started considering moving here. It was in the El Al office in Jerusalem's City Center, where I'd gone to try to get a better ticket. The floor was wall-to-wall American students trying to leave the country. I felt really ashamed to be a wimpy rich American student, when there were so many Israelis -- such as the thousands of Ethiopians who had recently arrived -- who had no other place to go. The missiles would come, and they'd be under them, and they'd just have to be strong and deal with it, because they have no choice. Next time, I said to myself, I'll be here, and I'm not going to leave. I'm staying with my people through thick and thin.
But anyway . . .
It is really creepy having neighbors next door who aren't even pretending to want to negotiate with us, who are saying straight out they want my country destroyed and me in the sea. You realize that now that they are the government, they aren't terrorists anymore? Weird, huh? If you are the government, you aren't a terrorist, you're a hostile government.
You could well ask why I should be any more frightened of a straight-out war than I was of the situation we've had up until now, of terrorists blowing up buses and cafes, and the PA looking the other way.
Well, I certainly can't explain that in any logical way, except to remind you that by the time I moved here, the suicide bombings were just on the verge of starting to slow down. I wasn't here, for example, in 2002, during the worst of the intifada. Israel has gone through a lot during my lifetime, but I haven't been here for most of it; I've been over there, watching and worrying but not being directly affected.
And second, there is often no logic of what makes some people afraid and others not. When I moved here in 2003, I decided almost immediately that I will eat in whatever cafe looks good to me, regardless of what kind of security it has, or not. But riding on buses gave me the heebie-jeebies. Conversely, I have friends who rode the buses every day without thinking about it, but wouldn't set foot in a restaurant. Who knows why we compartmentalize things the way we do? I sure don't know. But for some reason, I feel I can take my chances with terrorists, but not with a war.
Though, if the war happens, I'll just have to take my chances. Because now I'm here. And I'm not going to leave.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Here's my take on the Jewish-Israeli Blog awards: It's fun to run, and it's fun to win, but ultimately there are many, many much more important things in life. So, whether I win or lose, it was fun to play, and it's nice to be introduced to new blogs and maybe get some more readers myself. That's it. So, when I post about the JIBs, it's with the same light-heartedness with which I post about Hoops and Yoyo: it's fun, I enjoy it, and I enjoy sharing about it on the blog. But it's not a big deal.
But in a post about "the spirit of the JIBs," my personal "take" is irrelevant, because it is Dave who invented the JIBs, Dave who runs them, and Dave who sets the tone for them. So, in light of the comments left here lately by a troll, and similar unpleasantness happening at other blogs, I'd like to share Dave's own words about the spirit of the awards. First, an email I sent to him yesterday (snipped parts do not affect the meaning of the email one iota):
. . . . I've been talking to other bloggers about the JIBs. Most accept the JIBs for what they are- a fun, harmless way to bring attention to a wide range of blogs. My own view of the JIBs is that sure, it hurts to lose, but winning a JIB is not a statement of literary quality, and losing is not a statement of lack of quality. It is, indeed, mostly a popularity contest, with the blogs who have the most readers getting the most votes. Still, in the process of voting, a lot of people check out a variety of nominees. And certainly many of the nominees (like me, for example), post links to the competition. If this were a contest of literary quality, there would be an independent panel of judges. In some ways, having an independent panel would be better . . . but then again, it wouldn't be the JIBs. It would be something more "high-falutin'," and surely the composition of the judging panel, and their criteria for bestowing awards, would open up a whole new can of worms! So, personally, I enjoy getting votes, but in categories where I'm not -- such as in Best Series-- I shrug and say "oh, well, my career doesn't ride on the JIBs" and go on with my day . . . .
However, I've gotten comments on my blog to the effect that telling my readers I've been nominated and "hinting" that I want votes is an evil, horrible, no-good, very bad thing to do. I even got this to my post a week or two ago, which included LINKS AND KUDOS TO MY OWN COMPETITION! And just now I checked my last post, in which I told my readers which categories I'm still in the running for -- AND ASKING THEM TO VOTE FOR WHOMEVER THEY THINK IS BEST -- and got the following comment:
"You should be disqualified from the competition for the above post. You are an embarrassment to the blogging community. Could you be any less shameless?"
