Hey, check me out! My plane to Zurich is over the Atlantic, and I, Chayyei Sarah, am sitting at my parents' computer writing this post. Yes, the flight left without me. You wanna know why? (Or, in UYO parlance, you want to know what kept me stuck?)
OK, let me preface this by saying:
1. I am not late for things as often as I used to be.
2. When I'm late, I'm typically less late than I used to typically be. (Note: OED says we can split infinitives now)
3. I take full responsibility for my chronic lateness, and do not blame others for the consequences of this, my fatal flaw.
So, part of the story is that I ran very late. I called the taxi about 2 hours and a half hours before the flight, and it's a 20-minute drive to the airport. You're supposed to be there 2 hours before, right? Well, there you go, it's partly my fault. I should have left more time for unexpected events.
OK, enough taking responsibility, on to blaming others . . .
First, the taxi didn't show up for 20 minutes, even though the dispatcher had said it would be there right away.
Second, we hit major-mundo traffic. (I know, that's no one's fault)
Third, Swiss Air is a bunch of classist sons-of-bitches.
Ooooo, Chayyei Sarah is using strong language! Well, you would too if you got to the check-in counter at Logan Airport 70 minutes before your flight and was told "Sorry, check-in closes 90 minutes before the flight. You can't go in." And if you then saw them let through another guy who also just arrived for the SAME flight. And if you then saw them let through 2 more people who arrived AFTER you did for YOUR flight, and continued to tell YOU that you are out of luck. You would use words like *#@$! too, to yourself, never to the clerks, if they explained that BUSINESS CLASS customers can check in up to 60 minutes before the flight. You'd feel put out, wouldn't you, if they would not allow you to upgrade to business class? If right in front of you they put other people's luggage on the carousel and then called the gate to say "we just loaded the last suitcase for the 6:55 flight" when you were standing there with 2 suitcases? If you quietly asked the clerk if she could please squeeze you through with the business class customers, so you could make your connecting flight, and she shook her head and said "Sorry, there's nothing I can do," but you secretly wonder whether she COULD do something for you if she didn't have a pole where it shouldn't be?
I totally understand that they need to offer perks to Business Class people, or else why bother having a Business section at all? The part I hate is when they say "It's for security purposes, they close the gate, you need time to be checked by security, blah blah blah" and then it turns out that all these obstacles COULD be surmounted IF you'd PAID to have them surmounted.
*&%#@! lying sons of %&*!^
[On a related note, no one can tell me that I'm "randomly" chosen for a detailed security check at airports when I'm being checked EVERY SINGLE TIME I FLY. You and I both know it's because my ticket says I'm starting and ending in Israel. Do I pay cash? No. Do I change my flight plans in the last minute? No. Do I fly one-way? No. Do I fly without luggage? No. All perfectly random, right? Because even though racial profiling makes perfect sense in anti-terrorist security, even though I think they SHOULD be scrutinizing everyone from the Middle East, including me, I'm really being checked at EVERY SINGLE AIRPORT because of dumb luck, right?
It's not the geographic profiling I mind. It's the lie. Random, shrandom.
Security checks are random, the gate is closed 90 minutes before for security reasons, and I'm the Mona Lisa.]
Anyhow, Swiss Air offered to fly me to Tel Aviv via Newark, but the plan would have involved losing my kosher in-flight meals and spending a full day in Zurich. For London or Italy or even maybe Paris I would have enjoyed an opportunity for a day of European site-seeing, but Zurich? What's in Zurich?
So, basically, I'm staying in Boston until Sunday and (I hope) arriving in Tel Aviv on MONDAY at 2:35. Ride, anyone? Anyone?
It's OK because I was feeling bad about leaving my Mummy to do all the packing in the Boston house. So now I have a few extra days to help her out.
It's all for the best. My itinerary change, the security-randomness lie, perhaps even Bush being re-elected. The world is a mysterious place.