Singles Shabbaton Chronicles Part 4, in which Miriam's menorah is ambushed

Friday 4:15 pm

We are in the breakfast room, setting up chanukiyas (menorahs – please, no comments about how those are not the same. KISS- Keep it Simple, Sexy.) Miriam has brought a chanukiyah made by one of her children. It consists of hardware nuts pasted onto a wooden base. She is setting up the candles, when two Sephardi men in their late 40’s and 50’s, who had loudly been discussing their lack of a chanukiyah, said “look! She has one!” and started pushing their way in to set up their candles in Miriam’s chanukiyah.

Miriam: Excuse me, this is my chanukiyah.
Men: But we need to light.
Miriam: So do I. This is my chanukiyah that I brought from my home.
Men: According to halacha, if there are men who have to light, it’s their responsibility to do so. You have no mitzva to light. [This is incorrect, by the way].

Miriam wanted to say “Go make your own menorah by melting the candles onto aluminum foil, like the other men have done, jerks” but these guys were so pushy, she ended up in the background, fuming.

Friday 4:20 pm

The pushy Sephardi men have gone, and the rabbi is about to light his candles. Miriam and I have the last laugh; we realize that Miriam had mistakenly brought regular Chanukah candles, not extra-long-burning ones that you need for Friday night. Those guys lit with candles that would never make it after dark. Guess they didn’t fulfill the mitzva after all. Miriam and I fulfill the mitzva along with the rabbi’s family.