So my question is: Is, in fact, telling one's readers that one is up for a JIB, and asking for votes in a light-hearted manner, while also reminding readers that the point is to read new blogs, and urging them to do so,against the spirit of the JIBs?
Here is the response which Dave sent to me personally (posted here in full with his permission):
I am sorry you have had to endure such snarkiness, and I fully agree with you. I have been saying all along (check out my JIBS posts) that the awards MEAN NOTHING! That is coming from me! :)
The whole point of the JIBs is the exposure, and from that point of view it has been really successful. Actually, the "fun" of it is also a part, and I am sorry you and others have to suffer from fools.
There is nothing wrong with getting into the spirit of competition. I would draw the line at putting down other competitors (as one overzealous competitor did last year).
So to answer your question: you have done nothing against the spirit, and in fact, have acted entirely in the spirit. It is the commenter who is acting contrary to the purpose.
I hope this addresses your comment/question.
Dave has also addressed the issue of what kind of behavior is or is not in the spirit of the JIB awards on his blog, here. This is what he has to say:
For the second year in a row, I find myself having to write a JIB-related post that I wish was not necessary.You see, it seems that there are plenty of people out there who take the competition aspect too far. There are blog readers who leave snarky comments at blogs who have been requesting votes in the JIBs (and even those not really requesting votes). And there are bloggers who have seen it necessary to either disparage other competing blogs, or send their readers to skew the results by voting for selected blogs that conform to their ideology.Of course, there have also been those who have tried to taint the entire awards with their baseless accusation and petty jealousies, but I have alreadydevotedwasted enough time on them.Well I'll be damned if these ninkenpoops are going to spoil the months of hard work the Jerusalem Post and I have invested in this endeavour.The JIB awards were conceived as a fun way to bring attention to the plethora of Jewish, Israeli, and pro-Israel blogs out there, which I consider absolutely necessary in light of the mainstream media bias against Israel (and, to some extent, Jews). The voting aspect is a means to an end, the end being to attract readers to the web pages listing the participating blogs, clicking on the links, and visiting them. This is why the voting is left to the readers, and not a panel of judges as some people (who have entirely missed the point) have suggested.Now pay attention to what I am saying. The results themselves are irrelevant. They may not necessarily be indicative of the quality or worth of the blog. They may very well only be indicative of the blogger's readership, or their ability to garner support.I have been asked for my opinion on the tactics of some bloggers who have been very competitive. As far as I am concerned, it is not against the spirit of the awards to ask for votes, even when it involves emailing your family, friends, and acquaintances. What I ask though, is that you encourage them to not just visit the site and vote for you, but to visit the site, look at the wide range of blogs in all categories, visit the ones that seem appealing - and then vote for you. This is a great way to bring more readership to the blogs. Think about it. If most of the participant blogs sent such an email to only 10 of their friends, then this could result in thousands more visitors to the site, and potentially increase the traffic of many participating blogs.This is also the reason why many of you need to be rejoicing at the inclusion of certain "big name" blogs, rather than lamenting this fact. When they promote the JIBs on their sites, they are sending thousands of readers to the voting pages. I won't pretend that in many - if not most - cases, their readers are merely voting for them and leaving immediately, but I am sure, in some cases, there are readers taking the time to check out the other participating blogs.Some of you have to think outside the box and see that you can all be winners in this competition. And that has absolutely nothing to do with receiving one of the logos for top three placegetter.You can quote me on that.
So, to all you trolls who think I'm a jerk for directing people to the JIBs; posting links to my own competition - even competition with very different opinions and lifestyles from my own; asking people to vote - and especially if they will vote for me; and otherwise acting in the spirit of the awards:
Go away!
When talking about politics, especially Middle East politics, you've got a lot of people of all sorts saying "if Israel does XYZ, then horrible thing ABC will happen," or "no, Israel should do 123, because otherwise 9,10, 11" will happen. Usually both are right, or could be right, and Israel is just stuck between a rock and hard place. If Israel often seems to be making it up as she goes along, it's because we're stuck in a dark wood with no clear path. Go this way, you might be eaten by wolves; go that way, you might disappear into quicksand. So you've got people saying "no! Don't turn left! Yonder lies the wolves!" and others saying "Stop! I think people have sunk over there." So we're just picking our way through the brush and branches, hoping we don't step someplace very bad.
Last summer, Israel decided that this picking through the woods is exhausting, and it's time to try to find a place to rest, and that she'd better turn somewhere or she'll collapse from exhaustion. So she turned left, and there were people who said "No! Wolves! Bad!" and she said "It's a risk we'll have to take, because we have to get out of this situation one way or another. If the wolves are there, we'll just have to deal with it then, and maybe that will be better than this endless wandering around and fatigue. If there are no wolves, great. If the wolves are there, maybe we'll find another way around them."
Well, it turns out the wolves are there after all.
They'd said "if we leave Gaza, it will turn into Hamastan."
What amazes me is not that they were right, but that they were right so quickly. It's like . . . magic. Say "Hamastan," and it appears before your very eyes. Amazing.
I still think that the decision to leave the woods was a reasonable one, and could very well yet turn out to be a healthy one, in the long run. The wolves are there but they have not sprung. And if they do spring, well, we're well-armed and determined, and some would even say we have God on our side, and so the story might have a happy ending after all. And anyway they may have sprung on us even if we hadn't left the path, if they were hungry enough.
But I give credit where credit is due. It doesn't make those who foresaw Hamastan right about everything. But they were definitely right about this. And how! Wow.
PS Notice that I never said the wolves wouldn't be there. . . Jack.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Oh . . . crud . . .
Crud.
I like the Haaretz headline saying that the Italian PM called the election results "very, very, very bad."
Yup.
Bad.
'twill be interesting to see what happens next . . . and after that . . .
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
My long-time readers may recall that a male friend of mine from high school, Rabbi Seth Binus, passed away a few years ago after suffering for many months from a brain tumor. He had been a pulpit rabbi in Calgary, and had a beautiful and gracious wife, Deena, and 2 adorable little girls, Sarah and Shuli. The whole thing was very sad. (Don't worry, the good news is coming up. Bear with me, here.)
Since visiting them a couple of times when Seth was sick (in New York, where he was getting medical treatment and they were living with Deena's parents), I've kept in touch a little bit with Deena. She's done a great job of picking up her life again. She and the girls moved to Queens, she got an apartment and a job, registered her kids in new schools. A few months ago, Seth's mom and stepdad were in Jerusalem, and told me that it's incredible how well the two girls have adjusted. Deena is obviously a very strong, intelligent, and capable person. I admire her very much.
A few days ago, she sent out an email announcing her engagement! She is marrying Howie Mammon, who also has two daughters. So they will be a blended family with four girls, ages 5, 6, 7, and 8! Deena said that it's all very noisy, but the girls are thrilled.
I'm so happy for Deena and Sarah and Shuli! And even happier for Howie, who is getting a really fantastic woman! Mazal tov all around. I'd say "may you build a bayit ne'eman b'yisrael," but I already know you will!
Every Friday, an elderly Russian man stands outside the Super HaMoshava supermarket on Emek Refaim street, and plays European waltzes on his violin. Busy shoppers come and go, and every so often someone puts some coins into the open violin case at his feet. When I have time, I like to stop and listen to him. The music is beautiful, and the Mozart and Strauss and Beethoven and Pachelbel take me out of my pre-Shabbat frenzy and encourage me to take a moment to enjoy something heavenly. I believe that beautiful music is, indeed, Godly in certain ways, since it is something created from nothing.
I don't know who this man is, or how long he's lived here, or what he does the rest of the week, or how much money he's really making on Fridays. But I appreciate that God gave him a special talent, and that, in using it, he's lifting me out of myself every Friday morning.
Thank you so much to everyone who voted for Chayyei Sarah in the preliminary rounds of the Jewish-Israeli Blog Awards.
Thanks to you, my blog has advanced to the final round in the following categories:
- Best Life in Israel Blog
- Best Personal Blog
- Best Series
I really appreciate that so many people enjoy my blog and voted for it. It will be cool if I can add to my collection of JIB banners on the side of my blog!
I urge you to check out all the nominees in all the categories. The purpose of the JIBs is to introduce people to blogs they may never have seen otherwise, and spread the "wealth." I've been checking out my competition and am really enjoying a lot of their work. So go here, check out the nominees, and vote for whichever blogs you think deserve it. (But remember: A Vote for Chayyei Sarah is a Vote for World Peace.)
You are entitled to vote every three days. Have fun!